by Shelley | Jul 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My grandmother moved into my parents’ home just over a year ago. She experienced a series of falls that her primary care doctor felt were related to poor nutrition and a sedentary lifestyle. The goal in bringing my grandma into my parents’ home was to help her get stronger so she could continue to live independently.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. My grandmother’s health deteriorated even more and it looks as if the move to my parents’ home will likely be permanent. My mom and dad live in Michigan. I live all the way out in the state of Washington, so I can’t be much help to them. But I can tell my mom is exhausted and needs assistance. I think she is doubting how well she is doing taking care of my grandmother.
Do you have any advice on how I can support my mom long distance?
Sincerely,
Jayme
What to Do When the Family Caregiver Needs Assistance
Dear Jayme:
Family caregiving can be a rewarding but demanding role. And it’s one an increasing number of people find themselves in. Research shows that between 2011 and 2022, the number of family caregivers in this country climbed from 18.1 million to 24.2 million. That brings me to my first suggestion: help your mother connect with peers who also find themselves struggling to manage it all.
While many organizations near her likely offer in-person options, an online caregiver support group might be easier on her busy schedule. Talking with people who share her fears and frustrations can go a long way in making her feel more confident as a caregiver.
A few other steps that might make your mom’s daily life more manageable could be:
- Exploring respite care options: If your mom isn’t familiar with respite care, you can help educate her on it while also investigating providers in her area. Some families enjoy taking advantage of short-term stays at an assisted living community on a regular basis. Loved ones can take time for themselves knowing their family member is in good hands.
- Organizing help from others: It’s not uncommon for an adult child who is caring for a parent to feel it is their duty to provide all of their care without asking for assistance from others. Busy caregivers often feel too overwhelmed to even ask for help. Even from many miles away, you can coordinate a rotating schedule of assistance with friends and family. Apps like Lotsa Helping Hands and CaringBridge make this easier for you to do.
- Utilizing meal delivery services: One challenge many people experience while caring for a family member is a lack of time to prepare healthy meals. Fortunately, there are options. You could explore home-delivered meal programs that meet your parents’ and your grandmother’s dietary needs and preferences.
- Encouraging self-care without guilt: Sometimes, reminding a caregiver that it is okay (and necessary) to take breaks, rest, and care for themselves without feeling guilty can make a big difference. It gives them permission to make their own health and happiness a priority, too.
- Being a good listener: Finally, remind yourself that your mom likely needs someone to talk to without judging or trying to “fix” everything. Be that person for her. Let her share her fears, guilt, and frustration with you. It is not only therapeutic, but may also help her find solutions as she talks through various struggles.
I hope these suggestions give your mom a chance to better balance her duties as a caregiver and her own health and well-being.
If you have any additional questions or would like to talk with a team member about respite care in Michigan, I encourage you to call the Heritage location nearest you to learn more!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
We are just beginning the search for an assisted living community in Michigan for my dad. We hope to have him moved in and settled before the snow begins to fly. While I believe the social aspects of community life will be very good for my dad, I’m struggling with the idea of giving up being his primary caregiver. It sounds silly as the role has been very demanding, but I’m concerned we’ll lose the close connection we’ve built.
Do you have any suggestions for how I can stay involved once we find a new place for my dad? And are family members really welcomed at communities? I would appreciate any suggestions and advice.
Steve in Grand Haven, MI
Staying Connected After a Loved One Moves to Assisted Living
Dear Steve:
It’s not silly at all! In fact, the feelings you are expressing are shared by many adult children. When a parent moves into an assisted living community, it can be a big transition for the whole family. While it’s natural to feel a mix of relief and concern, staying connected to them and their daily life can make the experience more positive for everyone.
Getting to know the staff and getting involved not only supports your parent emotionally but also helps build relationships that foster a stronger sense of community.
- Attend events: Start by attending social events, family nights, or seasonal celebrations. These gatherings provide a great way to meet and engage with your parent’s new neighbors and show support. Most communities welcome family participation and typically post calendars of upcoming activities online. Simply being present for a game night, woodworking class, or a concert sends the message to your dad and the team that you are interested and supportive.
- Share your time: Volunteering is another meaningful way to engage. You could help organize events or offer to share special skills you might have, such as teaching a computer class or helping with raised bed gardening. And you’ll likely find you benefit from volunteering your time as much as the residents do!
- Communicate with staff: Regular communication with the community team is also essential. Building rapport with caregivers, nurses, and activity directors ensures your dad’s needs are being met and helps address any concerns early. It’s also a good way to advocate for your parent if changes are needed.
One final suggestion is to continue to include your dad in outings or family traditions whenever possible. An outdoor lunch, a holiday gathering, or even a simple walk can maintain his connection to home life.
