by Shelley | Jun 27, 2025 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
My great uncle lives with a couple of very serious medical conditions that require many health care appointments. Because he lives close to me and he doesn’t have any children, I have become his primary caregiver. While we have people who help with housekeeping and meals, my husband and I manage pretty much everything else for him.
The two of us and our teenagers are very fond of my uncle and want to do whatever we can to support him. However, I worry that I am not doing a great job monitoring his care. His needs are getting more and more complex.
Do you have any tips on advocating for a family elder? We could use whatever suggestions you might have with regard to health care, finances, and more.
Sincerely,
Katie in Spring Hill, MI
Tips to Help Family Caregivers Advocate for an Elder
Dear Katie:
What a great question! As our loved ones age, they often face increasing medical, financial, and legal challenges. We also know family members often worry about how well they are doing caring for a loved one. So, we are happy to have the opportunity to share some ideas.
Whether it’s navigating healthcare systems, dealing with insurance companies, or researching senior living communities, here are practical tips for being an effective advocate.
The first step in advocating for an older family member is understanding their needs, preferences, and concerns. Make time for open conversations with your uncle to make sure he feels valued and respected. Even if his memory is fading or he struggles with communication, it’s important to involve him in decisions as much as possible. Advocacy isn’t about taking control—it’s about empowering a senior loved one and helping them be heard.
Keep all important documents, such as medical records, insurance information, legal documents (wills, power of attorney), and contact information for doctors or caregivers, in one place. Having organized records can help you respond quickly in emergencies and ensure you have accurate information when speaking with professionals.
You can also create a folder—physical or digital—with a log of appointments, medications, and care instructions. This helps you stay on top of your uncle’s needs and ensures consistency if others are helping provide care.
- Learn about their rights.
Seniors have specific rights, especially in medical and long-term care settings. Learn about patients’ rights, elder abuse laws, and Medicare or Medicaid regulations. This knowledge will help you identify when something isn’t right—like being overcharged for care or pressured into unwanted treatments—and speak up effectively. Resources like the National Institute on Aging and your local Area Agency on Aging can provide helpful guidance.
- Communicate clearly and respectfully.
When interacting with healthcare providers, social workers, or service agencies, you may need to be assertive but respectful. Prepare questions ahead of appointments, take notes, and don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. If something doesn’t feel right, seek a second opinion.
Always aim to keep your loved one informed about conversations and decisions. Even if they’re unable to fully participate, being transparent helps maintain trust and dignity.
- Watch for changes and warning signs.
Advocacy also means being observant. Watch for signs of elder abuse, neglect, financial exploitation, or declining health. Unexplained injuries, sudden changes in mood, unusual financial transactions, or poor hygiene can all be red flags. If you suspect something is wrong, speak up and report it to the appropriate authorities or professionals.
I hope these tips are useful to you and your husband, Katie! If you have any more questions, we encourage you to contact a Heritage location near you. One of our experienced team members will be happy to help!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 27, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
An older lady at my church was recently the victim of a phone scam. According to her daughter, she lost a considerable amount of money. While I consider my parents to be pretty savvy, even with technology, this news left me feeling concerned.
I’ve followed your blog for a year or so now and know you always have helpful suggestions for seniors and their families. Do you have any tips I can share with my parents? I’d like to do everything possible to keep this from happening to them.
Sincerely,
Judy in Muskegon, MI
Safety Suggestions to Help a Senior Avoid Being Scammed
Dear Judy,
Unfortunately, scams targeting seniors are much too common. According to the FBI, fraud complaints involving older victims rose 14% in 2023! Phone scams against seniors are on the rise, with fraudsters using increasingly sophisticated tactics to steal money or personal information. With greater awareness and a few preventative strategies, however, families can significantly reduce the risk. Here are seven essential tips for protecting the senior in your life from phone scams.
- Educate loved ones about common scams.
