by Shelley | Aug 29, 2024 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging
Dear Donna:
My mom has several friends who have recently moved to assisted living communities. Both are widows whose adult children don’t live nearby. According to my mother, they are both happy to have made this transition. She’s been dropping hints that this might be something she is considering, too.
While I think my mom would benefit from social activities and having staff nearby 24/7 in case she needs help, I’m not sure I’m ready to give up being her caregiver. It’s a role I’ve been playing for almost five years now. While it can be demanding at times, such as when she’s not feeling well, I feel like I should be the one to care for her.
Because her friends’ families live out of town, it’s not been an issue for them. But I wonder if the staff at senior living communities truly wants adult children like me to be actively involved or if it’s just a nuisance. Any insight and advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Stacey in Saginaw, MI
The Role Adult Children Can Play in a Parent’s Senior Living Community
Dear Stacey:
It’s completely understandable to feel the way you do, particularly as you’ve been caring for your mom for so long now. The good news is that senior living communities welcome family involvement. It can be especially helpful during the early days after the transition when our team is trying to get to know a new resident.
At Heritage Senior Communities, for example, we believe that the best care occurs when residents, families, and team members work together. In fact, that partnership is really what “community” is all about.
If your mom does decide she’d like to make a move to an assisted living community, here are some tips you might find useful for getting involved.
- Make it easier for staff get to know your mom.
By regularly visiting and making small talk with staff, you’re helping them do their job. The more they know about and understand a new resident’s situation, the better equipped they’ll be to care for them. Studies have shown that when team members at an assisted living community know a resident well, they will be able to identify small changes in their well-being more quickly.
Knowing your mom’s family background and personal life story, such as her career, marriage, and children/grandchildren, will be helpful. So will understanding her health and wellness. These paint a complete picture of your mom for staff. That’s important because it helps build bonds and connections. Stronger connections can lead to a more homelike experience for your loved one.
- Offer to share your time and talent.
Most senior living communities welcome volunteer involvement. There are typically opportunities to assist with administrative tasks, special events, daily activities, and outings to nearby destinations. The nice thing is these don’t require any special training or skills. Just a friendly smile and helping hand!
If you do have a unique talent, such as playing the harp or teaching gardening or watercolor painting, the community will likely be excited to have you share them with residents. These types of activities are a popular part of daily life. Plenty of research shows that volunteers themselves reap many rewards when they donate their time to others.
- Make yourself available to staff.
One final tip is to make certain the staff at your mom’s senior living community knows that you are interested in helping out however you can. That includes ensuring the community’s leadership team understands that you want them to call with any questions or concerns they have about your mom. When you make a point of having a warm relationship with staff members, they’ll feel more comfortable reaching out to you.
Plan a Visit to a Heritage Location Near You
If your mom does want to move forward and begin exploring senior living communities, we hope you will put Heritage on your list. One of our experienced team members will be happy to show you and your mom around and answer any questions you might have. Give us a call to set up a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 30, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad has been on his own for about three years now since my mom passed away. During this time, his health has been slowly declining. My sister and I live fairly close to his house and have been trying to assist him whenever and however we can. The catch is my dad is a very proud man. He is adamant that he doesn’t need help, even though he clearly does.
My sister and I are looking for suggestions from experts like you on how to support an aging parent without being perceived as bossy or domineering. Do you have any advice? We would greatly appreciate any recommendations.
Sincerely,
Jeff in Grand Haven, MI
Assisting an Aging Parent While Protecting Dignity and Independence
Dear Jeff:
This is such a tough situation and one that many adult children find themselves trying to navigate. It is so difficult to watch a parent’s health decline and struggle to find ways to help. While there is no magic formula for getting a senior loved one to accept assistance, I can offer you a few suggestions.
- Initiate a conversation with empathy: Approach conversations with your dad from a place of empathy and understanding. Start by expressing your concern for his well-being and asking open-ended questions about his needs and preferences. For example, you might want to say, “Dad, it seems as if you’ve been having trouble with [specific task]. How can I help make that easier? Can we do that together or find someone we can pay to do it?”
