by Shelley | May 4, 2023 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
My mom has lived alone in an older house since my dad passed away almost three years ago. Her home is in a rural area of Michigan without any close neighbors. My brother, sister, and I all live about 20 minutes away from her.
Over the last two years, my mom’s health has started to decline. While I’m more than happy to help, most of the caregiver duties seem to fall to me. My siblings just haven’t stepped up to provide any support to our mom. I am the oldest child, but I’m no less busy with my own family and job than they are.
I’m starting to be very resentful of my siblings. I don’t even want to be around them or call them. I realize I need to take steps to fix this, but I’m not sure how. What can I do to get them to pitch in and help with our mom’s care?
Sincerely,
Cindy in Saginaw, MI
Getting Siblings to Help Care for a Parent
Dear Cindy:
First, know that working together to manage a parent’s care can strain even the closest family relationships. In a study conducted by the AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, only 1 in 10 family caregivers say responsibilities are shared equally and without conflict among loved ones.
As you’ve discovered, one family member usually shoulders much of the burden, and it’s often the eldest daughter. What I usually suggest to primary caregivers is to identify, if possible, the reasons why siblings aren’t helping.
In many cases, loved ones don’t know how or where to start. Providing more structure and specific requests for help might be necessary. Other sources of friction we’ve witnessed are:
- Differing opinions: Adult children don’t always see eye-to-eye on how much or what type of care a parent needs. In your situation, for example, your mother sounds like she might be an ideal fit for an assisted living community. Since you are the primary caregiver, this might not be a big surprise to you. But your siblings who don’t see her or help as much might not agree.
- Emotional struggle: Watching your mom’s health decline is probably difficult for all of you. Some adult children may avoid visiting an aging parent because they can’t process what is happening. A sibling who is going through this may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional.
- Disputes about money: Another source of feuds that occur when a senior loved one needs care is money. Adult children may disagree on how to spend—or not spend—a parent’s money. Unfortunately, it isn’t uncommon for siblings to clash over spending money on professional senior care because of the impact on potential inheritance.
Some people feel unsure of where to start when it comes to caregiving. They often benefit from being given specific tasks or dates to provide assistance to an aging parent. If this is the case for your siblings, we have some suggestions for getting started.
Organizing Siblings to Help with Senior Care
Working with siblings to care for an aging parent takes a coordinated approach. Whether you are trying to find a new doctor for a senior loved one or deciding between two assisted living communities, it’s important to put aside your differences.
Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you all create a plan for your mom’s care:
- Assign specific tasks: Create a list of tasks and appointments for which your mom needs help. Split them up evenly and put it in writing. Try to get your siblings to set a date for when general tasks (e.g., cleaning the gutters or stocking the freezer) will be completed.
- Communicate regularly: Staying in close touch is essential for avoiding misunderstandings. It’s usually best to meet in person or by video chat instead of via text message.
- Let it go: Don’t let resentment and old sibling rivalries keep you from doing what is in your parent’s best interest. Instead of hanging on to old wounds and slights, let it go. The added stress isn’t good for you or your parent.
- Seek unbiased guidance: Unfortunately, some families reach an impasse and just can’t find ways to work together. This is where the guidance of an unbiased third party might help. It could be your mom’s rabbi or pastor. You might even want to turn to their physician or nurse practitioner for advice if the issue is deciding on care solutions. Finally, another option is to enlist the services of an aging life care professional.
I hope this information is useful to you, Cindy! Best of luck to you and your family.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 17, 2023 | Caregiving
Sticking to a medication schedule or keeping a loved one on track can be tough, especially when you are the caregiver for a senior who doesn’t live with you. Because older adults often take multiple medicines each day, it’s easy to see how mistakes happen. Researchers say 41% of seniors take 5 or more medications every day! Between dosages, times, and refills, it’s a lot to organize.
Some of the most common issues seniors encounter when it comes to managing their medication schedule include:
- Difficulty ordering medication refills
- Trouble getting to and from the pharmacy
- Problems reading small print on medication labels
- Struggles with tough-to-open bottles
- Remembering which medication to take and when
These difficulties can add up to big trouble for older adults. In fact, medication errors are one of the leading reasons so many of our seniors end up in a hospital emergency room. According to the National Academy of Medicine, mistakes with medication send 770,000 adults a year to the hospital. Some forget to take a dose on time, while others might accidentally take too much.