Start by talking openly about the types of scams that target seniors. Common ones include fake IRS calls, lottery or sweepstakes scams, tech support fraud, and impersonation of grandchildren or loved ones in distress. Scammers often create a sense of urgency, demanding immediate action like wiring money or giving personal details. Remind loved ones that government agencies, banks, and legitimate companies never request sensitive information over the phone.
- Encourage screening of calls.
Teach your loved one to let unknown numbers go to voicemail. Most legitimate callers will leave a message. Encourage them to only return calls to trusted contacts or those they recognize. Caller ID can help, but it’s not foolproof. Scammers can “spoof” numbers to look like they’re calling from a familiar organization. If a message sounds suspicious, it’s best to ignore it and consult a trusted family member.
- Use call blocking technology.
Install a call-blocking service or device that automatically filters out potential scam calls. Many phone providers offer built-in options, and products like CPR Call Blocker or Nomorobo can help reduce robocalls and unwanted numbers. Cell phones also have settings or apps available that can silence unknown or suspicious calls.
- Set up a trusted contact system.
Create a list of trusted contacts with your loved one—family, friends, doctors, or financial advisors—so they know who to turn to if they’re unsure about a call. Let them know it’s always okay to hang up and check with someone they trust before taking action. This extra step can prevent hasty decisions made under pressure.
- Encourage the “hang up rule.”
Stress that it’s okay—and often necessary—to hang up if something feels wrong. Scammers are trained to keep people on the phone. The longer the conversation, the more likely the victim may be manipulated. A good rule of thumb: if someone is pressuring you for money or personal details, just hang up.
- Monitor financial statements.
Encourage your parents to keep an eye on their financial accounts. Reviewing bank and credit card statements regularly can alert them to unauthorized transactions early. If you have any concerns about their ability to do this, ask if you can be added to their accounts or have your own login. Should you notice anything suspicious, help them contact their financial institution immediately to investigate.
- Stay connected and involved.
Isolation increases the risk of scams. Seniors who feel lonely may be more likely to engage with callers. Regular check-ins from family members help reduce this vulnerability. Creating open communication about finances and online safety also fosters trust and reduces the stigma if a mistake is made.
“How Seniors Can Stay Safe Shopping Online” is another article on the Heritage blog that you might find helpful in protecting your parents’ financial health. It has good tips for making online purchasing less risky.
I hope this helps, Judy! Thanks for sending us this question.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 28, 2025 | Caregiving
As we age, making our homes safer and more comfortable becomes essential. Home safety modifications can create a supportive environment that allows older adults to age in place comfortably.
For seniors, a secure and accessible living space can help maintain independence, reduce the risk of injury, and ensure peace of mind. The same is true for adult children who are moving an aging parent into their home. Taking steps to ensure they are safe with you is important.
If you are wondering how and where to get started, here are seven senior-friendly home safety modifications to consider.
Ideas for Improving Home Safety for Seniors
- Bathroom Safety Improvements
Bathrooms are one of the most common places where seniors experience accidents due to slippery surfaces and difficult-to-navigate features. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), 80% of the falls older adults experience happen in the bathroom, and an estimated 200,000 seniors are treated each year for bathroom-related injuries.
Installing grab bars near the toilet, as well as in and around the bathtub, can provide extra stability. Nonslip mats or adhesive strips should be placed in the bathtub to prevent slipping. A handheld showerhead can also allow the senior to sit instead of standing under the water.
Additionally, replacing a traditional shower with a walk-in model can eliminate the need to step over high tub sides, reducing the risk of falls. Don’t forget to investigate raised toilet seats. They can make standing up and sitting down safer.
- Stair and Floor Modifications
Stairs can be especially hazardous for seniors, particularly those with balance issues. To enhance safety, consider installing stair rails on both sides of the staircase and ensuring they are sturdy and easy to grip. Make sure the staircase is well-lit and consider applying contrasting tape to the edges to make steps more visible.
In addition to stairs, flooring should be taken into account. Avoid rugs that could easily slip or create tripping hazards. Instead, opt for low-pile carpets or slip-resistant flooring, such as vinyl or rubber, in high-traffic areas. Hardwood or tile floors should also be treated with slip-resistant finishes to improve traction.
