by Shelley | Jan 28, 2026 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
As the primary caregiver for my grandpa, every day seems to present something new. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about 18 months ago.
Lately, he’s been getting agitated in the evenings. He paces and makes laps around the house. Several times I’ve caught him trying to open exterior doors and windows in what seems like an attempt to leave the house.
My husband and I moved in with my grandpa about six months ago to take care of him. I work remotely so I can be with him around the clock. But this behavior really has me worried. Our neighbor said her mom exhibited similar symptoms and the neurologist they saw called it sundowning.
Can you help me to better understand this behavior and what I can do to keep him safe?
Sincerely,
Morgan in Sutton’s Bay, MI
Navigating Sundowner’s Syndrome
Dear Morgan:
I’m glad you wrote to ask about this! It can be one of the most challenging behaviors associated with Alzheimer’s disease.
Sundowner’s syndrome, often called “sundowning,” occurs in older adults living with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. It refers to a pattern of increased confusion, agitation, anxiety, or restlessness that typically occurs in the late afternoon, evening, or nighttime hours. While sundowning can be distressing for both seniors and caregivers, understanding the condition and learning effective management strategies can help reduce its impact.
What Causes Sundowning?
The exact cause of sundowner’s syndrome is not fully understood, but several factors are believed to contribute:
- Changes in the body’s internal clock
- Fatigue from the day’s activities
- Reduced daylight and increased shadows
- More household noise in the evening
As you’ve witnessed, the most common signs of sundowning include increased confusion, pacing, restlessness, irritability, mood swings, paranoia, or verbal outbursts. Wandering from home or attempting to do so are also more likely.
Some people may become more withdrawn, while others may experience hallucinations or difficulty sleeping. These behaviors are not intentional and can be frightening for the person experiencing them.
Reducing the Symptoms of Sundowner’s Syndrome
Managing sundowner’s syndrome begins with creating a calm, predictable routine. Consistency helps provide a sense of security and reduces anxiety. Maintaining regular times for waking, meals, activities, and bedtime can help stabilize the body’s internal rhythm. Limiting daytime naps—especially late in the afternoon—may also improve nighttime sleep.
Other steps you can take to try to minimize the impact of the symptoms include:
- Managing lighting: Light plays an important role in managing sundowning. Increasing exposure to natural daylight in the morning and early afternoon can help regulate sleep-wake cycles. In the evening, keeping rooms well-lit can reduce shadows that may cause confusion or fear. Pulling blinds and curtains closed can also help. As bedtime approaches, gradually dimming lights can signal that it is time to wind down.
- Avoiding overstimulation: Reducing stimulation in the late afternoon and evening can also help. Loud noises, crowded spaces, or too much activity may increase agitation. Calm activities such as listening to soothing music, reading, or having gentle conversation can create a more relaxing environment. Avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and heavy meals later in the day may also reduce restlessness.
- Controlling physical needs: Meeting basic physical needs is essential. Ensuring the individual is well-hydrated, has eaten balanced meals, and is comfortable can prevent discomfort that may contribute to agitation. Pain, urinary urgency, or constipation should be addressed promptly, as these can intensify sundowning behaviors.
When agitation does occur, responding with patience and reassurance is key. Speaking calmly, offering simple explanations, and avoiding confrontation can help de-escalate the situation. Redirecting attention to a familiar or comforting activity may also be effective. Arguing or correcting the person can increase distress and should be avoided.
Support for Family Caregivers
For family members, managing sundowner’s syndrome can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It may be beneficial to schedule an appointment with your grandfather’s physician. They may have solutions to help.
You may also want to consider utilizing respite care services in a specialized dementia care community. Your grandfather will be in good hands while you take a break to rest or enjoy time with your husband.
I hope this information is helpful, Morgan!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 28, 2026 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My father passed away recently and my mom is living alone for the first time in her life. While she’s obviously grieving, she is also very lonely on her own. My husband and I have been thinking of getting her a dog this spring. It seems like a good time to bring a new friend into her home. Until my dad got sick, my parents always had a dog. They lost theirs just before my dad’s diagnosis.
