With the holiday season quickly approaching, I have what some people might think is a strange question. Last year, around mid-December, I noticed that my Mom seemed to be feeling down a lot.
She’s 80, and I’m wondering if she was feeling a touch of the holiday blues. I’ve heard of this, but I’m not sure what causes it. I’d like to keep this from happening again. What can I do to keep her spirits up this holiday season?
Beth in Grand Rapids
The Holiday Blues and Older Adults
Thank you for asking this question. It’s not a strange one at all!
Mental health is an important issue this time of year, and you’re very perceptive for wondering about your mom’s frame of mind. Here are a few reasons why she may be feeling down, plus some suggestions about how you can help.
Commons Reasons Seniors Develop the Holiday Blues
- Long Distance Family
We all like to think this is the ‘season of joy’ but not everyone experiences the season in quite the same way. For some seniors, the holidays can actually bring sadness—especially if their children and grandchildren live far away.
From your letter, it sounds like your mom lives near you in Grand Rapids. Are there other family members, perhaps outside of Michigan, that she yearns to see? Can you arrange for them to visit during the holidays?
- Loss of Significant Other or Others They Hold Dear
Even seniors who are surrounded by family members all year long can still suffer sadness. One reason is they may be facing their first holiday season without their spouse. Many have lost friends or other family members, and the holiday season can highlight their absence, too.
Has your mom recently lost someone dear to her? If so, there’s no denying the sadness she may be feeling. You can help by being there for her. If and when she wants to talk, be a good listener. Encourage her to express her feelings to you at any time. Check in with her every day and let her know that you care.
- Thoughts of Better (Healthier) Times
This season triggers memories of past holiday celebrations in all of us. For older adults, those memories may only heighten their awareness of aging. Some older adults get the holiday blues because they’re mourning the loss of their own mobility or other physical capabilities.
Has your mom been experiencing health issues? Is she frail or experiencing a loss of appetite?
If you think the symptoms of aging might be causing her holiday sadness, try to plan some fun outings in the upcoming weeks. How about a spa day? Museums or a show? Holiday shopping? Be sure to plan outings that are manageable day for her.
Distracting her from any health issues she may have can help improve her mental well-being. Plus, proving that she can still get out of the house and have fun–despite her health issues–should help lift her spirits.
- Set Aside Lots of Time Together
Finally, some people find that the cure-all for many issues is spending quality time together. For your mother, any loss that she’s experienced can spark strong emotions. It doesn’t matter if the loss is a spouse, a friend, a pet, or the ability to dig in her garden.
If she’s like a lot of people, she may feel those losses more deeply during the holidays. Facing those emotions all at once during what’s supposed to be a joyous season is enough to bring on the blues in anyone.
Spend quality time with your mother so she doesn’t have to face all those emotions alone. Ask her for help with holiday prep activities, make her feel needed and included, and most of all, show your love in a variety of ways.
Beth, I hope this has helped you to understand your mom a little better. May you and your mother have a blessed holiday season, from everyone here at Heritage Senior Living.
Heritage Senior Living Communities Invites Your Questions
Beth’s question raised a lot of important issues and we are glad we could help shed some light on her mom’s situation.
Do you have a question for Donna?
Send it our way and we’ll make sure she gets it.
My mom has Alzheimer’s and watching her slowly slip away is so awful.
It also makes me worry that I will develop this awful disease. I’ve read some researchers think there may be genetic links to some forms of the disease.
While I know there is nothing I can do about my family history, I wonder if there are any steps I can take that may help me prevent Alzheimer’s?
I would appreciate any insight!
Stacey in Grand Blanc, Michigan
Can Alzheimer’s Disease be Prevented?
Alzheimer’s is definitely a devastating disease a senior and those who love them. It is understandable that you would be concerned about developing the disease yourself.
Researchers are still struggling to learn more about Alzheimer’s. Although there is no proven method of preventing the disease, there are steps you can do that may help reduce your risk
Eat a Well-Balanced Diet
Research has shown that seniors following the MIND diet have lowered their risk for reduced brain functioning by 35 percent. Even people who were so-so about maintaining the diet were 18 percent less likely to have reduced brain function.
The MIND diet is a combination of the Mediterranean diet and the DASH diet with a few tweaks. The diet is pretty simple: eat lots of green vegetables and fruit, particularly berries. Include whole grains, nuts, poultry, and fish.
Salmon, mackerel, herring, sardines, and albacore tuna are especially good for preventing Alzheimer’s because they contain omega-3 fats.
Dairy products, in moderation, are OK if they are low in fat. Olive oil is on the diet, but red meat, sugar and salt should be limited. Also, limit alcohol intake.
Smoking cigarettes is not recommended on this diet.