- Wider Doorways and Hallways
For seniors who use walkers, canes, or wheelchairs, it’s essential that doorways and hallways are wide enough to accommodate these mobility aids. Widening doorways or removing obstacles in narrow spaces ensures that seniors can move around their home without difficulty. Smooth, level thresholds between rooms help with safe transitions and reduce the risk of tripping.
- Good Lighting
Adequate lighting is crucial to preventing accidents. Pay special attention to areas where seniors might be moving around at night, such as the kitchen, bathroom, and hallway. Adding motion-sensor lighting in key areas can help illuminate spaces when needed.
Night-lights in bedrooms and bathrooms are also helpful for guiding seniors to the restroom during the night without the need to fumble for switches. Bright, even lighting throughout the home reduces shadows that may obscure potential hazards.
- Smart Home Technology
Incorporating smart technology into a senior’s home can greatly improve safety and convenience. Devices such as smart thermostats, voice-activated assistants (like Amazon Alexa or Google Assistant), and automated lights can be controlled without needing to move or strain.
Additionally, smart home security systems with cameras, doorbell monitoring, and emergency alerts can provide an extra layer of protection.
- Kitchen Safety Modifications
In the kitchen, modifications that reduce the risk of burns, cuts, and falls can be crucial. Fires can be particularly hazardous for older adults, especially those who have mobility issues and can’t evacuate quickly. But there are safety measures that can help. By installing a stovetop device that has an automatic shut-off feature in case a pan is left unattended, you may avoid a potential fire. Not hanging curtains, towels, or aprons too close to a burner is another preventative measure.
Lowering cabinets or using pull-out shelves can make it easier for seniors to access kitchenware without straining or reaching. Finally, don’t forget to place nonslip mats in front of the sink and stove.
- Emergency Response Systems
Lastly, emergency response systems provide an immediate way to call for help in case of an emergency. Wearing a pendant or wristband with a built-in alert button ensures that, even if a senior is unable to get to a phone, help can be summoned quickly.
Consider a Move to a Senior Living Community
By making these modifications, even temporarily while you are searching for an assisted living or memory care community, seniors may be able to reduce their risk of accidents. Should your search for senior living include locations in Michigan, we invite you to consider Heritage. Call a community near you to set up a time to visit.
by Shelley | Mar 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’ve been the caregiver for my 84-year-old husband for over eight years. He experienced a recurrence of his cancer that has gradually caused many complications. It has been such a long road, and my own health has declined quite significantly along the way. My daughter is always here to help me, but she works full time and has a family of her own.
There are days when I have no time for myself or criticize my ability to manage stress. I try to remind myself providing 24/7 care for a loved one is a huge undertaking, especially in my 80s. I just can’t seem to get to a place where I can be kinder to myself. I am heartsick at the demands our situation has placed on my daughter. She is exhausted, too.
Do you have any advice? We could surely use some.
Kind regards,
Sheri in Douglas, MI
Suggestions to Manage and Overcome Caregiver Guilt
Dear Sheri:
Wow! Your situation does sound very difficult. I can see why you and your daughter are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Just know that this struggle is common among people who are caring for a loved one, especially those who are long-term caregivers.
Caregiver guilt arises when a person feels that they are not doing enough for their loved one or not providing the level of care they think is required. It can manifest in many ways, such as feeling inadequate, questioning decisions, or struggling with feelings of resentment. Caregivers may feel torn between their responsibilities to their loved one and their desire for personal time, career obligations, or family needs. These feelings are often compounded by the demanding nature of caregiving.
The guilt is further exacerbated when caregivers put their own needs last, sacrificing their health, social life, and emotional well-being for the sake of their loved one. Caregivers may also feel guilt when they seek outside help, believing they should be able to handle everything on their own. This sense of personal responsibility can be exhausting and lead to feelings of isolation.