While mom is planning on staying in her home for another year or so, we are trying to think ahead. Our hope is that she will be ready to transition to an independent living community before next winter. Do you think the benefits of having a pet as a senior are worth the extra work? Do most senior living communities allow pets? We want to clarify that before we approach my mom with this idea.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Chris in Williamsburg, MI
Can Pets Help Seniors Improve Emotional Well-Being?
Dear Chris:
First, my condolences on the loss of your father. I’m sure it’s been a tough time for you, too. Watching a parent grieve is also difficult. But it sounds like your idea could be worth considering.
Pets play a powerful role in enhancing emotional well-being, especially for seniors. As people age, life changes such as retirement, reduced mobility, or the loss of loved ones can lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation. Pets offer friendship, comfort, and a sense of purpose that can greatly improve a senior’s emotional health.
- Companionship: One of the most significant benefits of having a pet is companionship. Pets provide a constant, nonjudgmental presence, which can be especially comforting for seniors who live alone. The simple routine of greeting a pet in the morning or having one nearby throughout the day can reduce feelings of loneliness and create a sense of connection. For many seniors, pets become trusted friends to talk to.
- Lower stress: Pets also help reduce stress and anxiety. Studies have shown that interacting with animals can lower cortisol levels and increase the release of feel-good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin. Petting a dog or cat, listening to a bird sing, or watching fish swim can have a calming effect on the mind and body. This can be particularly beneficial for seniors dealing with anxiety, depression, or cognitive changes.
- Responsibility and purpose: Having a pet encourages routine and responsibility, which can be emotionally grounding. Daily activities such as feeding, grooming, or walking a pet provide structure and purpose. This sense of responsibility can help seniors feel needed and valued, reinforcing self-esteem and motivation. Even small tasks related to pet care can bring a sense of accomplishment and meaning to each day.
- Socializing: Pets also promote social interaction. Walking a dog through your community or local park often leads to casual conversations with neighbors and other pet owners. These interactions can help seniors build connections and feel more engaged with their community. In senior living settings, pets often become a shared source of joy, sparking conversations and strengthening relationships among residents.
- Devotion: Additionally, pets offer unconditional love. They do not judge, criticize, or hold grudges. This consistent affection can be deeply reassuring, particularly during times of emotional difficulty. For seniors coping with grief or major life transitions, a pet’s loyalty and presence can provide comfort and stability.
Finally, in response to your question about senior living communities and dogs, I would say most allow pets. But with a qualifier or two. Communities often have a weight/size limit and some may have breed restrictions. Most also require the senior to manage the pet’s care or be able to pay for someone who can.
If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to read this article, “Best Pets for Older Adults in Michigan,” on our blog. It might offer some additional insight on what types of animals to consider.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Dec 29, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My 84-year-old father is a veteran. His health has been slowly declining over the last few years. I don’t live close enough to him to provide the amount of care I think he needs.
Dad’s neighbor, who is also a veteran, told me there are benefits available to help pay for his care. He wasn’t sure how much my dad could qualify for or how it worked, though. Can you offer any advice or point me in the right direction?
Sincerely,
Julie in Midland, MI
Senior Care Covered by VA Benefits
Dear Julie:
I’m so glad that your father’s neighbor shared this information with you! There are benefits available for veterans who qualify, but they often go overlooked because older adults aren’t aware of them. So, here’s a quick overview.
The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs offers several programs that help pay for senior care, ranging from medical services to personal assistance for daily living. What a veteran qualifies for depends on service history, medical needs, income, and disability rating. The most notable one is the Veterans Aid and Attendance benefit. This benefit provides monthly payments added to the amount of monthly VA pension qualified veterans and survivors already receive.
How Does a Veteran Qualify for the VA Aid and Attendance Benefit?
To receive this enhanced benefit, a veteran must already be eligible for a basic VA pension. Once that hurdle is overcome, a veteran or their surviving spouse must:
- Require help with two activities of daily living (ADLs), which can include tasks such as dressing, bathing, or toileting
- Be bedridden due to an illness or injury
- Live in a nursing care center because of a physical or cognitive disability
- Have vision loss that measures 5/200 or less in both eyes, even when wearing glasses, or a visual field of 5 degrees or fewer
VA Aid and Attendance Benefit Amounts
The VA Aid and Attendance benefit is evaluated by Congress on a regular basis. They determine what is known as the maximum payment amount rate (MPAR). The benefit payment then depends on a veteran or surviving spouse’s individual circumstances.
