How to Identify and Address a Parent’s Fears about Senior Living

by Shelley | Mar 14, 2022 | Caregiving, Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

My 92-year-old mom has been living alone in the home she’s been in for decades. Until recently, she’s been fine doing so with the help of an in-home caregiver. Lately, however, it seems like her quality of life is declining.

Because I live four hours away, I can’t visit every week, especially during winter. While her caregiver does a great job tending to her physical needs, my mom is isolated and lonely. During my holiday visit, I tried to talk to Mom about moving to a senior living community. It seems like that would give her an opportunity to participate in activities and make new friends.

Before I could begin the discussion, my mom got upset. Though I believe she doesn’t feel safe on her own, she seems afraid of moving to senior living. I dropped the subject and am looking for advice on how to identify what might be holding her back. Can you help?

Kind regards,

Wendy in Holland, MI

Why a Senior Might Resist Moving

Dear Wendy:

What a good observation. Sometimes adult children become frustrated with a parent who won’t consider moving because they don’t understand how tough the decision can be. And an aging parent might not be willing or able to identify just what is making them so resistant. By understanding some of the common fears older adults have about moving, you might be better able to help your mother make an informed decision.

Here are a few reasons seniors cite for not wanting to move to a senior living community:

• Giving up the family home: This generation of older adults often live in their homes for decades, just like your mother. She likely has many happy memories attached to her house. Selling it and moving anywhere may seem like she is leaving a piece of the family behind.
• Fear of change: Many people fear making a change at any stage in life. But for older adults, change often seems even more difficult. As you talk with your mom about moving, try to keep this in mind and move slowly.
• Believing the myths: There are a variety of myths and misperceptions about senior living communities. Many are based on the old, institutional style nursing homes that were so common when this generation of older adults was young. They don’t understand how vibrant today’s senior communities are.
• Perceived losses: Your mom may resist moving because she fears losing aspects of her home life. Loss of freedom, privacy, and independence rank high on the list of concerns for many seniors.
• Running out of money: Many people believe senior living communities are expensive and only for the rich. An older adult might worry that they will run out of money if they move. In reality, senior living communities can be an affordable solution as many of the older adult’s current home expenses are included in the base fee.

I hope this helps as you try to come up with a solution that will improve your mom’s quality of life. Please let us know if you have any additional questions.

Kind regards,

Donna

Consider Heritage Senior Communities

With communities throughout Michigan and one in Indiana, you’ll find a variety of options from which to choose. Whether it’s the resort area of Traverse City or a community in southeast Michigan’s popular Saline, we extend an open invitation to you to tour a Heritage community today!

How Can I Better Organize My Dad’s Medical Information?

by Shelley | Feb 14, 2022 | Caregiving, Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

My dad was diagnosed with a chronic health condition last spring. It’s a fairly complex illness with multiple physicians involved in his care. Because his condition came on suddenly, I never had an opportunity to come up with a system for organizing his medical calendar and onslaught of paperwork.

While I’m more of a technology person, my dad isn’t. He wants a system he can use instead of an online platform or app. Maybe it’s because our stacks of paper are so high, but the task feels daunting. Do you have any suggestions for organizing his health information?

Sincerely,

Dana in Saginaw, MI

Keeping a Senior’s Medical Information Organized

Dear Dana:

I understand your predicament! Keeping up with all the information health care providers pass along can be challenging. And the calendar can be equally difficult when a loved one has a variety of physicians on his care team. The key is to create a system that is easy to maintain and update. That will make you more likely to use it. These tips will help you get started.

