Dear Donna:
My parents will be moving to an assisted living community at one of your Heritage locations in Michigan this summer. For the past five years, my husband and I have been their primary caregivers. Even our children played a role in helping their grandparents remain at home.
We’re currently downsizing their house and getting it ready to sell. I know moving day will be here before we are emotionally ready for it. Since we’ve all been so heavily involved in their daily care, I’m struggling to determine what our new role would be.
Your team will be taking over personal care, meals, laundry, and other tasks we’ve been handling. So, what can we do to stay involved? I don’t want my parents to feel as if we’ve abandoned them. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Kind regards,
Susan in Midland, MI
Understanding Your Role After Parents Move to Assisted Living
Dear Susan:
What a great question! I’m sure you are wondering how this new chapter in your lives will unfold, especially given how involved you’ve all been for such a long period of time.
When parents move into an assisted living community, many adult children experience a significant shift in their relationship with them. While the move often relieves the burden of managing daily care needs, it also creates an opportunity for adult children to embrace a new and meaningful role in their parents’ lives.
Once parents settle into an assisted living community, most daily caregiving tasks are handled by trained staff. Residents have access to support with personal care, housekeeping, dining services, social activities, and health monitoring. As a result, adult children are often freed from the demands of hands-on caregiving and can focus on a different role—one centered on emotional support, advocacy, and companionship.
One of the most important responsibilities adult children and grandchildren continue to have is serving as advocates for their loved ones. This involves maintaining open communication with community staff, staying informed about care plans, and helping ensure that their parents’ preferences and needs are respected. Regular visits and conversations can help adult children remain engaged and aware of any changes in their parents’ health or well-being.
As you mentioned, emotional support is also an important part of your new role. Moving to assisted living can be a major life transition, bringing feelings of uncertainty, grief, or anxiety. Researchers refer to this as relocation stress syndrome and it is more common among older people.
Adult children can help their parents adjust by offering encouragement, listening to concerns, and celebrating the positive aspects of community living. Their presence can provide reassurance and strengthen feelings of security during the adjustment period.
Perhaps the greatest benefit of this transition is the opportunity to restore the parent-child relationship. Without the constant demands of caregiving, visits can become more enjoyable and meaningful. Families can spend time sharing meals, attending community events, looking through family photos, or simply enjoying conversation. Instead of focusing on tasks and responsibilities, they can focus on creating memories and maintaining connections.
Adult children can also play an important role in helping parents stay engaged with family traditions and social connections. Inviting parents to family gatherings, sharing updates about grandchildren, and including them in important milestones reinforces their sense of belonging and purpose.
Ultimately, the move to an assisted living community does not diminish the importance of the adult child’s role—it transforms it. By shifting from primary caregiver to advocate, supporter, and companion, adult children can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with their parents while ensuring they continue to receive the care and attention they deserve.
Best of luck with downsizing tasks and selling your parents’ home. We look forward to welcoming all of you this summer!
Kind regards,
Donna