by Shelley | Jan 15, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
While my kids were home from college on holiday vacation, we visited my parents for the first time in over a year. I call and video chat with my parents several times a week, and they always tell me they are managing everything just fine. That’s why we were so shocked at what we found when we got to their house.
Both my mom and my dad have lost weight they didn’t need to lose. I checked their refrigerator and cupboards, and it’s obvious they are relying on frozen dinners and canned soups. Both parents are walking with canes they bought at the drugstore. My mom had bumps and bruises on her arms and legs, and my dad admitted that she’s had a few falls lately. That frightens me as I know how dangerous a fall can be for seniors.
The condition of their house was equally surprising. Their bedroom had a large pile of laundry waiting to be done. The floors badly needed to be vacuumed. The bathroom shower obviously hadn’t been cleaned in a while. My parents always kept their house and yard neat and tidy, so this was definitely not typical of them.
After a long discussion, they reluctantly told us keeping up the house has become a real struggle. They are both having a difficult time caring for their personal needs. My mom has been experiencing frequent falls and is afraid to get into the shower. While my dad is doing a little better physically than my mom, he seems to be having a tough time too. We all agreed it’s time for them to make a change. After some preliminary research online, it seems like assisted living might be a good solution.
My parents and I agreed that I would start calling assisted living communities near their house. We want to ask some initial questions to screen out places that don’t seem to be a good fit. I’ll fly back to town in a few weeks to take my parents to visit the assisted living communities that seem like good options. As I’m preparing my list of calls, I’m trying to figure out what to ask. I’m new to this process so I don’t really know how to get started.
Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Bonnie in Douglas, MI
Questions to Ask an Assisted Living Community
Dear Bonnie:
It sounds like you are on the right track! But the search for an assisted living community can be overwhelming, especially if you aren’t familiar with senior housing options. Call communities in the area of town your parents would like to live in to learn more about them.
I do have a few suggestions for questions you’ll want to ask:
- Availability: Since it sounds as if there is some urgency to transition your parents to a safer environment, it’s a good idea to ask about availability. Some of the best assisted living communities are full and have a waitlist. If there is a waitlist, inquire about how long it is expected to be before something opens up and what the process is to get on the list. You may be required to make a deposit and fill out an application.
- Affordability: If your parents are like most people, they’ll have a budget. Try to get an idea of how much they can afford to pay for assisted living each month before you start calling. Keep in mind, there might be options for financing care. For example, if one of them was a veteran, they might qualify for some financial assistance. Or if they purchased long-term care insurance, the policy may include assisted living coverage. Some assisted living expenses might even be tax-deductible.
- Other questions: Finally, on your initial screening call, think about factors that may impact whether your parents would consider a particular community. For example, if your mom and dad have a pet, will they be welcome? Another one might be transportation. Since it sounds like you live far from your parents, finding an assisted living community that has a transportation team or can make arrangements for getting to and from appointments might be important.
Once you’ve narrowed your list, the next step is to schedule in-person visits and assemble questions to ask. “Important Questions to Ask on an Assisted Living Tour” will be a good resource to review when you are ready to move forward in the process.
Good luck with your search! Please keep the Heritage Senior Communities in your area in mind as you make your calls.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 7, 2024 | Alzheimer's and Dementia
When most people hear the words Alzheimer’s disease, a mental picture of an older person comes to mind. While it is true that advanced age usually plays a role in a person’s risk of Alzheimer’s, there are exceptions. A person under the age of 65 who is diagnosed with the disease is typically considered to have early-onset dementia.
While the odds of developing the disease are low (only 5 to 6 percent of the 6 million cases of Alzheimer’s disease in this country are people under the age of 65) it’s still important to understand the risk. This is especially true if a parent or grandparent had early-onset Alzheimer’s.
What Is Early-Onset Alzheimer’s?
When the days are busy, it’s easy to misplace things or forget to run an errand from time to time. It’s one reason adults in their 40s or 50s might originally miss the most common early symptom of the disease in themselves or a loved one: forgetfulness.
Added to that is the fact that stress and some medical conditions can mimic Alzheimer’s disease. Age can also play a role in not receiving a timely diagnosis. Even if a middle-aged adult faithfully sees their primary care physician every year, the doctor might not look for signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s assuming their patient is too young.
If you are concerned that your forgetfulness or that of a loved one is more than just the demands of a busy life, here’s one quick way to understand the difference. When you or your family member temporarily forgets someone’s name or an important appointment, is it remembered later? If so, it’s probably nothing to worry about. If not, it should be discussed with the doctor. Memory loss that disrupts daily life may be a red flag for dementia or another health condition.
Signs of Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease
If you are concerned about the changes you see in yourself or a loved one, some of the warning signs of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease beyond memory loss can include:
- Having difficulty getting organized and ready for work or other daily plans
- Being unable or struggling to complete multi-step tasks, such as writing out checks or preparing a meal
- Declining judgment skills, especially related to financial management
- Experiencing a change in disposition or personality, such as becoming quick to anger or easily tearful
- Becoming lost in familiar places or on the way to and from known destinations
- Using words incorrectly or laboring to find the right word
- Asking the same questions repeatedly but not being aware of it
- Developing vision problems, especially a loss of depth perception
These are all red flags that should be shared with a physician for further follow up and testing. Keep in mind that the symptoms outlined above may be indicators of a treatable condition, such as an infection, thyroid disease, or even a vitamin deficiency.
