by trevor@addfuelfire.com | May 18, 2017 | Caregiving
It used to be great. They listened when something was wrong, and respected the opinions your senior loved one shared with them. They used to take time to talk about your concerns, and sometimes even share a laugh. But something’s changed. Lately, they seem hurried, no longer interested in the details. Or worse, they just aren’t available when your loved one needs them.
You know the signs. You’ve seen them before in other failing relationships, and now you’re noticing it all over again. But this time it’s in the life of a senior loved one, and in the place where you least expected it to happen – the doctor’s office.
Not Every Physician Relationship was Made to Last a Lifetime
What has always been a great doctor-patient relationship can change for the worse over time. Interactions might become rushed, perfunctory and impersonal. You are starting to wonder if it may be time to move on.
Talk to any relationship therapist and they’ll tell you there are classic signs to watch for. Signs that it’s time to call it quits. A relationship with a doctor is no different, though the red flags aren’t exactly the same.
So what signs might indicate it’s time for a new physician?
- Long wait times
- Bad communication
- Poor listening skills
- Disregard for the patient’s concerns or opinions
- Limited or delayed access to care
Ending Certain Physician Relationships May be Lifesaving
People often fall into the trap of thinking that because they need their doctor, they aren’t free to leave. This simply isn’t true.
A doctor-patient relationship is a two way street. There needs to be mutual respect and a willingness to listen. When these needs aren’t met, it’s okay to end the relationship.
In an article written by Eugene Spiritus for Forbes.com, Spiritus explains that there’s no such thing as the “best doctor.” But there is such a thing as the wrong doctor for you. Spiritus, a pulmonary critical care specialist, says that while competence is important, it’s even more important that a doctor be a good listener.
It sounds a bit melodramatic, we know, but it’s true. In the same way that a relationship with an abusive partner can have tragic results, so can a bad relationship with your doctor. According to AARP, multiple sclerosis, lupus and Lyme disease are only a few of the medical conditions that are regularly misdiagnosed by doctors.
Clearly, a doctor who listens to their patient’s concerns can make all the difference. So if a senior loved one in your life is feeling ignored or dismissed by their doctor, it might be time to discuss moving on.
Here are a few factors to consider.
Mutual respect and collaboration are key.
A paper published by the American Journal of Managed Care shows that communication and decision-making are what secure the relationship between a doctor and their patient. In other words, how included a patient feels in decisions about their health, and how the doctor communicates with them are foundational to their relationship.
Making the right choice for your loved ones.
Helping an aging loved one to make the critical decision to part ways with their doctor and move on can be hard. Ending any lasting relationship is difficult. But when you think about what’s best for their overall health and wellbeing, a disinterested and unavailable doctor shouldn’t be anywhere in that picture.
An Environment to Support Older Adults
The support of an interested physician is one important aspect of thriving in retirement years. Another one is where a senior lives. And where you live matters greatly as you grow older.
From independent living to assisted living and memory care, Heritage Senior Communities, we have a housing solution for seniors across the state of Michigan. Call the community nearest you to schedule a private tour today!
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | May 1, 2017 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My grandmother recently moved to one of your assisted living communities in Michigan. I am heading home from college soon and can’t wait to see her and her new apartment on Mother’s Day!
I would like to bring my grandma a housewarming/Mother’s Day present, but I’m struggling to come up with the right gift idea. Do you have any suggestions? My mom told me space is limited, so I need to come up with something meaningful but small!
Kind Regards,
Heather
Mother’s Day Gift Guide for Grandmothers
Dear Heather:
First off, I’m happy to learn your grandmother now calls one of our communities home! She’s no doubt anxious to show you around her new place.
As far as your struggle to come up with an idea for a Mother’s Day gift idea for your grandma, you aren’t alone. It is one of the most common questions we hear from family members this time of year. And it’s why we created this gift guide. We hope it will help you and other family members who have a loved one who lives in an assisted living community.