Anyone who puts effort into following the MIND diet will likely see a payoff. It can include a better functioning heart, healthy blood vessels, and optimal blood pressure—all of which are factors that decrease the risk of Alzheimer’s.
Exercise For Your Life
For years, studies have shown that exercise can benefit the brain and delay the start of Alzheimer’s. People who are less active have a higher risk of developing this disease.
Exercise helps to keep the blood flowing and increases the chemicals that protect the brain. The key is to exercise several times a week for 30 minutes or an hour. In a relatively short time you will feel the benefits of exercise: sharper thinking, improved memory, and better decision making.
Reduce Stress Daily For Your Memory And Mood
In a study looking at how stress impacted the brains of mice, researchers found that stressed mice had high amounts of a protein called beta-amyloids in their brains. These proteins cause memory problems.
Other research has linked these beta-amyloids to Alzheimer’s. Avoiding stress may be one way to keep your brain healthy.
But, let’s face it, stress in life is unavoidable. So it’s especially important when you are a caregiver for a parent with Alzheimer’s that you find ways to de-stress.
- Take advantage of community support through online resources or phone help lines.
- Use relaxation techniques: breathing exercises, visualization and muscle relaxation.
- Take time to express yourself. Self-expression through music, art, writing, private dance or movement can all help.
- Find ways to leave your problems behind for a little while. That might be by taking a walk, going to a movie or watching funny videos of babies or pets. There are days when just a long shower or an early bedtime can be a big help.
- Use positive affirmations and self-encouragement to reduce stress.
- If you have faith, use it to find peace and comfort while you are caring for your loved one and taking steps to reduce your risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
When The Stress Gets Too Much
Finally, it might help you to consider using respite care at the Heritage Senior Communities. Short-term breaks can do a lot to restore balance, energy, joy and hope.
My very best wishes to you and your family, Stacey.
I am searching for an assisted living community for my mother and I know it’s important to visit and take tours. However, I don’t just want to see the building and grounds. I want to be sure I come away from the tour having learned what I need to know.
The problem is I’m not sure what that is! How should I prepare? What questions should I ask? Help!!
-Sheila in Saginaw
Questions Families Must Ask on an Assisted Living Tour
You are definitely on the right track in wanting to ask good questions during your assisted living tour! Sounds like you just need a few questions to get going.
Assisted living tours are the best way for caregivers and their senior loved ones to get a feel for a particular community. Seeing the living spaces in person is important. But the real insight you’ll gain from your visit comes from the people you will meet.
Only from talking to the people who live and work at an assisted living community can you get a true sense of whether or not it is a good fit for a senior.
Questions to Ask When You’re On an Assisted Living Tour
You’re there to get a true picture of what it’s like to live in an assisted living community, so here are the three of the most important questions to ask.
- What services are available?
Some assisted living centers are stand-alone communities while others are part of a continuum of care. The additional levels of care at the community might include memory care, respite care, and independent living. Some families prefer this continuum of services so if their senior loved one’s needs change down the road, they won’t have to move again.
- What programs and activities are available?
Assisted living isn’t just about getting help with the tasks of daily living. It’s also about living a healthy lifestyle filled with enriching activities, programs, and events. So it is important to ask what sort of life enrichment activities and wellness programs there are each day. Also ask about special events and outings to local restaurants, parks and other attractions.
Another dimension to wellness is whether staff encourages residents to participate in programs and activities. You’ll want to talk to staff directly to learn more about the community’s wellness model and whether it includes personalized attention to case management.
- What staff members are on-site throughout the day (and night)?
The staff-to-resident ratio can vary from community to community, so this is an important area to investigate. Also, you’ll want to ask how many nurses are on hand at any given moment, and how often a doctor visits the community.
Don’t forget to ask about staff training and turnover, too. It’s usually a very strong indicator of the quality of care and services residents receive. If the staff is always coming and going, it’s going to be hard for them to get to know your senior loved one and their needs.
More Questions and a Checklist for Your Assisted Living Tour
The AARP maintains a comprehensive checklist for caregivers and their senior loved ones to use when they’re visiting assisted living communities. I’d recommend printing it out and using it before and during your tour.
Visit and Experience Heritage Senior Communities
At Heritage Senior Communities, we love visitors! We always encourage families to come for a tour, meet our staff and stay for lunch if you can.
There are Heritage Senior Communities located across the state of Michigan and in northern Indiana. Each offers a range of services, including assisted living care, independent senior living, dementia care, and short-term respite stays. Visit us online to find a Heritage community near you and schedule a tour.
I hope this helps, Sheila!
My father passed away about six months ago, and my mother seems to be struggling with loneliness. My parents always did everything together, from cooking meals to weekly yard work. Now that my dad is gone, my mom isn’t adjusting to single life as well as I’d hoped.