Begin by sorting all your dad’s medical information by topic or category. Then place it all in a binder you take with you to appointments. Getting organized will make your role of family caregiver easier. A few suggested categories to include in your file are:

• Calendar: It’s convenient to store appointments in an app. It lets you set reminders and quickly view your dad’s schedule when you need to make physician appointments. But having a physical calendar as a back-up is important, too. It’s also easier to plan your entire week when you can quickly glance at all your dad’s appointments.
• Medical history: This broad category is a good place to include your dad’s visit notes from medical appointments, hospital discharge orders, and any health summaries a physician may have provided. It might also help to keep a chronological list of milestones in his diagnosis and treatment.
• Test results: While health care systems use electronic medical records, not all systems interact with one another. For older adults like your dad, who see multiple physicians, keeping hard copies of test results is a good idea. That makes it easier to share among his doctors during visits.
• Family medical history: When seeing a new patient for the first time, providers ask them to review their family medical history. This information helps physicians assess a patient’s predisposition for hereditary conditions. Having this information typed and saved on your computer makes it easy to update and print when you need to make changes.
• Medication list: At every medical appointment, you’ll likely be asked if your dad has started or changed any medications since his last visit. Create a list that includes medication name, dosage information, and the prescribing physician. Remember to include over-the-counter medications, too, as they can impact the effectiveness of prescriptions.
• Physician contact information: Create a list with your dad’s current and past physicians. Include contact information, such as office addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and fax numbers.

Make sure to create backup copies to store in a safe, secure location.

Finally, if you would like to utilize an app to make your role of caregiver easier, consider Healthspek. Apps like these are often a good solution for families, especially where multiple siblings are involved in care.

Good luck getting organized, Dana! I’m sure you’ll be happy you made time to do this.

Kind regards,

Donna

Get to Know Heritage Senior Communities

Planning for the future is important when you are a caregiver for a family member. An essential part of that plan is exploring local senior care resources, including senior living communities. For seniors in Michigan and Indiana, we encourage you to make Heritage a part of your search. Call a community near you to learn more!

Care for the Caregiver: Convincing a Spouse It’s Time for a Change

by Shelley | Jan 11, 2022 | Caregiving, Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

My wife and I have been married for over 50 years. Several years ago, I suffered a stroke. While I have recovered a lot of my abilities, I am not able to do nearly as much as I used to. Not only does my wife have to help me with personal care, but she’s now responsible for our home’s indoor and outdoor upkeep.

I’ve tried to convince my wife to slow down and ask for help. She’s not willing to do that nor is she interested in hiring a caregiver through a home care agency. I really think it’s time for us to move to a senior living community. It seems like a solution that would free her from some of her burdens and allow her to tend to her own well-being.

Any suggestions on what I can do? I’m afraid something will happen to my wife if she keeps up this pace.

Thanks in advance,

Steve in Saginaw, MI

Caring for the Reluctant Caregiver

Dear Steve:

Sounds as if you and your wife have been through some tough times together in recent years! It’s not unusual for a spouse to try to manage their partner’s care all alone. Many spouses are reluctant to ask for or accept help, often thinking no one will be as good a caregiver as they are. But you are right to be concerned about your wife’s health and well-being.

Family caregivers experience more incidences of health problems than their non-caregiving peers. Medical issues can range from back injuries and headaches to digestive disturbances and sleep problems. Since it sounds like you are trying to convince your wife that it’s time for a move, sharing the benefits of senior living communities with her may help change her mind.

I always remind family members that this is a process. It usually takes a series of conversations and community visits to help a reluctant spouse or parent accept the time for change has arrived. Remind your loved one of the advantages of a move. In a senior living community, you will be able to:

• Enjoy your time together: With fewer chores and less household upkeep, you and your wife will have more time to enjoy each other’s
• You can reconnect with favorite pastimes or tackle new ones together when you have more free time.
• Protect your future: Find a kind way to remind your wife that by taking better care of herself, she protects both of your futures. Making time for routine health screenings is essential, as is staying physically fit. Opportunities to exercise, such as yoga, stretching classes, and walking groups, occur daily at senior living communities.
• Eat well–balanced meals: A healthy diet is an essential component to aging well. That’s true no matter what your circumstances. At senior living communities, residents enjoy nutritious meals every day. You’ll usually have a variety of menus to choose from. Instead of having to worry about preparing food, you and your wife can relax and chat at mealtimes.
• Gain peace of mind: Some residents say a move to a senior living community is a gift they give their children. That’s true for spouses, as well. You will both gain peace of mind knowing your needs will be met and that you have quick access to help in the event of an emergency.