Being part of your parent’s assisted living experience doesn’t mean being there every day—it means staying present, involved, and proactive. Your ongoing involvement sends a powerful message: they are loved, valued, and supported in this new chapter of life.
Visit a Heritage Location Near You
Since you mentioned you are beginning to search for an assisted living community in Michigan, I would like to extend an invitation to you and your dad to visit a Heritage location near you. Our team will be happy to take you on a tour and answer all of your questions. We can even arrange for the two of you to participate in a community activity of your choosing. Call us today to set up a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 27, 2025 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
My great uncle lives with a couple of very serious medical conditions that require many health care appointments. Because he lives close to me and he doesn’t have any children, I have become his primary caregiver. While we have people who help with housekeeping and meals, my husband and I manage pretty much everything else for him.
The two of us and our teenagers are very fond of my uncle and want to do whatever we can to support him. However, I worry that I am not doing a great job monitoring his care. His needs are getting more and more complex.
Do you have any tips on advocating for a family elder? We could use whatever suggestions you might have with regard to health care, finances, and more.
Sincerely,
Katie in Spring Hill, MI
Tips to Help Family Caregivers Advocate for an Elder
Dear Katie:
What a great question! As our loved ones age, they often face increasing medical, financial, and legal challenges. We also know family members often worry about how well they are doing caring for a loved one. So, we are happy to have the opportunity to share some ideas.
Whether it’s navigating healthcare systems, dealing with insurance companies, or researching senior living communities, here are practical tips for being an effective advocate.
The first step in advocating for an older family member is understanding their needs, preferences, and concerns. Make time for open conversations with your uncle to make sure he feels valued and respected. Even if his memory is fading or he struggles with communication, it’s important to involve him in decisions as much as possible. Advocacy isn’t about taking control—it’s about empowering a senior loved one and helping them be heard.
Keep all important documents, such as medical records, insurance information, legal documents (wills, power of attorney), and contact information for doctors or caregivers, in one place. Having organized records can help you respond quickly in emergencies and ensure you have accurate information when speaking with professionals.
You can also create a folder—physical or digital—with a log of appointments, medications, and care instructions. This helps you stay on top of your uncle’s needs and ensures consistency if others are helping provide care.
- Learn about their rights.
Seniors have specific rights, especially in medical and long-term care settings. Learn about patients’ rights, elder abuse laws, and Medicare or Medicaid regulations. This knowledge will help you identify when something isn’t right—like being overcharged for care or pressured into unwanted treatments—and speak up effectively. Resources like the National Institute on Aging and your local Area Agency on Aging can provide helpful guidance.
- Communicate clearly and respectfully.
When interacting with healthcare providers, social workers, or service agencies, you may need to be assertive but respectful. Prepare questions ahead of appointments, take notes, and don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. If something doesn’t feel right, seek a second opinion.
Always aim to keep your loved one informed about conversations and decisions. Even if they’re unable to fully participate, being transparent helps maintain trust and dignity.
- Watch for changes and warning signs.
Advocacy also means being observant. Watch for signs of elder abuse, neglect, financial exploitation, or declining health. Unexplained injuries, sudden changes in mood, unusual financial transactions, or poor hygiene can all be red flags. If you suspect something is wrong, speak up and report it to the appropriate authorities or professionals.
I hope these tips are useful to you and your husband, Katie! If you have any more questions, we encourage you to contact a Heritage location near you. One of our experienced team members will be happy to help!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 27, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
An older lady at my church was recently the victim of a phone scam. According to her daughter, she lost a considerable amount of money. While I consider my parents to be pretty savvy, even with technology, this news left me feeling concerned.
I’ve followed your blog for a year or so now and know you always have helpful suggestions for seniors and their families. Do you have any tips I can share with my parents? I’d like to do everything possible to keep this from happening to them.
Sincerely,
Judy in Muskegon, MI
Safety Suggestions to Help a Senior Avoid Being Scammed
Dear Judy,
Unfortunately, scams targeting seniors are much too common. According to the FBI, fraud complaints involving older victims rose 14% in 2023! Phone scams against seniors are on the rise, with fraudsters using increasingly sophisticated tactics to steal money or personal information. With greater awareness and a few preventative strategies, however, families can significantly reduce the risk. Here are seven essential tips for protecting the senior in your life from phone scams.
- Educate loved ones about common scams.
Start by talking openly about the types of scams that target seniors. Common ones include fake IRS calls, lottery or sweepstakes scams, tech support fraud, and impersonation of grandchildren or loved ones in distress. Scammers often create a sense of urgency, demanding immediate action like wiring money or giving personal details. Remind loved ones that government agencies, banks, and legitimate companies never request sensitive information over the phone.