- Offer specific, practical help: Instead of making broad statements or assumptions about what your dad needs, offer specific and practical assistance. For instance, suggest concrete ways you can help or hire outside assistance. It could be scheduling doctor’s appointments if the office uses an online platform or finding a local landscaping company. If he’s struggling with grocery shopping, perhaps you could order his groceries online each week for curbside pick-up or delivery.
- Approach support collaboratively: Along the same lines as offering specific types of help is to approach caregiving as a collaborative effort where you, your sister, and your dad each have a voice. Suggest that the three of you work together to create a plan that includes financial decisions, household tasks, personal needs, and ideas for the future. This might help avoid giving your dad the perception that you are trying to take over or boss him around.
- Practice active listening: When you are convinced you know the best solution for an aging loved one’s health and well-being, it can be difficult to sit back and listen. But it is an important step in getting your dad to consider making changes. Listen attentively to his concerns, fears, and preferences without interrupting or imposing your own agenda. Validate his feelings and show you are trying to understand the situation from his perspective.
- Value decision-making: Recognize that your dad has the right to make decisions about his own life, including his health and how he handles his living arrangements. If you are worried that he is making the wrong decision—or no decision at all—try to provide him with additional information and options. In the end, however, you might have to accept and honor his wishes.
- Be patient and flexible: Recognize that caregiving can be challenging and unpredictable. Be patient with your dad and yourselves as you and your sister navigate the ups and downs of caring for an aging parent. Remain flexible and be willing to adapt to changing needs and circumstances. It’s the best way to keep the lines of communication open.
- Express appreciation: Remember to express gratitude to your dad when he allows you or your sister to pitch in and help. When he sees how sincere your gratitude is, your dad may gradually come around to accepting more assistance.
Finally, I want to share an article you might find useful if you feel moving to an assisted living community is the best solution for your dad’s health and safety. “How to Overcome a Parent’s Resistance about Assisted Living” offers suggestions on how to determine the underlying issue that might be causing a senior’s reluctance to make a necessary change.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 2, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My mom and I have both had a pretty tough year. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and battled it for six months before his death. The two of us are pretty worn out and in need of some fun and relaxation. I would like to take my mom on a real vacation, but she has some mobility challenges. She can walk only for short distances before she needs the assistance of a walker or wheelchair.
We are open to traveling by car, plane, or even a train. The key is to make our trip as easy as possible for my mom. Do you have any suggestions? We live in southeast Michigan but are open to going anywhere!
Sincerely,
Anna in Midland, MI
Vacation Destinations for Older Adults with Limited Mobility
Dear Anna:
My condolences on the loss of your father. Caring for a loved one with a life-limiting illness can be mentally and physically exhausting. It seems like you and your mom could definitely use a vacation!
Since it sounds like your mom’s mobility issues are understandably a worry for you, I’m sure it’s tough to figure out how to plan your getaway. With that in mind, here are a few tips that might help you narrow your choices:
- Consider taking a cruise: While cruise ships can be large and require a considerable amount of walking, they also have accessible options for those who require it. Most have wheelchairs that can be rented for the duration of the trip, as well as accessible cabins and physical environment. Features often include wider doorways with no sills or lips, raised toilet seats, handrails along hallways, accessible balconies, lower rods in closets, and benches in the shower. On-board restaurants and theaters have designated seating for those who use wheelchairs or other mobility devices. This article ranking the best cruise lines for people with limited mobility might be a helpful read.
- Explore a national park: After the tough months that you and your mom experienced, connecting with nature might give your spirits a boost. Fortunately, America’s National Park Service has a variety of options for people who struggle with mobility. Many have accessible trails and scenic drives that are great for people of all ages who have limited mobility. Some of the parks also offer educational programs and tours led by park rangers so you can learn about the natural history and the diverse wildlife. A few senior-friendly parks include Acadia National Park in Maine, Yosemite National Park in California, Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky, and Hawaii Volcanoes National Park in Hawaii.
- Travel by train: If busy airports, long car rides, national parks, or large cruise ships don’t appeal to you, maybe taking a train trip will. Among the many benefits of rail travel is that you can sign up for a trip that includes your own sleeping space. You’ll avoid having to unpack and repack your suitcase at multiple locations. Train travelers over the age of 65 often receive special discounted pricing, too. The Accessible Travel Services page on Amtrak’s website has some great information you’ll want to review if you decide to hit the rails for your vacation.
