How Adult Children Can Support a Parent in a Transition to a Senior Living Community

Dear Donna:

My mom has been living on her own since my dad passed two years ago. It’s the first time she’s ever lived alone. While I knew this would be a tough time for her, it’s been even more difficult than we imagined. My mom has always been very active and social, and she’s really struggling now.

Dad did most of the driving after they both retired, largely because my mom has some mobility challenges. Because I live a few hours away, I can’t be there to drive her to the activities and events they always participated in. So, mom is on her own much of the time. I believe she would benefit from a move to a senior living community, but I don’t know how to talk with her about it and help her through a transition like this.

Do you have any suggestions? I really want to support her and help her regain her sense of belonging.

Sincerely,

Marisa in Saginaw, MI

Helping a Parent Explore Senior Living

Dear Marisa:

First, my condolences on the loss of your father. I’m sure it’s difficult for you on many levels, not the least of which is watching your mom struggle.

Many adult children wrestle with initiating this conversation. They may also have a hard time figuring out their role once their parent does get on board with the transition. I have a few tips that I hope you will find useful:

• Choose the right moment: Find a calm, private time when you can talk together without distractions. Frame the conversation as a collaborative discussion rather than a decision that has already been made. Using phrases like “I’ve been thinking about ways to make life easier and more enjoyable for you” can help keep the tone supportive instead of directive.
• Listen well: It’s important to practice active listening when you have this discussion. Your mom may have fears about losing her independence, leaving her home, or adjusting to a new environment. Give her space to express those concerns without interrupting or dismissing them. Acknowledge her feelings and validate them. Even if you don’t agree, showing that you understand builds trust and keeps communication open.
• Focus on the benefits: Instead of emphasizing what your mom can no longer do, highlight what she will gain by making this transition. Senior living communities have many benefits that she might not be aware of, such as fewer worries about home maintenance, more opportunities for social interaction, well-balanced meals, and access to caregiver support. Personalizing the advantages based on her lifestyle and preferences can make the idea more appealing.
• Explore options together: If your mom is comfortable with technology, you could begin by researching communities online from your own homes. Then talk about the options that seem like the best fit. Once you have a few possibilities, schedule a time to visit in person. Giving her a sense of control can ease anxiety and help her feel empowered rather than pushed.

Once a decision is made, supporting the transition is just as important as initiating the conversation. A few items you’ll want to start thinking about are:

• Downsizing: Help your mom downsize gradually. This gives time to sort through belongings and decide what to keep. Remember, the process can be emotional, so be patient and supportive. Focus on preserving meaningful items that will make her new space feel like home.
• Staying engaged: How you support your mom after the move will be important. Visit regularly, encourage her to participate in activities, and help her build connections within the community. Adjusting can take time, and your continued presence will provide reassurance during the transition.

Finally, recognize that this is not a one-time conversation but an ongoing dialogue. Be prepared for hesitation or even resistance, and don’t rush the process. With compassion, open communication, and steady support, you can help your mom navigate this change in a way that respects her dignity and promotes her well-being.

Since you mentioned that you live in Saginaw, we would like to invite you to tour our Heritage community there. We also have additional Heritage locations throughout Michigan that you might want to explore, too.

Wishing you and your mom the best, Marisa.

Kind regards,

Donna