If you or a senior in your life is struggling with medication management, here are a few tips and tools you may find useful.
Ways to Organize a Senior Loved One’s Medications
- Pharmacy blister packs: Talk with your local pharmacist or the mail order pharmacy your insurance uses to see if they can set up punch cards or blister packs. These simple packaging solutions separate medications by day and time of dosage. When it’s time to take a medication, the user only has to push the pill through a foil or paper covering on the back of the pack. No more struggling to get the lid off pill bottles!
- Reminder calls or alerts: If you or an older family member often forgets to take medications, set up a recurring smart phone alert as a reminder. You can call or text them when you get the alert. There are also services, like Medication Call Reminder and Sage Minder, that offer automated phone calls at dosage times.
- Medication apps: Smart phone users can also explore medication apps that provide a reminder. Dosecast and Medisafe Medication Management are two apps that can remind an individual when it’s time to take their pills.
- Electronic pill dispensers: Another solution to explore is electronic pill dispensers. These comprehensive products utilize wireless technology to sound an alert and open when it’s time to take a medication. They can open just the compartment containing the necessary pill. For safety, the system can text or call a contact person if a senior misses a dose.
Finally, remember to dispose of medications that are no longer needed. People tend to hang on to medications in case they might need them again in the future. It’s usually best to get rid of anything not currently prescribed for the senior to prevent a dangerous mix-up or the medicine falling into the wrong hands. This article will help you figure out the best way to dispose of old medications.
Medication Management at Heritage Senior Communities
At Heritage Senior Communities, medication management is one of our most utilized services. Our professional caregivers handle all of the details, including dispensing medicines at the appropriate time. Call the Heritage location nearest you to learn more!
by Shelley | Mar 23, 2023 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My 91-year-old great-aunt lives nearby. She has outlived her husband and her daughter. While she seems very spry for her age, I do worry about her living alone. My wife and I convinced her to give up driving several years ago after she experienced a few fender benders. We have been her primary sources of transportation since then.
Recently, I’ve noticed some changes that leave me wondering if it might be time for her to move to an assisted living community. I think she might be receptive to the idea, but I’m not sure how to tell if this is the right choice. Do you have any suggestions?
Steven in Saginaw, MI
Common Signs a Senior Needs Assisted Living
Dear Steven:
When a family member first notices physical or behavioral changes in a senior loved one, it’s natural to wonder if it’s normal aging or a red flag for something more serious. One factor to keep in mind is your aunt’s generation is known for being independent and reluctant to admit when help is needed. Asking for help or admitting she might need to make a change may not be easy for her.
So, how can you objectively assess if she needs to transition to an assisted living community? While many signs may be subtle, here are some common red flags that indicate a senior loved one needs help:
- Lack of housekeeping: Is her once-tidy house beginning to look a little rough? Are dirty dishes piled up in the sink? Is the kitchen trash overflowing? Is spoiled food in the refrigerator? Does the home just look messy in general? Odors are another clue a senior is struggling.
- Change in personal appearance: A change in an older adult’s personal appearance can be another warning sign. Clues to look for include disheveled hair, body odor, and clothing that isn’t clean or is inappropriate for the season.
- Lack of interest: Other worrisome behavioral changes include withdrawing from favorite activities, skipping church services, or losing interest in friends and family. It might be a sign of depression. Isolated seniors are at increased risk for it.
- Evidence of falls: While research shows falls are the leading cause of disability in older adults, many believe the numbers are much higher. That’s because older adults don’t always inform loved ones when they suffer a fall. Look for scratches or bruises, especially on your aunt’s arms and legs. Another sign might be if she sticks close to her favorite chair and isn’t up and about as much as usual.
- Unintended change in weight: A noticeable and unintentional change in weight can signal potential problems. She might be having difficulty preparing healthy meals. Or it could be a host of other problems, such poor appetite from a medication she takes, ill-fitting dentures, or depression. Weight change is an important issue that should be discussed, possibly even with her physician.