Finally, if you decide you’d like to include younger family members in your travel party, we have some information that might help you plan. “Intergenerational Summer Vacations” contains more helpful destination ideas.
Sending you and your mom best wishes for a great vacation!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 2, 2024 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m hoping you can help me determine what type of care might be most beneficial for my mother. My dad passed away last year after a long battle with cancer. During his final years, she was very busy caring for him and had little time for herself. Now that he is gone, she doesn’t seem interested in reconnecting with friends and family. She’s also lost weight and experienced a few falls.
Her primary care physician thinks it’s just part of the grieving process. As her daughter, I think there is more to it. She and I have discussed how lonely she feels, and I’m pretty sure she is willing to consider moving to a senior living community. I started doing some research. However, I can’t figure out the difference between independent and assisted living or which one might be the best fit for my mom.
Can you help clarify what these types of care entail?
Sincerely,
Beth in Saginaw, MI
Independent Living Versus Assisted Living
Dear Beth:
Great question! I can definitely help explain a few similarities and differences between these two popular types of senior living.
Let’s start with independent living. These communities are often a good fit for seniors seeking freedom from the burdens of homeownership and/or an opportunity to be more social. Because housekeeping tasks and maintenance chores are handled by staff, residents have more time to pursue their interests.
These communities often plan and host travel groups, life-enrichment activities, continuing education classes, and wellness programs. They also make it easy for residents to connect with volunteer opportunities on-campus or in the local area. Some additional benefits include:
- Healthy meals: Cooking for one can seem like too much work for many single seniors. It can lead to a reliance on unhealthy convenience foods or skipping meals entirely. In an independent living community, chef-inspired meals are usually included.
- Wellness: Staying active and engaged is easier for residents because a variety of physical activities are offered each day. These often include walking groups, yoga, Zumba, weight training, stretching classes, and workouts in an on-site fitness center.
- Friendships: As you mentioned, adults who live alone often feel isolated and lonely. With a move to an independent living community, a resident usually expands their circle of friends. Residents have a chance to meet new people through both formal and informal gatherings.
- Transportation: While these services vary by community, most have either on-site transportation staff or team members who can help coordinate transportation needs. That’s a helpful service for adults who’ve limited or given up driving.
The Benefits of Assisted Living
In addition to the benefits outlined above, assisted living communities offer residents a helping hand to live their most independent life. By providing support with the activities of daily living (e.g., grooming, bathing, and medication management), the staff at these communities helps protect resident health and safety.
Common services found in assisted living communities include:
- Support with personal care, such as bathing, grooming, and dressing
- Assistance with toileting and continence care needs
- Medication management
- Housekeeping, laundry, trash removal, and maintenance
It’s important to note that an assisted living community isn’t the same as a nursing home. Assisted living residents need help with personal care and daily tasks, while those in a nursing home usually have more complex medical needs. In a nursing home, skilled care is typically delivered by nurses, physical therapists, and other medical professionals.
I hope this gives you a better understanding of the basics of independent and assisted living, Beth! Please call a Heritage community near you if you have any questions or would like to schedule a private tour for you and your mom.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 1, 2024 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging
Dear Donna:
I’m writing in hopes that you can answer a few questions for me. I’ve been living alone the past three years since my husband lost his battle with cancer. We had purchased a condo about two years before he got sick, and it’s been an easy place to maintain by myself. However, I’m ready for a change.
Many of my friends have passed away or moved to be closer to their children, so my social circle has decreased. While both of my kids are great about checking in on me and helping when I need them, I don’t want to be a burden.
I’ve been seeing ads for independent living communities, and it sounds like they might be a good option for me. However, I want to make sure I’m on the right track before I make any major life changes. Can you tell me how a single woman might benefit from moving to one of these communities? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Barb in Omena, MI
Understanding the Benefits of Independent Living
Dear Barb:
It sounds like you are on the right track! I’m happy to share some of the ways independent living communities benefit active older adults. They include:
- A variety of different services
Independent living communities offer a wide range of services designed to make it easier for you to live a more independent, carefree lifestyle. These vary from one community to another, but often include housekeeping/laundry, meal plans, transportation services, and access to fitness facilities and daily life enrichment activities. Residents also leave worries about lawn care and maintenance behind when they move.