Sentimental Mother’s Day Gifts
Most grandmothers cherish anything that highlights their family. The best Mother’s Day gift for your grandma might be one that honors that sentiment. A few ideas include:
- Scrapbook that contains photos of loved ones and memorabilia from important family milestones
- Personalized calendar that has all of your family’s important birthdays and anniversaries printed on it
- Book of coupons she can trade for time with you, such as lunch out in a local restaurant or computer lessons
Splurge Gifts for a Cherished Grandmother
If your grandmother is like many older adults, she rarely splurges on gifts for herself. So think about what she might enjoy, including activities you can do together while you are home for the summer. Some suggestions could be:
- A facial, makeover, manicure, or pedicure for the two of you to indulge in together
- Gift certificate for the in-house beauty/barber shop at her assisted living community
- Basket of pampering items for you and your grandmother to enjoy a home spa afternoon together
- Gift card to a clothing store you know your grandmother likes along with a promise to be the one to take her shopping there
Gifts to Encourage Wellness
Other gifts to consider for your grandmother might be those that encourage her to stay active. A few senior-friendly ideas could be:
- A pedometer or fitness tracker
- Walking shoes or sneakers with good support
- Active wear such as a comfortable jogging suit
- A book and/or DVD on meditation
Gifts to Support Life-long Learning
Staying mentally fit as we grow older means staying connected to friends, loved ones and the community. Here are a few gifts that make it easier for your grandmother to do just that:
- A tablet she can use to connect on social media and email
- Gift card to her favorite local craft store and a pledge to be her driver to and from the store
- Help pay for a class she’s always wanted to pursue such as guitar lessons or a French class – there are many online opportunities to continue learning
Finally, never underestimate how important the gift of your time is to your grandmother. Set up a movie night to enjoy together or an afternoon to join her for lunch and an activity at her assisted living community. She will love being able to show off her college granddaughter!
I hope these ideas help you enjoy Mother’s Day with your grandmother, Heather!
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Apr 24, 2017 | Caregiving
If you’re getting ready to help a loved one sell the family home in Michigan, don’t dive in unprepared. There’s a minefield of emotional, financial, and legal issues you’ll need to know about before you take that first step. Finding a realtor you can trust is a good place to begin. Finding a senior-friendly realtor may be even better.
What is a ‘Senior-Friendly Realtor’?
You may want to consider hiring a senior-friendly realtor. These are professionals who’ve made it a point to acquire extra training and expertise in working with older adults and their families who are selling the family home.
According to the AARP, a Senior Real Estate Specialist is “…an education-based designation for realtors who can address the needs of home buyers 50 and older”.
The best way to choose a good senior-friendly realtor is to understand what they bring to the table. Here’s what to look for when you’re selling an older adult’s home in Michigan.
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Choose a Realtor Who’s Sensitive to Issues Older Adults Face
First, try your best to put yourself in your senior loved one’s shoes. Selling the home you’ve lived in for decades – 50+ years in some cases – is both emotionally difficult and tremendously frightening.
There’s a pretty good chance your loved one will appreciate good service from someone who understands the special concerns that people in their situation face.
Ask anyone of any age who’s sold a home and they’ll tell you: the process itself can be quite grueling. Showings can be particularly stressful for the homeowner, what with having to keep the home looking presentable at all times. It must be spotless and neutral as well as clutter-free. Sometimes the furniture has to be arranged differently to make a more presentable showing.
And here in Michigan, you’ll need to keep up with snow maintenance if you put your home on the market in winter time. That can mean something more to worry about.
A senior-friendly realtor will understand that these conditions are especially stressful and difficult if the homeowner is an older adult. They will customize their marketing and techniques to fit your loved one’s needs.
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Look for a Realtor who Understands the Senior Living Market
Many times families start preparing a senior’s house to sell before they have a definite idea on where the older adult will be moving to. Having a realtor who knows the local senior living market can be a real advantage. They may have a network of past clients who can offer objective insight on which communities offer the best care and value to older adults.
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Select Someone Who Can Also Help the Caregiver
A good senior-friendly realtor can make this process easier for the older adult and their family. If he or she knows what they’re doing, they’ll immediately understand that this is no ordinary transaction. Everyone involved might have deep-rooted feelings about what’s taking place.
According to data published by the State of Michigan, most seniors prefer to stay in their own homes. That means the decision to sell the home can be fraught with emotion.
And with more family members involved, emotions can run high and conflicts over decisions can develop overnight. A senior-friendly realtor knows how to navigate their way through family conflicts. They can help steer the conversation back to the task at hand: selling the property in a way that satisfies your senior loved one.