I know she’s still grieving for my dad, and that she misses him a lot. We all do. But I hate to see her spending more time in front of the TV, and less time out doing fun things that would make her happy. I’ve tried suggest that she get out and make new friends, but I don’t want to be pushy.
Do you have any suggestions for things I could try? I would love to get mom back into the social swing of things.
Kimberly in Lansing, Michigan
Thank you for your question. This is a dilemma that many older adults face when they lose a spouse or life partner. For many it feels like they’re starting their social lives over, which can be very daunting. Thankfully, there are lots of options available for jump starting a social life again.
Here are a few things you can suggest that may help your mother.
Helping a Parent Rebuild Their Social Circle
Reconnect with Old Friends
The internet offers wonderful opportunities for reconnecting with childhood friends and staying in town with loved ones near and far. There are several social media sites that would provide your mother with an easy way to find people she may have lost touch with years ago. Facebook is an especially popular social media channel for older adults to connect (and reconnect!) with friends and loved ones.
AARP notes that for adults who didn’t grow up in the ‘digital age,” technology can sometimes be frustrating. For aging loved ones who are hesitant to embrace the digital world, reconnecting with long-lost friends may be a great incentive to get started. If your mother seems reluctant, it may be that she’s not comfortable with her computer. Spending a little time showing her the ropes —including Facebook’s security and privacy settings — could help her get started.
Follow your Passions
Finding others who enjoy the same interests and hobbies is a great way to make new friends. You mentioned that your parents used to cook and do yard work together. Perhaps finding a local gardening club or a baking group would give her a chance to meet others with similar interests.
Ask your Mom if there’s something she’s always wanted to try, like wine tasting, photography or ceramics. Finding new things to try will provide opportunities to meet new people. Sometimes all a new friendship needs to blossom is a shared hobby.
Fitness with Friends
Exercise is critical to staying healthy, particularly as we age. The Mayo Clinic says that we naturally lose both muscle and strength as we age, which is why regular exercise is so important. But exercise is always more fun when you do it with friends!
If your mom doesn’t already have a regular exercise routine, you could suggest that she join a gym. If a gym membership isn’t in the budget, look into local walking clubs or classes offered at your local community center. Many offer a variety of inexpensive exercise classes, like:
- Water aerobics
- Tai Chi
- Gentle yoga
This would offer your mother the double benefit of both regular exercise, and a chance to meet new people.
Keep Other Needs in Mind
Be aware that your mom may still be coping with grief or even depression that can require more than just new friendships to move forward. Losing a beloved spouse is tough, and some seniors need more than just time to heal. If your mom is really struggling to find happiness in daily life, encourage her to talk to her doctor.
Also, daily home maintenance gets harder as we age. With the recent loss of your dad, your mom may be facing new challenges around the house. This could mean more work for her, and less time to socialize. I know it can be a very hard subject to discuss, but if your mom is having a hard time managing alone, it may be time to talk about senior living options in Michigan.
I wish you the best, and hope your mom is able to find fulfilling ways to meet people and make new friends.
With the heat of a Michigan summer upon us, I am struggling with an issue I face every year. That is, my dad just won’t drink much water. I am his primary caregiver and we have this back and forth battle every summer.
When we are outdoors and I try to remind him to drink more water, his response is always the same: “But I’m just not thirsty!”
What can I do to prevent him from becoming dehydrated?
Preventing Dehydration in Seniors during Summer
Like you, we’ve heard that question more times than we can count from adult children and family caregivers. Keeping seniors hydrated is a common theme among them.
If you’re trying to convince your father to drink water and you’re meeting with resistance, you’re not alone. In fact, that’s a very common excuse among older Americans.
It may be more than just an excuse, however. It might be the truth.
Reminding your father to drink water might not work if forgetfulness isn’t the problem. Since you’ve taken the time to write for help, I’ll assume you’ve told your father how important it is to drink water but it hasn’t done much good.
Let’s break this down and see where the problem lies. Then, we’ll list a few strategies for keeping your father hydrated, especially as summer comes into full swing.
Why Seniors Sometimes Don’t Drink Enough Water
In any situation where there’s friction between two people, it helps to consider the other point of view. From your father’s perspective, certain physiological changes related to the aging process could be playing a role in his behavior.
For instance, did you know that the aging changes in the way the body perceives hunger and thirst?
Researchers have long since discovered that, as people age, their desire to drink water seems to decline. That’s supported by scientific evidence, which shows that older adults’ brains respond differently to thirst. This may explain why keeping seniors hydrated can be challenging.
A study from the University of Texas Health Science Center showed that people in their 60s and 70s had different brain activations than people in their 20s when it comes to experiencing thirst.
