How to Protect Dignity When a Loved One Has Dementia

Dear Donna:

My dad was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. As his disease began to progress, we moved him in with my family. We know it is a short-term solution, but I was worried about his judgment and safety.

Recently, his disease has been causing unusual behaviors. He would be embarrassed by his actions if he were more cognitively aware. I don’t want to leave him isolated at home when my family goes out, but I also want to protect his dignity. He’s always been such a proud man. But even having a quick meal at a local restaurant has become difficult.

Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,

Vickie in Midland, MI

Protecting Dignity When a Senior Has Dementia

Dear Vickie:

This is a challenge we hear often from families! No matter what type of dementia an older adult is diagnosed with, it can cause them to exhibit behaviors that aren’t in line with their personality. It’s distressing for loved ones to witness. Dining out at local restaurants is one area that families say can be the most challenging.

Here are a few suggestions to try:

• Be mindful of language and tone: First, remember that language matters. Always speak to your dad as an adult, never as a child, even when he is confused or repeats himself. This is important anytime, but especially when other people are around. Correcting him harshly or pointing out mistakes can feel humiliating. Instead, try to focus on validating his feelings instead of the facts. If he misremembers something, gently redirect the topic or go along with his viewpoint when it causes no harm. Preserving dignity often means choosing kindness over accuracy.
• Learn to recognize triggers: One of the most important strategies is to identify triggers. Changes in routine, loud environments, fatigue, hunger, pain, or fear can all intensify difficult behaviors. Observing patterns—what happens before, during, and after an episode—can help caregivers anticipate problems and reduce them before they escalate. Use what you learn to figure out when it’s appropriate to include your dad in public outings. If it wouldn’t be appropriate, ask a friend or family member to keep him company at home while you go out.
• Practice redirecting behaviors: Redirection is another effective way to protect your dad’s dignity. If a behavior cannot be safely accommodated, gently shifting attention to a different activity, topic, or environment can diffuse the situation. Giving him earbuds and playing soft music might help. You could also try taking a short walk around the restaurant or the parking lot of his doctor’s office. Some families have found it useful to create dementia activity kits, sometimes referred to as “busy boxes,” of items that can keep their loved one productively occupied during outings.
• Manage your response: Nonverbal communication, such as eye contact, smiling, or a gentle touch (when appropriate), can be more effective than words. Stay calm and speak slowly in a reassuring tone to help de-escalate tense situations. Arguing, correcting, or trying to “reason” with someone who has dementia often increases distress. Instead, validation is powerful. Acknowledging emotions—“I can see you’re upset” or “You seem scared”—helps the person feel heard, even if the cause of distress is unclear. While this can be tough to do in the moment, it’s important to teach yourself how to accomplish it.

I hope these tips help your dad and the rest of your family. One final suggestion is really more of a reminder. Caregiving for someone with dementia is physically and emotionally exhausting. At Heritage Senior Communities, we offer respite services as part of our specialized dementia care. These programs are designed to give family caregivers a break. I encourage you to call a location near you to learn more!

Kind regards,

Donna