- Mismanaging finances: Keeping household finances on track can be tough at any age. If your aunt is paying some bills twice while neglecting others entirely or seems to be spending more money than usual, there may be something wrong. She may have fallen victim to a financial scam or identity theft.
While these are some of the most common signs a senior might need assisted living, it’s important not to overlook the many benefits communities offer. They range from making new friends to having dedicated caregivers to provide support around the clock.
If you have questions about assisted living or would like to set up a personal tour, we invite you to call the Heritage location nearest you.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Mar 15, 2023 | Caregiving
Caregiving for a senior loved one can come with many rewards. It may give family members who’ve drifted apart the opportunity to reconnect and reminisce. There’s also the warm feeling that comes from lending support to someone who cared for and nurtured you. But there are also difficult realities caregivers encounter.
Depression associated with witnessing the decline of a loved one’s health can be serious. So can isolation family caregivers often experience, especially those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia.
The following tips might help you find holistic ways to beat the caregiver blues.
Steps Caregivers Can Take to Protect Mental Health
- Eat a healthy diet: It’s tempting to load up on comfort foods and sugary treats when you are feeling down and lonely. While that often provides a short pop of energy, it makes the situation worse over time. Researchers have found a strong link between diet and depression. People who eat healthy foods are less likely to suffer from depression than those who consume a diet high in processed foods and sugar. By contrast, a Mediterranean-style diet rich in fruits, vegetables, nuts, and lean protein helps people enjoy a better overall wellness.
- Get regular exercise: Don’t mistake the hustle and bustle of hectic caregiver days for exercise. Unfortunately, the tasks associated with the business of caring for a loved one don’t usually equate to physical fitness activities. By engaging in 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week, you’ll likely see your mental health improve. Researchers say that’s because working out releases endorphins that improve mood as well as the quality and duration of sleep.
- Make sleep a priority: Sleep problems are all too common among family caregivers. Some family caregivers have trouble falling asleep while others can’t stay Stress, worry, and fatigue are often the underlying causes. Regardless of why, sleep deprivation can worsen depression. If you just can’t get a good night’s rest no matter what you try, talk with your primary care physician. They may need to order a sleep study or check for other health conditions that may be the culprit.
- Visit with loved ones remotely: Socializing is essential to feeling connected and supported. Yet, caregivers often feel guilty making fun a priority when there are so many tasks they think they should be doing. Spending even a few hours a week with friends and family can restore the spirit and make you feel less alone. If you can’t visit in person, use a video chat platform to connect virtually. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, most people have become familiar with video chat programs like Skype and Zoom.
- Take time off: To be a good caregiver, it’s essential that spouses and adult children take time for themselves on a regular basis. Book a massage, have lunch with a friend, work on an art project, or watch a comedy to unwind. If you don’t have someone close to you who can help, explore respite care at a local assisted living community or adult day programs. Both of these short-term solutions will keep your senior loved one safe while you take time to yourself.
Plan for the Future by Visiting a Heritage Community
One final suggestion for caregivers is to create a care plan for the future. While no one likes to think the worst will happen, there might come a time when a senior loved one will need more or different care than families can provide. That’s why it’s a good idea to explore local senior care options.
For four generations, family-owned Heritage Senior Communities has long been recognized as an industry leader. Call the community nearest you to set up a personal visit to learn more today!
by Shelley | Mar 13, 2023 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband and I have been helping my mom finance home care for a few years now. Over the holidays, we decided that moving to an assisted living community might give her a better quality of life. Because we live almost two hours away from her, we can’t visit her as often as we’d like. Other than her home care aides, she’s alone in her apartment quite a bit.
We are working on a budget for this move. Because her income is fairly limited, my husband and I will likely pay for most of her monthly fees. We are happy to do that but wonder if assisted living expenses might be tax deductible.
Kind regards,
Christine in Holland, MI
Assisted Living Expenses and Tax Deductions
Dear Christine:
It’s common for adult children to help pay for care if a parent’s income and assets fall a little short. Like you, families often wonder if assisted living costs are tax deductible. Unfortunately, the answer is somewhat complicated.
Some families aren’t aware that they may be entitled to a tax deduction. Others know about it but find the process too confusing to navigate. Much of the uncertainty stems from the challenge of determining what portion of a senior’s monthly fees are considered medical care. Another difficulty is figuring out if a senior meets the criteria to be a dependent.