- Encourage screening of calls.
Teach your loved one to let unknown numbers go to voicemail. Most legitimate callers will leave a message. Encourage them to only return calls to trusted contacts or those they recognize. Caller ID can help, but it’s not foolproof. Scammers can “spoof” numbers to look like they’re calling from a familiar organization. If a message sounds suspicious, it’s best to ignore it and consult a trusted family member.
- Use call blocking technology.
Install a call-blocking service or device that automatically filters out potential scam calls. Many phone providers offer built-in options, and products like CPR Call Blocker or Nomorobo can help reduce robocalls and unwanted numbers. Cell phones also have settings or apps available that can silence unknown or suspicious calls.
- Set up a trusted contact system.
Create a list of trusted contacts with your loved one—family, friends, doctors, or financial advisors—so they know who to turn to if they’re unsure about a call. Let them know it’s always okay to hang up and check with someone they trust before taking action. This extra step can prevent hasty decisions made under pressure.
- Encourage the “hang up rule.”
Stress that it’s okay—and often necessary—to hang up if something feels wrong. Scammers are trained to keep people on the phone. The longer the conversation, the more likely the victim may be manipulated. A good rule of thumb: if someone is pressuring you for money or personal details, just hang up.
- Monitor financial statements.
Encourage your parents to keep an eye on their financial accounts. Reviewing bank and credit card statements regularly can alert them to unauthorized transactions early. If you have any concerns about their ability to do this, ask if you can be added to their accounts or have your own login. Should you notice anything suspicious, help them contact their financial institution immediately to investigate.
- Stay connected and involved.
Isolation increases the risk of scams. Seniors who feel lonely may be more likely to engage with callers. Regular check-ins from family members help reduce this vulnerability. Creating open communication about finances and online safety also fosters trust and reduces the stigma if a mistake is made.
“How Seniors Can Stay Safe Shopping Online” is another article on the Heritage blog that you might find helpful in protecting your parents’ financial health. It has good tips for making online purchasing less risky.
I hope this helps, Judy! Thanks for sending us this question.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 28, 2025 | Caregiving
As we age, making our homes safer and more comfortable becomes essential. Home safety modifications can create a supportive environment that allows older adults to age in place comfortably.
For seniors, a secure and accessible living space can help maintain independence, reduce the risk of injury, and ensure peace of mind. The same is true for adult children who are moving an aging parent into their home. Taking steps to ensure they are safe with you is important.
If you are wondering how and where to get started, here are seven senior-friendly home safety modifications to consider.
Ideas for Improving Home Safety for Seniors
- Bathroom Safety Improvements
Bathrooms are one of the most common places where seniors experience accidents due to slippery surfaces and difficult-to-navigate features. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), 80% of the falls older adults experience happen in the bathroom, and an estimated 200,000 seniors are treated each year for bathroom-related injuries.
Installing grab bars near the toilet, as well as in and around the bathtub, can provide extra stability. Nonslip mats or adhesive strips should be placed in the bathtub to prevent slipping. A handheld showerhead can also allow the senior to sit instead of standing under the water.
Additionally, replacing a traditional shower with a walk-in model can eliminate the need to step over high tub sides, reducing the risk of falls. Don’t forget to investigate raised toilet seats. They can make standing up and sitting down safer.
- Stair and Floor Modifications
Stairs can be especially hazardous for seniors, particularly those with balance issues. To enhance safety, consider installing stair rails on both sides of the staircase and ensuring they are sturdy and easy to grip. Make sure the staircase is well-lit and consider applying contrasting tape to the edges to make steps more visible.
In addition to stairs, flooring should be taken into account. Avoid rugs that could easily slip or create tripping hazards. Instead, opt for low-pile carpets or slip-resistant flooring, such as vinyl or rubber, in high-traffic areas. Hardwood or tile floors should also be treated with slip-resistant finishes to improve traction.
- Wider Doorways and Hallways
For seniors who use walkers, canes, or wheelchairs, it’s essential that doorways and hallways are wide enough to accommodate these mobility aids. Widening doorways or removing obstacles in narrow spaces ensures that seniors can move around their home without difficulty. Smooth, level thresholds between rooms help with safe transitions and reduce the risk of tripping.
- Good Lighting
Adequate lighting is crucial to preventing accidents. Pay special attention to areas where seniors might be moving around at night, such as the kitchen, bathroom, and hallway. Adding motion-sensor lighting in key areas can help illuminate spaces when needed.
Night-lights in bedrooms and bathrooms are also helpful for guiding seniors to the restroom during the night without the need to fumble for switches. Bright, even lighting throughout the home reduces shadows that may obscure potential hazards.