Sometimes there are highly complex inter-generational dynamics at play when older adults are selling their long-term home. However, whether you’re a close relative or not, you’re involved in a major life event for the senior you’re caring for. A knowledgeable, senior-friendly realtor is sensitive to all these issues, too.
In the end, your realtor is there to ease the process of selling a senior’s home. It’s a thorny issue for everyone, but a truly ‘senior-friendly’ realtor will ease the stress and guide you and your loved one through the entire process.
Want to know more about issues like this? Subscribe to our blog and stay informed!
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Mar 16, 2017 | Caregiving
Are you someone who is struggling to care for an aging parent while also caring for children of your own? You aren’t alone. Studies conducted by the Pew Research Center show that one in every eight Americans finds themselves in this situation. The phrase “sandwich generation” was coined to describe this group of family caregivers.
On top of juggling two very demanding roles, many family caregivers work at least part-time outside their home.
So what can you do to survive these difficult years?
We have a few tips we think will help.
4 Survival Tips for Sandwich Generation Caregivers in Michigan
- Accept Help: Adult children commonly believe that it is their duty and theirs alone to care for a parent who needs a helping hand. While it is a noble goal, it isn’t often a very realistic one. When friends and family members offer to help you, let them. It might be by running a few errands or sitting with your senior family member for a while so you can take a break. In addition to helping you out, it will allow loved ones to feel as if they are supporting you in a meaningful way. If you don’t have anyone close to you who can help, call the local Area Agency on Aging. They may know of volunteers who visit homebound seniors or be aware of assisted living communities that offer short-term respite
- Have Realistic Expectations: This is a difficult one for caregivers. But it is important to accept that you cannot be everything to everyone. You might need to make Easter dinner at your house a potluck instead of providing all of the food. Or buy treats from a local bakery for a child’s birthday instead of making them yourself. Accept that a few short-term changes during the sandwich generation caregiver years are necessary.
- Develop a System: Between the two generations, you probably feel like you are drowning in paperwork and deadlines. One of the best ways to feel as if you are in control of everything is to take time out to get organized. It might be by setting up a “Command Center” where everyone’s schedules are written on one large calendar. Or you might feel more efficient setting up a simple calendar online using something like Google Drive. Knowing you are organized and not missing appointments or losing important information can help reduce some of the stress caused by being a sandwich generation caregiver.
- Take Care of You: All too often sandwich caregivers put their own health on the backburner. They fail to schedule an annual physical and skip routine health screenings. Maintaining a healthy diet and exercise also rank low on the priority list. Over time it puts caregivers like you at higher risk for health problems like high blood pressure and diabetes. That’s why it’s essential to take care of you, too. Remind yourself that if you experience a health crisis of your own, you won’t be able to care for everyone who counts on you.
If you have questions about respite care for a Michigan senior you love, please call the Heritage Senior Community nearest you. We’ll be happy to help!
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 28, 2017 | Caregiving, Uncategorized
Many seniors choose to downsize their homes during their retirement years. Downsizing might mean moving into an independent senior living community in Michigan or relocating from a larger house to a smaller one. Either way, downsizing one’s home and belongings can be a challenging process.
Here are some tips that can help your senior loved one as they downsize and prepare for a move.
10 Tips to Help a Michigan Senior Downsize
1. Get rid of clutter
World-renowned organization expert and author Marie Kondo says if your belongings don’t “spark joy,” then it’s time to say goodbye to them. Encourage your loved one to start making lists of what belongings they will keep and what will need to find a new home.
2. Sell or donate unwanted items
It’s tempting to throw away things that your loved one no longer wants or needs, but there’s probably someone else who can use them. The Internet makes it easy to sell things online, and anything that doesn’t sell can likely be donated. Many charities will even arrange to pick up the unwanted items, making the process of downsizing a bit easier.
3. Start packing sooner rather than later
Unfortunately, houses can’t pack up themselves. Unless the move is being completed in the midst of an emergency, try to take time to carefully go through belongings. This will help you decide what goes and what stays—without breaking or misplacing anything of importance to your senior loved one.
4. Secure prized possessions
There are certain things your family member won’t be willing to give up, whether because of sentimental reasons or monetary value. Consider moving anything that fits either of those categories to a secure location so that it is not lost or accidentally discarded during the move.