Currently, a veteran, couple, or surviving spouse may be entitled to receive one of the following monthly benefits:
- Single veteran: Up to $2,358
- Married veteran: Up to $2,795
- Veteran with spouse who needs care: Up to $1,851
- Surviving spouse: Up to $1,515
- Two married veterans (both eligible): Up to $3,740
The VA does not directly pay communities, but a veteran can use their monthly payment for:
- Assisted living rent
- Personal care fees
- Memory care programs
- Medication management
- Other support services
Here’s a quick look at what types of care your dad might benefit from to help him enjoy the best quality of life.
Senior Care Services to Consider
Many veterans prefer to remain at home as they age, while others feel safer and less isolated in a community setting. The VA provides multiple programs to support either of these.
- Homemaker and home health aide services
These services help with ADLs such as bathing, dressing, toileting, meal preparation, and mobility assistance. An aide may come a few hours a week or work full-time, depending on assessed need.
The VA pays for temporary care to give a family caregiver time off. This can occur at home or in a senior care setting, such as assisted living, memory care, or a skilled nursing center.
These programs provide structured daytime supervision, social activities, rehabilitation therapies, and nursing services. It is ideal for families where the primary caregiver works full-time.
- Assisted living and personal care homes
Depending upon the state in which you will be looking for care for your dad, another solution might be an assisted living community. These are sometimes referred to as personal care homes. Families often consider these to be an ideal solution. They combine the privacy and independence of having a private apartment or suite with the support of on-site caregivers around the clock.
- Specialized dementia care
Designed to support the unique needs of adults with most forms of dementia, including Alzheimer’s, the VA Aid and Attendance benefit can be utilized for this type of senior living. They offer dedicated programs and services to meet the challenges of adults with memory impairments.
- Long-term nursing home care
For veterans with significant medical or custodial needs, the Veterans Administration may cover care in several types of long-term centers either directly or through the use of the Aid and Attendance benefit:
- Community living centers (VA-run nursing homes): These provide 24-hour skilled nursing, rehabilitation, social services, and memory care. Priority is often given to veterans with service-connected disabilities.
- State veterans homes: Partially funded by the VA but operated by states, these facilities offer long-term nursing care, memory care, and sometimes assisted living. Veterans typically pay a reduced cost.
- Community nursing homes (contracted private facilities): The VA contracts with participating nursing homes to pay part or all of the cost for eligible veterans when VA beds are unavailable or unsuitable.
I hope this quick overview is helpful, Julie! I invite you to call a Heritage location near your dad if you need help determining what type of senior care best meets his needs.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Nov 4, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad came to stay with my husband and our family this spring. He had been living alone since my mom passed away two years ago. We felt like he was spending too much time alone and not socializing much. It was negatively impacting his mental and physical well-being.
Mom and Dad used to host Christmas every year. My brother and his family would fly in for a few days and stay with my parents. Since we sold the house before moving Dad in with us, however, this year will be different. My brother has decided they won’t be coming for a visit until after the new year.
I’m hoping to find ways for my dad and my brother’s children to visit virtually throughout the holiday season. Like my kids, they are teenagers. So, I’m finding it difficult to come up with good ideas. Do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Caitlyn in Traverse City, MI
Virtual Ways Grandparents and Teens Can Connect This Christmas
Dear Caitlyn:
What a good observation on the part of you and your husband. Loneliness and isolation among older adults are linked to a variety of health issues ranging from depression to diabetes. It is very thoughtful to move your dad in with you, even temporarily.
The holiday season is a time for family, love, and connection. When distance or circumstances prevent grandparents and teenagers from gathering in person, technology offers creative ways to stay close and make meaningful memories together. Here are some fun and heartwarming ways to bridge the generational gap virtually this Christmas.
- Virtual holiday movie nights
Pick a classic Christmas movie, such as Home Alone, Elf, or The Santa Clause, and watch it together using a platform like Teleparty or Zoom. Don’t forget to encourage movie snacks for all parties involved!
- Holiday recipes and virtual cooking sessions
Food brings people together, even over video chat. Grandparents can walk teens through a cherished family recipe while cooking “together” on a Zoom call. This shared experience not only teaches cooking skills, but also keeps family traditions alive.