While these are just a few benefits you’ll gain by moving, they may be enough to change your wife’s perspective.

Please drop me a note if you have any additional questions I can answer!

Kind regards,

Donna

Heritage Senior Communities

A family-owned, fourth generation provider of senior living, Heritage Senior Communities has locations throughout Michigan and one in Indiana. With a well-earned reputation for quality care, Heritage offers independent living, assisted living, and memory care.

How to Start a Conversation about Assisted Living with a Senior

by Shelley | Dec 6, 2021 | Caregiving, Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

I’m heading home over Christmas to visit my mom in Traverse City, Michigan. When I was there this summer, I decided it’s time to talk with her about moving to an assisted living community.

While I’m hoping she is receptive to the idea, just the thought of bringing it up with her gives me anxiety. Mom still lives in the house she and my dad bought shortly after they were married. I know the emotional attachment she has to it.

Do you have any suggestions for how to initiate this discussion?

Sincerely,

Stacey

Dear Stacey:

Your apprehension isn’t uncommon. We often hear from adult children who say they dreaded starting “the talk” so much they kept putting it off. Then a crisis occurred, and they were scrambling to research and visit senior care options. It’s an unfortunate situation as you are less likely to make an informed choice in the middle of a crisis.

The best time to explore assisted living communities is before a loved one needs to move. Not only will the transition be smoother, but they will also find their quality of life improves. From nutrition to life enrichment activities, assisted living has much to offer. I have some tips that will help you feel more confident beginning the conversation with your mom.

4 Tips for Talking to a Senior about Assisted Living

1. Research your options.

Before you initiate this conversation, spend some time online learning more about the different types of senior living. With enough background information, you may be able to answer your mom’s basic questions. This includes pricing, as it’s usually one of the first concerns seniors express about assisted living. Once you have a few communities that seem like good choices for your mom, call each one for more details.

COVID-19 protocols may limit the number of visitors some assisted living communities are allowing. Fortunately, most offer virtual tours which give you a better understanding of the community. That should provide you with enough information to discuss the community with your mom.

2. Show empathy.

It’s tough to really understand how difficult giving up the family home can be for your mom, but it does help if you try to put yourself in her shoes. Be kind and empathetic, even if the conversation isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped. Even if your mom is fearful of living alone, the very idea of making a change can be difficult.

Another issue to keep in mind is that many seniors believe myths about assisted living communities. These misperceptions may make them fearful of moving. A few additional concerns seniors say prevent them from considering assisted living include:

• Being forced to participate in activities
• Losing their privacy and independence
• Running out of money and having to move again
• Worrying that family and friends won’t visit often

Take time to listen to your mother’s concerns and give reassurance.

3. Be patient and listen.

Before you start the discussion, understand and accept that it’s rare for an older adult to agree to move during the first conversation. A decision is usually made after a series of talks and visits to assisted living communities. By being patient and actively listening, you will be better able to identify and address your mom’s concerns.

An easy, non-threatening way to begin the talk is by asking your mom how she feels about living alone. Is she afraid at night? Is she struggling to manage necessary household responsibilities? Does she feel lonely? Also, ask if any of her friends have moved to assisted living. This will allow you to gauge her feelings about the issue and ease into the conversation.

4. Watch your body language.

It’s easy to become frustrated when you are worried about a senior loved one’s health and safety. Being mindful of your body language can also help this talk go a little smoother.

If your mom doesn’t immediately agree to a move, it’s important not to get mad or be heavy handed in trying to convince her. While you may not verbalize your impatience, your tone and body language can give you away. Crossing your arms, using a sharp tone of voice, and avoiding eye contact are a few behaviors to be aware of if things don’t go like you hope.

Assisted Living at Heritage Senior Communities

I hope these suggestions help you and your mom work together to find a solution. Depending upon where your search for assisted living takes you, I’d also like to extend an open invitation to consider Heritage Senior Communities. With locations throughout Michigan and one in Indiana, you’ll likely find an assisted living community your mom will be happy to call home!

Kind regards,

Donna