Advice for Family Caregivers Who Are Feeling Overwhelmed

Dear Donna:

My grandmother moved into my parents’ home just over a year ago. She experienced a series of falls that her primary care doctor felt were related to poor nutrition and a sedentary lifestyle. The goal in bringing my grandma into my parents’ home was to help her get stronger so she could continue to live independently.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. My grandmother’s health deteriorated even more and it looks as if the move to my parents’ home will likely be permanent. My mom and dad live in Michigan. I live all the way out in the state of Washington, so I can’t be much help to them. But I can tell my mom is exhausted and needs assistance. I think she is doubting how well she is doing taking care of my grandmother.

Do you have any advice on how I can support my mom long distance?

Sincerely,

Jayme

What to Do When the Family Caregiver Needs Assistance

Dear Jayme:

Family caregiving can be a rewarding but demanding role. And it’s one an increasing number of people find themselves in. Research shows that between 2011 and 2022, the number of family caregivers in this country climbed from 18.1 million to 24.2 million. That brings me to my first suggestion: help your mother connect with peers who also find themselves struggling to manage it all.

While many organizations near her likely offer in-person options, an online caregiver support group might be easier on her busy schedule. Talking with people who share her fears and frustrations can go a long way in making her feel more confident as a caregiver.

A few other steps that might make your mom’s daily life more manageable could be:

• Exploring respite care options: If your mom isn’t familiar with respite care, you can help educate her on it while also investigating providers in her area. Some families enjoy taking advantage of short-term stays at an assisted living community on a regular basis. Loved ones can take time for themselves knowing their family member is in good hands.
• Organizing help from others: It’s not uncommon for an adult child who is caring for a parent to feel it is their duty to provide all of their care without asking for assistance from others. Busy caregivers often feel too overwhelmed to even ask for help. Even from many miles away, you can coordinate a rotating schedule of assistance with friends and family. Apps like Lotsa Helping Hands and CaringBridge make this easier for you to do.
• Utilizing meal delivery services: One challenge many people experience while caring for a family member is a lack of time to prepare healthy meals. Fortunately, there are options. You could explore home-delivered meal programs that meet your parents’ and your grandmother’s dietary needs and preferences.
• Encouraging self-care without guilt: Sometimes, reminding a caregiver that it is okay (and necessary) to take breaks, rest, and care for themselves without feeling guilty can make a big difference. It gives them permission to make their own health and happiness a priority, too.
• Being a good listener: Finally, remind yourself that your mom likely needs someone to talk to without judging or trying to “fix” everything. Be that person for her. Let her share her fears, guilt, and frustration with you. It is not only therapeutic, but may also help her find solutions as she talks through various struggles.

I hope these suggestions give your mom a chance to better balance her duties as a caregiver and her own health and well-being.

If you have any additional questions or would like to talk with a team member about respite care in Michigan, I encourage you to call the Heritage location nearest you to learn more!

Kind regards,

Donna