Games like Scrabble GO, Words with Friends, or online card games can be another fun way to connect. For something more personal, try trivia games based on family history. Have the teens prepare questions about the family tree, and grandparents can share stories sparked by the answers.
- Digital holiday scrapbooking
Use platforms like Canva or Google Slides to create a shared digital scrapbook. Grandparents can upload old Christmas photos, and teens can add modern touches, captions, or music. It’s a collaborative way to share memories and learn about each other’s experiences.
- Christmas karaoke or caroling via video chat
Nothing says holiday spirit like singing together. Host a virtual karaoke or caroling session. Teens can create a playlist, and everyone can join in from their living rooms. Don’t forget to video record it so you can have it for many years to come.
Connecting across generations doesn’t require being in the same room—it just takes intention, creativity, and a little digital magic. This Christmas, let the spirit of togetherness shine, no matter the distance.
Kind regards,
Donna
Tour Independent Living at Heritage Senior Communities
Retirement is a season in life most of us look forward to for many years. But the reality of maintaining a home can limit how you spend your time and money. If you are ready for a more hassle-free lifestyle, we encourage you to explore independent living communities that are a part of the Heritage family.
This popular type of senior housing offers older adults freedom, flexibility, and friendship. Call a community near you to schedule your private tour today!
by Shelley | Sep 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad has been on his own since my mom passed away two years ago. She was sick for a long time and my dad was her primary caregiver.
I am increasingly concerned about how lonely and isolated he has become. I live just over two hours away, so I can’t be there more than once a week. My dad has started restricting his driving, which I think is wise.
Recently, I’ve started talking with my dad about moving to a senior living community. From what I’ve learned, I believe assisted living would be a good fit for him. When I talk with my dad about moving, however, he continues to tell me that he’s “not ready yet.”
I’d like to start creating a list of the advantages these communities offer so that I can be more specific when I talk with my dad. I’m thinking I could present individual benefits to him in a low-key manner over time. Can you help me better understand what I should put on my list to share with him?
Sincerely,
Nicole in northern Michigan
Explaining the Benefits of Assisted Living to a Senior Loved One
Dear Nicole:
Thank you for asking this question and for bringing up the phrase “not ready yet.” It is indeed one of the most common responses adult children hear when discussing senior living communities with a family member. The phrase can mean anything from being overwhelmed at the idea of selling a home and moving to being fearful of giving up their independence.
Creating a list of benefits offered by assisted living to gradually share with your dad is a good idea. Planting these seeds might make him more open to the idea of making a move.
As you’ve likely discovered, assisted living communities offer a supportive environment for older adults who need help with daily activities. They do so while allowing residents to maintain as much independence as possible. These communities combine housing, personalized care, and a focus on quality of life.
Here are the key benefits of assisted living:
- Personalized Support with Daily Activities
Residents receive support with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as:
- Bathing
- Dressing
- Grooming
- Medication management
- Mobility
- Toileting assistance
This helps residents stay safe and comfortable while still maintaining autonomy.
- Safety and Security
Assisted living communities are designed with seniors’ safety in mind, offering:
- 24/7 staff availability
- Emergency call systems
- Secure premises
- Fall-prevention features in apartments and bathrooms
These features help reduce risks and provide peace of mind for residents and their families.
- Social Engagement and Community
Loneliness and isolation are common among older adults who live alone. Assisted living offers:
- Group dining
- Clubs and interest-based activities
- Outings and social events
- Shared spaces for interaction
Regular social engagement improves emotional well-being and cognitive health.
- Nutritious Meals and Dining Options
Residents enjoy:
- Balanced, chef-prepared meals
- Accommodations for dietary needs
- Social dining experiences
Proper nutrition supports overall health and can reduce the risk of chronic illness.
- Housekeeping and Maintenance
Assisted living eliminates the burden of home upkeep by providing:
- Housekeeping and laundry services
- Apartment maintenance
- Landscaping and snow removal
This frees up residents to focus on enjoying their time and hobbies.
- Health and Wellness Programs
Many assisted living communities offer:
- On-site wellness classes
- Health checkups, such as blood pressure screenings
- Access to on-site fitness equipment
These programs help residents maintain physical strength, balance, and overall well-being.