- Smart Home Technology
Incorporating smart technology into a senior’s home can greatly improve safety and convenience. Devices such as smart thermostats, voice-activated assistants (like Amazon Alexa or Google Assistant), and automated lights can be controlled without needing to move or strain.
Additionally, smart home security systems with cameras, doorbell monitoring, and emergency alerts can provide an extra layer of protection.
- Kitchen Safety Modifications
In the kitchen, modifications that reduce the risk of burns, cuts, and falls can be crucial. Fires can be particularly hazardous for older adults, especially those who have mobility issues and can’t evacuate quickly. But there are safety measures that can help. By installing a stovetop device that has an automatic shut-off feature in case a pan is left unattended, you may avoid a potential fire. Not hanging curtains, towels, or aprons too close to a burner is another preventative measure.
Lowering cabinets or using pull-out shelves can make it easier for seniors to access kitchenware without straining or reaching. Finally, don’t forget to place nonslip mats in front of the sink and stove.
- Emergency Response Systems
Lastly, emergency response systems provide an immediate way to call for help in case of an emergency. Wearing a pendant or wristband with a built-in alert button ensures that, even if a senior is unable to get to a phone, help can be summoned quickly.
Consider a Move to a Senior Living Community
By making these modifications, even temporarily while you are searching for an assisted living or memory care community, seniors may be able to reduce their risk of accidents. Should your search for senior living include locations in Michigan, we invite you to consider Heritage. Call a community near you to set up a time to visit.
by Shelley | Mar 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’ve been the caregiver for my 84-year-old husband for over eight years. He experienced a recurrence of his cancer that has gradually caused many complications. It has been such a long road, and my own health has declined quite significantly along the way. My daughter is always here to help me, but she works full time and has a family of her own.
There are days when I have no time for myself or criticize my ability to manage stress. I try to remind myself providing 24/7 care for a loved one is a huge undertaking, especially in my 80s. I just can’t seem to get to a place where I can be kinder to myself. I am heartsick at the demands our situation has placed on my daughter. She is exhausted, too.
Do you have any advice? We could surely use some.
Kind regards,
Sheri in Douglas, MI
Suggestions to Manage and Overcome Caregiver Guilt
Dear Sheri:
Wow! Your situation does sound very difficult. I can see why you and your daughter are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Just know that this struggle is common among people who are caring for a loved one, especially those who are long-term caregivers.
Caregiver guilt arises when a person feels that they are not doing enough for their loved one or not providing the level of care they think is required. It can manifest in many ways, such as feeling inadequate, questioning decisions, or struggling with feelings of resentment. Caregivers may feel torn between their responsibilities to their loved one and their desire for personal time, career obligations, or family needs. These feelings are often compounded by the demanding nature of caregiving.
The guilt is further exacerbated when caregivers put their own needs last, sacrificing their health, social life, and emotional well-being for the sake of their loved one. Caregivers may also feel guilt when they seek outside help, believing they should be able to handle everything on their own. This sense of personal responsibility can be exhausting and lead to feelings of isolation.
Coping Strategies for Caregiver Guilt and Exhaustion
I do have a few ideas that might help you navigate these difficult days:
- Acknowledge your feelings: The first step in managing guilt and exhaustion is acknowledging that these feelings are natural and valid. Caregiving is a difficult role, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Recognizing your emotions allows you to address them and seek support. Denying these feelings can lead to increased stress and burnout, so it’s crucial to give yourself permission to feel and process them.
- Set realistic expectations: It’s important to understand that you are doing your best, and you cannot be everything to everyone. Setting realistic expectations about what you can accomplish each day can help you avoid feelings of inadequacy. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself—focus on what you’ve done well rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
- Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Carving out time for self-care may feel impossible, but even small acts of self-kindness can help rejuvenate you. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or simply enjoying a warm bath, make time each day for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This practice will help replenish your energy and strengthen your ability to care for your loved one.
- Build a support system: Caregivers often feel guilty about seeking help, but relying on others can make a significant difference. Building a support system of family, friends, or professional caregivers can provide relief. Ask them for assistance, whether it’s for a few hours of respite or emotional support during tough times.
- Practice mindfulness: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga, can help manage stress and provide emotional grounding. These practices encourage caregivers to stay present and focused, reducing anxiety and overwhelming thoughts. Taking even a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness can make a big difference in emotional regulation and overall well-being.
- Utilize respite care: One final suggestion is to give yourself permission to use respite care at an assisted living community. These short stay programs give caregivers a chance to take a break and restore their own sense of well-being knowing a loved one is in good hands.
I hope this information is useful to you, Sheri! Please call a Heritage location near you if you’d like to learn more about our respite services in Michigan.
Kind regards,
Donna