Coping Strategies for Caregiver Guilt and Exhaustion
I do have a few ideas that might help you navigate these difficult days:
- Acknowledge your feelings: The first step in managing guilt and exhaustion is acknowledging that these feelings are natural and valid. Caregiving is a difficult role, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Recognizing your emotions allows you to address them and seek support. Denying these feelings can lead to increased stress and burnout, so it’s crucial to give yourself permission to feel and process them.
- Set realistic expectations: It’s important to understand that you are doing your best, and you cannot be everything to everyone. Setting realistic expectations about what you can accomplish each day can help you avoid feelings of inadequacy. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself—focus on what you’ve done well rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
- Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Carving out time for self-care may feel impossible, but even small acts of self-kindness can help rejuvenate you. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or simply enjoying a warm bath, make time each day for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This practice will help replenish your energy and strengthen your ability to care for your loved one.
- Build a support system: Caregivers often feel guilty about seeking help, but relying on others can make a significant difference. Building a support system of family, friends, or professional caregivers can provide relief. Ask them for assistance, whether it’s for a few hours of respite or emotional support during tough times.
- Practice mindfulness: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga, can help manage stress and provide emotional grounding. These practices encourage caregivers to stay present and focused, reducing anxiety and overwhelming thoughts. Taking even a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness can make a big difference in emotional regulation and overall well-being.
- Utilize respite care: One final suggestion is to give yourself permission to use respite care at an assisted living community. These short stay programs give caregivers a chance to take a break and restore their own sense of well-being knowing a loved one is in good hands.
I hope this information is useful to you, Sheri! Please call a Heritage location near you if you’d like to learn more about our respite services in Michigan.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Feb 28, 2025 | Caregiving
Being a caregiver for an aging parent can be both rewarding and overwhelming, particularly when the responsibilities take up so much of your time and energy. Many people in this role struggle to maintain a balance between caregiving and their personal relationships. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day needs of your father and inadvertently neglect the friendships and connections that are important to your emotional well-being.
Staying connected to your social network is important at every stage in life, but especially when you are shouldering the responsibility of a parent’s well-being. While it may be tough, it is possible to fulfill vital caregiving responsibilities and maintain relationships with friends and family. The key lies in thoughtful planning and healthy communication.
Tips for Keeping Relationships Strong When You Are a Caregiver
Here are a few suggestions you can explore when you are trying to juggle your health and wellness with your father’s:
- Set realistic expectations: One of the first things to acknowledge as a caregiver is that you cannot be everywhere at once, and that’s okay. Being honest with yourself and others about your availability and emotional capacity is essential. It can be difficult to tell friends you need a break or that you won’t be able to attend an event. However, by communicating this, you are helping to manage expectations. Your friends and family will likely understand if you explain the situation and offer them a sense of when you might be able to reconnect. Setting realistic expectations helps avoid feelings of guilt or frustration when you are unable to spend as much time with others as you would like.
- Prioritize self-care: One of the best ways to maintain relationships is to take care of yourself first. As a caregiver, it can be easy to burn out if you’re constantly putting others’ needs before your own. By engaging in activities that recharge your spirit, you’ll have more emotional energy to give to both your father and the people around you. Carve out time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes in the morning to get some steps in on a walking pad or for quiet meditation. These moments are important for preserving your own mental and emotional health, which in turn helps you stay present in your relationships.
- Maintain open communication: It’s important to keep your friends in the loop about your caregiving situation. Share your challenges, victories, and emotions with those who are close to you. While it can be tempting to shield loved ones from the difficulties you’re facing, open communication helps deepen connections and fosters understanding. Your friends want to know how you’re doing. By being vulnerable and transparent, you create space for them to support you, whether it’s through a thoughtful message, a phone call, or offering help in specific ways.
- Schedule time with loved ones: When you’re balancing caregiving with personal relationships, it’s crucial to make time for the people who matter to you. This might mean scheduling regular meetups with friends, even if it’s just to chat over Zoom. Consistency helps maintain a sense of connection, even if the time spent together isn’t as frequent as before. Friends and family will appreciate the effort you make to stay involved in their lives and vice versa.