There isn’t a quick answer to either of those issues. Some senior living providers offer a breakdown on which monthly expenses are considered medical and which are custodial. This can help address the first issue. The second is more complex.
Because we aren’t in the business of offering tax advice, we generally suggest enlisting the services of a tax advisor with knowledge of the senior care industry. Before your meeting, it may be helpful to review several areas of the tax code that pertain to senior care and tax deductions:
- IRS Tax Publication 502: This publication outlines medical and dental expense regulations. It will give you a better understanding of what the IRS considers to be medical care and what financial threshold you must meet. This section of the IRS code also defines what a “qualifying relative” is. That’s important to help determine if your relationship to your family member meets the criteria.
- IRS Tax Publication 503: Like publication 502, IRS publication 503 further explains what dependent care expenses are. It also outlines which expenses you can deduct for a loved one’s medical care.
Finally, I want to mention a few additional programs that might help pay for your mother’s move to an assisted living community:
- Aid and Attendance Benefit for veterans
- Long-term care insurance, which often helps pay for more than just nursing homes
- Bridge loans to cover expenses while families liquidate other assets
- Life settlement funding that pays you more than the face value of a life insurance policy
If you visit and tour a Heritage community in Michigan for your mother, one of our experienced team members can walk you through the programs listed above.
I hope this information is helpful! And I hope you and your mom will put Heritage on your list of assisted living communities to consider.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Feb 20, 2023 | Caregiving
Does your aging parent or a senior in your family have a case of the “winter blues” they just can’t seem to shake? More than 6.5 million Americans over the age of 55 are impacted by seasonal depression. Shorter days, less sunlight, and more time spent indoors can increase feelings of sadness in the wintertime.
This change in mood could be a condition known as seasonal affective disorder, also referred to as SAD. It primarily occurs during colder months.
Recognizing the Signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder in Seniors
If your loved one’s depressed mood has lasted for two weeks or more, it is probably time to seek professional help. Mayo Clinic warns caregivers to look for the following symptoms of seasonal affective disorder:
- Unintentional weight gain or weight loss
- Anger, irritability, or agitation
- Fatigue or low energy
- Difficulty socializing
- Self-isolation
- Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs
- Trouble falling asleep, insomnia, or oversleeping
- Hopelessness
- Appetite changes, especially a craving for carbohydrates
If the symptoms outlined above could describe your senior loved one, you probably need to take action. Here are a few ideas that may be useful.
How Family Members Can Help a Seniors with SAD
- Get outside: A lack of sunlight, common in most parts of the world in winter, disrupts the sleep-wake cycle and brain chemicals. One way to help an older loved one feel better is to get outdoors each day. Accompany your loved one on a stroll around their neighborhood. Soaking up natural light helps to reset vitamin D levels and boost mood.
- Open the blinds: Brighten up the spaces where your loved one spends most of his or her time. Open blinds and curtains to allow sunlight into rooms. Turn on all of the lights. It might also help to add plants and greenery to the home to simulate a more natural environment.
- Consider light therapy: Using a light therapy lamp for 30 to 45 minutes a day can bring relief to seniors struggling with seasonal depression, says Harvard Medical School. These devices give off nondamaging UV rays that mimic natural sunlight and help regulate brain chemicals.
- Promote an active lifestyle: Staying physically active may help your loved one manage his or her SAD symptoms. Chair stretches and low-impact exercises like swimming at a local fitness club not only help seniors feel vital, but can also alleviate symptoms of depression.
- Eat a healthy diet: Since some experts believe SAD may be a result of vitamin deficiencies, consuming a well-rounded diet rich in nutrients may also lessen symptoms. Encourage the senior to prioritize fruits, vegetables, and lean protein in their diet.
- Encourage mindfulness: Try to urge your senior family member to engage in activities like meditation, Tai Chi, and yoga, which are offered at many senior living communities. Because they nurture the body, mind, and spirit, they often help combat depression.
If you suspect your loved one is struggling with seasonal affective disorder, encourage them to schedule an appointment to talk to their doctor. They are the most qualified to evaluate the situation and determine a course of treatment.
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