5. Think about life in the new place
Remember, when downsizing from a house to a condo or apartment, certain chores like shoveling snow in the winter and yard work in the spring will be eliminated. Encourage your loved one to have a yard sale to clear out that garage or storage shed. Then watch how quickly someone will snap up an unwanted lawn mower or snow blower at a good price!
6. Stay organized
Downsizing and preparing for a move can be a long process. Your loved one might have to put some items in storage for a while. Be sure to label boxes clearly and create a master list of what is in each box. When moving day comes, it will make it much easier to find everything.
7. Consider the layout of the new home
As your loved one downsizes his or her belongings, remind them to keep the new home’s layout in mind. Will it hold all of his or her current furniture? What is the storage space like? Creating a floor plan of the new home will help in deciding which things will fit and which ones won’t.
8. Try not to buy anything new – for now
This, of course, doesn’t apply to food and basic living necessities, but it does refer to things like furniture, appliances, and home décor. Encourage your loved one to save any shopping sprees until he or she is settled into the new place so as not to add to the packing duties.
9. Take a trip down memory lane
Packing for a move often means going through old photos and belongings that may evoke powerful memories. Allow your loved one some time to reflect on the past, particularly if the memories are happy ones.
10. Focus on what matters most
As a retiree, your loved one now has more time to focus on hobbies and other interests. Keep this in mind as you help them downsize. What might seem like a box of dusty old books to you may be a source of great joy to your loved one. Remember to keep their interests in mind—not yours—when packing for the big move.
Your senior loved one might be leaving behind some wonderful memories in their old home. It may be necessary to remind your family member that new adventures await them!
Photo Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 24, 2017 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna,
My mother is 82 years old and living at home. We have recently begun discussing assisted living and other senior living community options in case she needs them in the future. Mom is currently in good health, and she has stated that she would very much prefer to stay in the same house she has lived in for the past 50 years.
I want to make sure she is both happy and comfortable when it comes to her future living arrangements. I’ve heard of the phrase “aging in place.” Can you explain what that means, and whether it might be an option for my mother?
Sincerely,
Debra in Dearborn
Is Aging in Place a Viable Option
Dear Debra,
I’m glad that you and your mother are being proactive about her future needs. It’s always a good idea to start early when exploring senior living options in Michigan—even if though your mom’s goal is to remain living in her own home.
The Centers for Disease Control define the term “aging in place” as “the ability to live in one’s own home and community safely, independently, and comfortably, regardless of age, income, or ability level.”
Many seniors would prefer to stay in their own homes during their retirement years, as the familiar environment provides a great deal of comfort to them. This could very well be a viable option for your mother, provided you give some thought to a few important issues.
Is her house senior friendly?
You mentioned that your mom is in good health, which can make it much easier for her to stay in her current location. However, it’s important to consider that there might come a day when she is not as healthy or as mobile as she is now. If she lives in large, multi-story home, it will make moving around much harder than if she were in a single-level home or perhaps an apartment or condo. This is why many seniors opt to downsize their homes during their retirement years, choosing smaller layouts that allow for better accessibility.
If your mother doesn’t like the idea of giving up her home, then take a realistic look at her current residence. It might be possible to make some home renovations that will make living in the same space both easier and safer for your mother, such as installing a shower instead of a tub in the bathroom for more accessible bathing.
Do family members live nearby?
Aging in place becomes a much more viable option when your loved one has a support network nearby. If you or other family members live in the area, then it might be possible for you to take turns checking in on your mom on a regular basis.
If family doesn’t live nearby, you may be able to enlist the support of an in-home care aide to visit your mother for regular wellness checks. It might also be a good idea to hire a housekeeping service to help with keeping your mother’s home clean and organized.
Additionally, a local church or nonprofit organization might have volunteers willing to help out with things like shoveling snow or running errands.
What type of budget does your mother have?
Keep in mind that the expenses associated with providing all of these services can add up to be more than it would cost for your mother to move to a senior living community. So it’s important that you have an open and honest discussion about finances when you are creating a plan for the future.
Aging in place can be a good option for seniors, provided there is enough support in place to make staying at home a convenience rather than a burden. I hope this information is helpful, Debra! Good luck to you and your mom.
Sincerely,
Donna
