Searching for Senior Care After a Holiday Visit with a Loved One

Dear Donna:

My mother-in-law lives in Michigan, while my husband and I live on the West Coast with our children. Though we chat with her via Zoom several times a week, we usually only see her in person once or twice a year.

Last June, we spent a week with her and she seemed to be managing well. During our Christmas visit, however, she was much frailer. I would say it’s more a general age-related decline in her health rather than any specific illness, but I don’t know for sure.

My husband and I talked on the flight home, and we think it’s time to explore options for senior care. We’re both worried about her living alone so far from us, but she is so well-established in her community there’s very little chance she’ll move closer to us. We’re pretty confident that she needs to move to a senior community.

Do you have any idea how we could begin to search for care solutions? We aren’t sure how to get started.

Sincerely,

Cassie

What to Do When a Senior Loved One Needs More Help

Dear Cassie:

This is a popular question we tend to receive after the holidays! Families who are separated by great distances are often surprised to see how much a loved one’s health has declined, especially when their family member has been assuring them that they are fine.

One of the first steps that I would encourage you to take is to ask her how long it’s been since she’s seen her primary care doctor. If it’s been a while, it’s important to encourage her to schedule a physical to check on her health.

Since you indicated your concern about your mother-in-law being alone, one interim suggestion might be to explore in-home care providers near her. They can help with light housekeeping, grocery shopping, laundry, and more. That can give you time to thoroughly search for a senior living community.

As far as starting the search goes, I have some pointers that I think will help.

How to Start the Search for Senior Living for a Family Member

Beginning the process of finding a community for a loved one can feel overwhelming. By taking a thoughtful, step-by-step approach, you can make it more manageable.

• Learn about the different types of senior living: Start by discussing your mother-in-law’s needs with your husband. Consider factors such as her level of independence, any special medical requirements, her budget, and social interests. This helps determine whether assisted living or independent living is most appropriate.
• Research nearby options: Next, research communities in the areas your mother-in-law likely wants to live in. Visit their websites and social media pages to see if they offer different levels of care and to determine whether or not they feel like a good fit. If they have a virtual tour on their website, spend some time reviewing it. This will help you build a list of communities that might be possibilities.
• Prepare your questions: Before you make any initial phone calls, create a list of questions you’ll want to ask. Include things such as availability, staffing, safety measures, meal options, and costs.
• Make screening phone calls: With these calls, you’ll primarily want to eliminate communities that are obviously not good options. Two factors to consider are cost and a long waiting list.
• Schedule in-person tours: While virtual visits can be very helpful, nothing beats getting inside a community. It gives you an opportunity to look around and talk with residents and staff. You’ll also want to create a list of questions to ask during a tour.

Finally, make every effort to involve your mother-in-law in the process. While overwhelming her with small details might not be necessary, making her feel like she is in control of her own life decisions is important.

I hope these tips are useful to you! Best of luck on the journey.

Kind regards,

Donna