That could explain why some older adults respond to dehydration by drinking even less water. The neurons in certain regions of the brain are simply sending the wrong signals.
So, when you father says he’s simply not thirsty, he may just be telling the truth. He doesn’t feel thirsty but the fact of the matter is, his body is plenty thirsty.
Strategies for Keeping Seniors Hydrated
A simple, frank discussion can have lasting, positive effects in your situation. It’s possible that when your dad understands the physiological changes you’ve just learned about, he’ll be able to override his senses and drink more water.
You can also make fluid intake a little more satisfying.
Here are some techniques for keeping your dad hydrated this summer:
- Prepare a pitcher of water to store in the fridge. Colder water is sometimes more appealing.
- Try putting some flavor into the water: lemon wedges, lime packets, orange slices, or flavor packages from brands like Crystal Light, which offer flavor without the sugar.
- Suggest that he drink eight ounces of water whenever he takes medication.
- He might like hot water or decaffeinated tea flavored with honey.
- Eating foods with a high water content —think cucumbers, lettuce, melon, berries and soups —- can help hydrate the body.
Consult a Physician
Considering your Dad’s perspective can help you understand the situation more fully. At the same time, however, it’s also important to rule out any health issues. If your father continues to avoid drinking water, talk to his doctor.
Some seniors don’t want to drink water — or any liquid, for that matter — because it means more trips to the bathroom. Decreased mobility and fear of falling in the bathroom may be factors here. Your dad’s doctor may be able to help with mobility issues.
You might feel frustrated with your dad, but try the tips I’ve just outlined. With more fluids in his body, he’ll be better off both physically and mentally. That’s an outcome that works for everyone!
Staying hydrated is small but important part of overall health for seniors. Here at Heritage Senior Communities, we’re concerned about every aspect of the health of our residents. It’s all part of the Heritage Difference.
If you’d like to learn more about our assisted living senior community, we’re always happy to talk or show our visitors around. Call us anytime!
My grandmother recently moved to one of your assisted living communities in Michigan. I am heading home from college soon and can’t wait to see her and her new apartment on Mother’s Day!
I would like to bring my grandma a housewarming/Mother’s Day present, but I’m struggling to come up with the right gift idea. Do you have any suggestions? My mom told me space is limited, so I need to come up with something meaningful but small!
Mother’s Day Gift Guide for Grandmothers
First off, I’m happy to learn your grandmother now calls one of our communities home! She’s no doubt anxious to show you around her new place.
As far as your struggle to come up with an idea for a Mother’s Day gift idea for your grandma, you aren’t alone. It is one of the most common questions we hear from family members this time of year. And it’s why we created this gift guide. We hope it will help you and other family members who have a loved one who lives in an assisted living community.
Sentimental Mother’s Day Gifts
Most grandmothers cherish anything that highlights their family. The best Mother’s Day gift for your grandma might be one that honors that sentiment. A few ideas include:
- Scrapbook that contains photos of loved ones and memorabilia from important family milestones
- Personalized calendar that has all of your family’s important birthdays and anniversaries printed on it
- Book of coupons she can trade for time with you, such as lunch out in a local restaurant or computer lessons
Splurge Gifts for a Cherished Grandmother
If your grandmother is like many older adults, she rarely splurges on gifts for herself. So think about what she might enjoy, including activities you can do together while you are home for the summer. Some suggestions could be:
- A facial, makeover, manicure, or pedicure for the two of you to indulge in together
- Gift certificate for the in-house beauty/barber shop at her assisted living community
- Basket of pampering items for you and your grandmother to enjoy a home spa afternoon together
- Gift card to a clothing store you know your grandmother likes along with a promise to be the one to take her shopping there
Gifts to Encourage Wellness
Other gifts to consider for your grandmother might be those that encourage her to stay active. A few senior-friendly ideas could be:
- A pedometer or fitness tracker
- Walking shoes or sneakers with good support
- Active wear such as a comfortable jogging suit
- A book and/or DVD on meditation
Gifts to Support Life-long Learning
Staying mentally fit as we grow older means staying connected to friends, loved ones and the community. Here are a few gifts that make it easier for your grandmother to do just that:
- A tablet she can use to connect on social media and email
- Gift card to her favorite local craft store and a pledge to be her driver to and from the store
- Help pay for a class she’s always wanted to pursue such as guitar lessons or a French class – there are many online opportunities to continue learning
Finally, never underestimate how important the gift of your time is to your grandmother. Set up a movie night to enjoy together or an afternoon to join her for lunch and an activity at her assisted living community. She will love being able to show off her college granddaughter!
I hope these ideas help you enjoy Mother’s Day with your grandmother, Heather!