A primary care physician will likely conduct a physical examination to determine if the problem is Alzheimer’s and to rule out conditions that can mimic most types of dementia. In some cases, these medical issues can be reversed with early intervention. That’s why it’s important to schedule a doctor’s appointment promptly.
A Reputation for Excellence in Dementia Care at Heritage
If the need for specialized dementia care in Michigan does arise, we encourage you to consider Heritage Senior Communities. Our person-centered approach to care helps adults with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia live their best quality of life. Call the Heritage community nearest you to learn more!
by Shelley | Dec 19, 2023 | Alzheimer's and Dementia
Dear Donna:
My husband and I have been providing emotional and physical support to his uncle for several years now. However, a recent change in health has made that very difficult to continue doing. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about 8 months ago.
Uncle Jim has been a widower for over 10 years. He’s very independent and fiercely proud. But the changes we started detecting about a year ago made us concerned about his safety. After convincing him it was time to see a doctor, we were sad to receive this diagnosis.
Though we live fairly close, he is alone all day long and many evenings. My husband, children, and I are in and out, but I think he needs more. I worry he will wander from home, become lost, and something awful will happen to him.
Our uncle is on a fairly tight budget, but since he’s a veteran he might be entitled to more assistance from the Veterans Benefits Administration. My friend told me there is a benefit that specifically helps finance senior care and different health care needs.
Could this benefit help pay for a move to a memory care community? While we are sad not to be able to care for him at home, we know that his safety and well-being will likely be better in a community known for caring for people with dementia.
Can you help connect us with information about this benefit for veterans?
Sincerely,
Jake and Jenny in Midland, MI
Understanding the Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefit for Senior Care
Dear Jake and Jenny:
I’m glad your friend talked with you about this benefit. It’s sometimes overlooked because veterans and their families aren’t aware it exists. It is known as the Aid and Attendance benefit and was created to offer financial support to veterans and their spouses or the surviving spouses of deceased veterans.
Veterans aged 65 or older who served at least 90 days of active military service, at least one day of which was during an acknowledged period of war, may be eligible for this support. This benefit also extends to surviving spouses of veterans.
Here’s a quick overview of what veterans and their loved ones should know:
- Demonstrate need: The veteran or surviving spouse must be able to demonstrate the need for assistance. The Veterans Benefits Administration conducts an evaluation to make this determination. Factors such as the senior’s ability to independently perform daily activities and any disabilities one or both spouses have are used in the assessment.
- Financial qualification: The Veterans Benefits Administration will look at the family’s yearly income and total net worth when deciding if they qualify for assistance and in determining how much they will receive. These guidelines are established by Congress and are adjusted each year.
- Current pension recipient: Applicants must already be receiving a VA pension or must be eligible to apply.
- Honorably discharged from service: A veteran must have parted from their military service in good standing. Those who received a dishonorable discharge are usually not eligible for these benefits.
- No service-related injury required: One myth is that the veteran must have sustained an injury during their time in military service to qualify for help. That’s not true. A qualifying health condition does not need to be related to their time in the service.
Finally, the Veterans Benefits Administration mandates that a veteran must have served least 90 days of active military service to receive this benefit. At least one day of that service must have taken place during an acknowledged period of war. This is the current list of wars and conflicts that meet the period of war requirement:
- World War I (April 6, 1917–November 11, 1918)
- World War II (December 7, 1941–December 31, 1946)
- Korean conflict (June 27, 1950–January 31, 1955)
- Vietnam era (November 1, 1955–May 7, 1975 for veterans who served in the Republic of Vietnam during that period; otherwise, August 5, 1964–May 7, 1975)
- Gulf War (August 2, 1990–a future date to be set by law or presidential proclamation)
I hope this information is helpful to you and your uncle. If you have questions, I encourage you to contact one of the Heritage Senior Communities. Our team members are well-versed in the Aid and Attendance benefit and may be able to help you find answers.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Dec 18, 2023 | Healthy Aging
Because many families have loved ones scattered around the country, face-to-face gatherings might only take place a few times a year. During phone calls throughout the year, an aging parent or family elder might say they are doing fine and don’t need anything. Then a trip home during the holidays suggests otherwise.
Sometimes, adult children and family members aren’t sure if the changes they see in their senior loved one are normal signs of aging or something else. They also wonder how to tell if an older adult is safe at home or if it’s time to consider making changes.
Having the family together in person might provide an opportunity to talk about a senior loved one’s hopes for the future and where they see themselves living as they grow older. You might be surprised to discover an independent senior wants help but hasn’t known how to go about finding it.
What to Look for during a Holiday Visit with a Senior?
If you will be traveling to an aging parent’s or grandparent’s home during the holiday season and it’s been a while since you’ve visited in person, you may notice some changes. It could be the condition of their house and yard or their personal appearance.