- Access to more care if it’s needed
Your move may also take care of your future needs. For example, some independent living communities are part of a campus that includes assisted living and/or dementia care. If your need for care and support changes down the road, you’ll be able to remain part of the same community.
- Around-the-clock safety and security
Independent living communities offer a safe and secure living environment. In addition to on-site staff around the clock, most individual apartments or suites have emergency call systems. This can give seniors and their loved ones greater peace of mind.
- Flexible, maintenance-free living
Residents usually have a choice of floor plans, and some communities even offer different housing options for independent living. For example, it might be a stand-alone villa, an apartment, or a suite. What they all have in common is maintenance-free living. By moving to an independent living community, you’ll leave behind worries about furnace repair or tracking down a trustworthy contractor to install a new roof. That’s in addition to not having to concern yourself with lawn care or snow removal.
- Formal and informal ways to socialize
Independent living offers a variety of opportunities for socializing, entertainment, and fun. This is often one of the primary reasons older adults make this type of move. Each community has a calendar of daily activities for residents to enjoy. They typically range from fitness classes and movie nights to outings to a local mall or museum. On an informal basis, you’ll find residents enjoying a cup of coffee together in the lounge in the morning or working on a volunteer project together for a local nonprofit organization.
I hope this gives you a better idea about what a day as a resident of an independent living community looks like, Barb!
Please call a Heritage Senior Living community near you to schedule a tour at your earliest convenience. One of our experienced team members will be happy to show you around and answer any questions you have about independent living.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 30, 2024 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband and I are about to begin the search for an independent living community in Michigan. We are tired of home maintenance, repairs, and being tied down. Independent living seems like a solution that offers freedom and flexibility.
We are trying to figure out a timeline for everything. We will need to significantly downsize our belongs and sell our house. While we have savings and investments to help supplement our lifestyle for a while, the equity in our home is one of our biggest assets.
As we are working on our plan, we keep getting stuck on when to put our house up for sale. Should we start the process before we find an independent living community to move to or wait until after we’ve made our transition? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Alysha in Grand Haven, MI
When to Sell the House When You Are Downsizing to Senior Living
Dear Alysha:
This is a question we are asked quite often. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. But I can offer you a few suggestions on what you and your husband should consider.
- How soon will you need the equity from the sale of your house?
Like you mentioned, a house is often a senior’s greatest financial asset. You’ll likely benefit from creating a budget that gives you an idea of when you will need the funds from the sale of your home to help pay your monthly fees.
Then consider the health of your local housing market. In a hot sellers’ market, it may be easy to move first and then sell. You won’t have to worry about when and if your house will sell.
Bridge loans are an option to consider if the market is slower. These allow you to use the equity you have in your house to finance a move to senior living. Many only require you to pay the interest on the loan until the house sells. Once your residence is sold, you can pay off the bridge loan. A variety of banks and lenders offer these programs.
- Can you keep the house in show-ready condition?
If you’ve ever sold a house before you know how tough it can be to keep it show-ready at all times. You never know when a realtor is going to ask to bring a client by. A clean, clutter-free house generally suggests that the house is well maintained. However, the process of downsizing and packing isn’t usually tidy.
If your budget permits, you might find it less stressful to move, clean out the house, and then hire a staging company. Professional home stagers are experts at creating an environment that attracts buyers and closes deals more quickly. They’ll even bring in enough furniture and décor to help make the home look inviting.
- Are you willing to accommodate showings at all hours?
Potential buyers might work and have busy family schedules. Or they may be visiting from out of town and have a tight timeline. This often results in requests for early-morning or late-evening showings. When you first list your house, you may even have multiple viewings in one day. While you can restrict access to certain days and times, it might cause you to miss out on a sale.
Also keep in mind that when a home is being shown to potential buyers, the real estate agent often asks the homeowners to be absent. It is important to consider whether these interruptions will pose a hardship.
I hope these tips help you and your husband decide what option is the best fit for your budget and future plans!
Kind regards,
Donna
Visit Independent Living at Heritage
We invite you to include a Heritage independent living community near you in your search. Call us today to schedule a tour!