- Ask for and accept help: It’s common for caregivers to feel like they need to handle everything on their own. They may feel like no one can do as good of a job as they do, but it’s important to have help. When friends or family offer assistance, whether it’s for your dad’s care or for your own well-being, take it. Sometimes, you might need to ask for help with specific tasks that people might not think about. This doesn’t make you weak; it simply allows you to better manage your responsibilities and continue nurturing important relationships. If you don’t have anyone who is available to pitch in on a regular basis, consider utilizing respite care at an assisted living community. These services are designed to offer safe harbor to older adults while giving their family caregivers time to rest.
Planning Ahead for a Parent’s Future Care Needs
Families often find ways to manage an aging parent’s care in the short term. But over time, their needs might increase or change. When that happens, you may not be able to provide care for them at home any longer. That’s why it’s a good idea to plan ahead and begin researching your options. We encourage you to include a visit to a Heritage location near you to learn more about the different types of care you’ll find in our communities!
by Shelley | Feb 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m preparing to call local senior living communities next week to begin the process of finding a place for my mom and dad. After the rough winter we just experienced, it’s become obvious that they just aren’t safe on their own. While I’m back and forth often, I live an hour away and winter can make getting to them very difficult sometimes.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been visiting websites for the senior living communities close to them and those close to me. I think I have a fairly good idea of which ones I’d like to visit in person. I’m just not sure what questions to ask. Some are obvious, such as pricing and availability. I’m hoping you can suggest other questions for me to ask to ensure we make a good decision.
Sincerely,
Jamie in Suttons Bay, MI
Asking the Right Questions on a Senior Living Tour
Dear Jamie:
When it’s time for a parent or other loved one to transition to senior living, families may find the search process overwhelming and confusing. But feeling confident in your decision is important. I usually begin by encouraging families to reach out to friends and colleagues who have been through the process with a senior loved one and are familiar with the local communities. The insight they can offer will be invaluable.
Next, you are right in thinking the questions you ask are essential. Here is what I typically recommend older adults and their families get answers to as they meet with staff:
- How does the community screen, hire, and train caregivers?
I start with this one because it is so important. The experience, compassion, and commitment of the team members at a community directly impact the quality of care residents receive. Not everyone is comfortable working with older adults or people who have disabilities. As you tour communities, make sure to ask how they evaluate candidates for empathy and compassion. That’s much more difficult than checking references and confirming experience.
Also find out about the actual hiring process, especially how background checks are completed. You want to know that the caregivers responsible for providing assistance to your parents are trustworthy. Finally, ask questions to see how new team members are trained and how they continue to update their skills.
- How many residents is each caregiver responsible for?
Another important consideration is how many residents each caregiver is responsible for on a typical day. When the number is too high, resident care can suffer.
Ask how many clinical team members and aides are on duty, and make sure that the number doesn’t include management staff who don’t deliver hands-on care.
Another reason lower caregiver-to-resident ratios are important is that it allows for greater continuity of care. Caregivers have time to get to know residents better. This makes it easier to detect small changes in their well-being and intervene before they become serious.
- What is the community’s turnover rate among team members?
While working with seniors can be a rewarding career path, caregiving jobs are usually physically and emotionally demanding. As a result, turnover is higher in the senior living industry than in other professions. The best communities, however, find ways to overcome this and reward staff for their commitment. So, be sure to inquire about the turnover rate at each community you visit.
- What is and isn’t included in monthly fees?
As you visit different senior living communities, you’ll soon discover each one has its own pricing structure. Some bundle care and services into one monthly fee, while others have different level of care charges based on how many activities of daily living a resident requires assistance with. That’s why it’s important to understand what is included in the monthly fee.
Equally important is knowing what additional fees you are likely to incur in an average month, such as for laundry or transportation. When you understand what is and isn’t included, you can more evenly compare one community with another.
Visit a Heritage Community Near You
I hope this information helps you feel more confident in your decision-making, Jamie. I’d like to invite you to visit any of our Heritage locations as you search for a community that is a good fit for your parents. Call us today to schedule a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