“Warning Signs an Aging Parent Needs Help” is a good article to review and learn from. It can help you identify if the changes you notice in a senior loved one are normal signs of aging or a red flag for something more serious. It can be tough to distinguish between the two sometimes.
If you decide a family member does need a little extra help, whether it’s home care or a transition to assisted living, it can be difficult to figure out what to do next. Just bringing up the subject can be awkward. In fact, adult children often avoid having this discussion entirely and just hope for the best. Then a crisis occurs and families are forced to rush what should be a more thoughtful process of finding care.
Even if you initially think of it as a backup plan, becoming familiar with senior care options is important. The holidays are a great time to visit an assisted living community.
Why Families Should Visit Senior Living during the Holidays?
While it may seem like a terrible time to visit an assisted living community, the opposite is usually true. Communities are often festively decorated and have a wide range of activities taking place. Here are just a few reasons to schedule a tour when you are home for the holidays.
- Faraway family members can participate.
When an older adult is beginning the search for an assisted living community, it’s important to visit in person at least once. It’s even better if you can tour the community several times. Having different sets of eyes evaluate any community you are seriously considering is helpful.
One of the most popular benefits of assisted living communities is the wide variety of social opportunities residents have. During the holidays, things are even more lively. Most communities are festively decorated and bustling with activity. High school choirs often perform, youth groups visit, and special family nights filled with goodies are planned.
- Meet current residents and their families.
Just as your family is reuniting during the holidays, so are those of assisted living residents. When you schedule a tour, ask if you will have an opportunity to talk with current residents and their family members. This can help you gain a personal understanding of a community’s strengths and weaknesses.
- Beat the post-holiday rush.
January is a busy time of year in assisted living communities. The phones are ringing with families who realized that their loved one needs help after a holiday visit. You can beat the post-holiday rush by exploring your options before the end of the year. Another bonus of visiting and planning a move now is that you will have first choice from open or soon-to-be-open apartments. If the community has a wait list, your senior loved one can be placed on it sooner.
Schedule a Holiday Visit to Heritage
With locations all across Michigan and one in Indiana, you’ll likely find a Heritage community near you. We invite you to call today to set up your private tour!
by Shelley | Dec 11, 2023 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
I’ll be in Michigan to visit my dad for a few weeks during the holidays. When I visited over the summer, we decided it was time for him to start preparing for a move. While we discussed downsizing to a condominium, we finally agreed that a senior living community might be better.
When I’m back next March, we plan to look for senior living communities that offer independent and assisted living. That way he can enjoy an independent living apartment while having peace of mind that help is available if and when he needs it.
Since my visit will be longer than usual over the holidays, my dad and I thought it might be a good idea to get started. We want to tackle some of the downsizing we’ll need to finish before he moves. He is still living in the large house that he and my mom raised all five of us children in. They weren’t always great about getting rid of things, and he’s been especially bad since she passed away two years ago. So, we have a big job ahead of us.
Do you have any suggestions for how I can get this process started? I don’t want to disrupt his house too much since he will likely be there until May or June. But I think I need to take advantage of the free time we’ll have when I’m in town.
Sincerely,
Lisa (and my dad, Steve) in Sutton’s Bay, MI
Downsizing a Senior’s Home & Preparing for a Move to Senior Living
Dear Lisa and Steve:
It sounds like you have a solid timeline for your anticipated move, so you are off to a good start! Downsizing is one of the biggest challenges families face, especially for older adults who’ve lived in their house for many years.
Here are a few tips that might give you a head start on moving without being too disruptive for the remainder of the winter and spring:
- Start in the rooms least often used: Since you mentioned five kids grew up in your parents’ house, I’m betting there is a lot of childhood memorabilia left behind. It might be good to begin your clean-up efforts in rooms storing these items. It’s usually a good idea to set up different boxes and label them by their ultimate destination. For example, “Charity,” “Family,” or “Other.” You’ll likely need some big trash bags, too. As you make your way through each room, toss items into these boxes or the trash. This is a good system to help you work your way through every room.
- Make decisions about furniture: Most independent living apartments are smaller than a senior’s current home. I’m sure that will be the case for your dad since he’s coming from a big house. It might be a good time to walk through the house and think about what furniture will move with him and what will need to find a new owner. If he has valuable antiques, it might be worthwhile to host an estate sale or to try to sell them online. You can also find out what charities nearby might arrange to pick up furniture and other large household items he will no longer need.
- Consider hiring a senior move manager: Because it sounds like you live far from your father, one more suggestion is to hire a senior move manager. These professionals help handle all of the details of a transition to a senior living community from assisting with the packing process to hiring the movers. They could keep the downsizing process moving during the winter when you won’t be there.
Finally, one more resource you might find helpful is “10 Tips for Downsizing and Moving a Senior Loved One.”
Kind regards,
Donna
Visit a Heritage Community in Michigan During the Holidays
The holidays are a great time to schedule a tour of a senior living community. The hustle and bustle of the season combined with the festive decorations make these communities feel especially inviting. We extend an open invitation to families to call a Heritage community and set up a time to stop by!