Assisted Living Brings Peace of Mind for Families
One final tip is to talk with your dad about how this move will benefit you and other loved ones. You can worry less knowing he is in a safe, secure environment with opportunities to make friends and build a strong social circle. Freeing you from doing hands-on caregiving tasks will allow the two of you to spend more quality time together.
I hope that all of this is helpful to you, Nicole. I’d like to invite you to visit one of our Michigan assisted living communities, even if it is on your own to learn more about our programs and services.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Sep 28, 2025 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging
Dear Donna:
My 84-year-old mother has been living on her own for about 7 years now. The first few years after my father passed away, she managed very well. Recently, however, things have changed.
My husband and I both work full time and have kids in high school and college. While we visit often to help her, it really isn’t enough. She recently had a bad car accident and totaled her vehicle. My mom was at fault and decided it was time to give up driving.
We take off work to transport her to appointments, grocery stores, and more. Between my husband, kids, and I, we also do most of her household chores. It is a struggle.
A few weeks ago, I sat down with my mom to talk about moving to an assisted living community. We discussed how isolated she feels and that she knows how much stress it is on me to be a sandwich generation caregiver. Though she is receptive to the idea, I think she is also hanging on to outdated myths about senior living. She can’t exactly articulate those to me.
Can you help me to better understand the most common myths about assisted living? How can I correct my mom’s perceptions?
Sincerely,
Stacey in Hudsonville, MI
Identifying and Overcoming Common Myths About Assisted Living
Dear Stacey:
That is very perceptive! For older adults who aren’t familiar with assisted living communities, believing inaccurate information isn’t all that uncommon. These incorrect beliefs can even make a person hesitant to explore assisted living.
While it’s natural to feel unsure about such a big transition, much of the fear around assisted living comes from common myths that don’t reflect reality. Let’s bust some of the most persistent misconceptions and take a closer look at what assisted living really offers.
Myth #1: “Assisted living is the same as a nursing home.”
Reality: This is one of the most common and misleading myths. While both offer care, assisted living and nursing homes are very different.
- Assisted living communities are designed for seniors who need some help with daily activities—like dressing, bathing, or managing medications—but are still relatively independent. Residents have a private apartment or suite with plenty of freedom, privacy, and access to social activities.
- Nursing homes, on the other hand, are for individuals with more complex medical needs who require round-the-clock clinical care. Residents receive the same help with activities of daily living in addition to assistance with needs such as wound care, IV therapy, respiratory care, and more.
Myth #2: “I’ll lose my independence.”
Reality: Assisted living is meant to support independence, not take it away. Residents can decorate their own spaces, choose their daily routines, participate in activities (or not), and maintain their own lifestyles. They receive help only where and when it’s needed.
Many seniors find they actually gain independence because they’re no longer burdened by home maintenance, cooking, or managing health needs alone. They also appreciate having transportation services so they don’t have to ask adult children to drive them to appointments.
Myth #3: “The environment is hospital-like and depressing.”
Reality: Modern assisted living communities are far from institutional. They are often beautifully designed with comfortable common areas, landscaped gardens, spacious private apartments, and resort-style amenities like salons, fitness centers, and even art studios.
The goal is to make residents feel at home. There’s a strong focus on community, wellness, and fun. You’ll typically see residents engaged in both formal (e.g., craft projects or fitness classes) and informal gatherings.
Myth #4: “I won’t know anyone or make new friends.”
Reality: Assisted living communities are intentionally designed to foster friendships and engagement. With activities like group fitness classes, movie nights, outings, and shared meals, residents have countless opportunities to connect with others.
Many seniors report feeling less lonely and more socially active after moving into assisted living. That’s important because the health risks associated with isolation among older adults can be quite serious.
Myth #5: “It’s too expensive.”
Reality: While cost is a valid concern, it’s important to compare assisted living costs to current and future living expenses, including housing, utilities, groceries, transportation, and in-home care services. Assisted living often consolidates these costs into one monthly fee. In some cases, it may be more affordable than maintaining a private home, especially with the added value of safety and care.
Visit a Heritage Community in Person
Stacey, I hope that this information helps you determine what might be making your mom hesitant about assisted living communities. One final suggestion is to schedule a time to visit a Heritage community near you, including staying for lunch or dinner.
Kind regards,
Donna
