by Shelley | Jul 30, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad has been on his own for about three years now since my mom passed away. During this time, his health has been slowly declining. My sister and I live fairly close to his house and have been trying to assist him whenever and however we can. The catch is my dad is a very proud man. He is adamant that he doesn’t need help, even though he clearly does.
My sister and I are looking for suggestions from experts like you on how to support an aging parent without being perceived as bossy or domineering. Do you have any advice? We would greatly appreciate any recommendations.
Sincerely,
Jeff in Grand Haven, MI
Assisting an Aging Parent While Protecting Dignity and Independence
Dear Jeff:
This is such a tough situation and one that many adult children find themselves trying to navigate. It is so difficult to watch a parent’s health decline and struggle to find ways to help. While there is no magic formula for getting a senior loved one to accept assistance, I can offer you a few suggestions.
- Initiate a conversation with empathy: Approach conversations with your dad from a place of empathy and understanding. Start by expressing your concern for his well-being and asking open-ended questions about his needs and preferences. For example, you might want to say, “Dad, it seems as if you’ve been having trouble with [specific task]. How can I help make that easier? Can we do that together or find someone we can pay to do it?”
- Offer specific, practical help: Instead of making broad statements or assumptions about what your dad needs, offer specific and practical assistance. For instance, suggest concrete ways you can help or hire outside assistance. It could be scheduling doctor’s appointments if the office uses an online platform or finding a local landscaping company. If he’s struggling with grocery shopping, perhaps you could order his groceries online each week for curbside pick-up or delivery.
- Approach support collaboratively: Along the same lines as offering specific types of help is to approach caregiving as a collaborative effort where you, your sister, and your dad each have a voice. Suggest that the three of you work together to create a plan that includes financial decisions, household tasks, personal needs, and ideas for the future. This might help avoid giving your dad the perception that you are trying to take over or boss him around.
- Practice active listening: When you are convinced you know the best solution for an aging loved one’s health and well-being, it can be difficult to sit back and listen. But it is an important step in getting your dad to consider making changes. Listen attentively to his concerns, fears, and preferences without interrupting or imposing your own agenda. Validate his feelings and show you are trying to understand the situation from his perspective.
- Value decision-making: Recognize that your dad has the right to make decisions about his own life, including his health and how he handles his living arrangements. If you are worried that he is making the wrong decision—or no decision at all—try to provide him with additional information and options. In the end, however, you might have to accept and honor his wishes.
- Be patient and flexible: Recognize that caregiving can be challenging and unpredictable. Be patient with your dad and yourselves as you and your sister navigate the ups and downs of caring for an aging parent. Remain flexible and be willing to adapt to changing needs and circumstances. It’s the best way to keep the lines of communication open.
- Express appreciation: Remember to express gratitude to your dad when he allows you or your sister to pitch in and help. When he sees how sincere your gratitude is, your dad may gradually come around to accepting more assistance.
Finally, I want to share an article you might find useful if you feel moving to an assisted living community is the best solution for your dad’s health and safety. “How to Overcome a Parent’s Resistance about Assisted Living” offers suggestions on how to determine the underlying issue that might be causing a senior’s reluctance to make a necessary change.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 30, 2024 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
For the past 4 years my husband and I have been helping my parents with a variety of tasks. It started out with simple home maintenance like changing the light bulbs in overhead fixtures and mopping the kitchen floor.
Over the last year or so, however, both my mom and my dad have had a serious decline in health. We’ve tried hiring homemaker aides to assist but haven’t found anyone reliable. So, my husband and I are doing everything from picking up groceries and prescriptions to filling their weekly medication organizers.
While we want to support my parents’ needs, both of us work full-time. We just can’t seem to get everything done in a day anymore. Do you have any time-saving tips for family caregivers? We’ve started talking with my mom and dad about moving to assisted living but understand they need to make this decision for themselves.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Roberta in Pittsfield Township, MI
Tips to Help Family Caregivers Manage Their Time
Dear Roberta:
This is one of the questions family caregivers ask us most often! Caring for senior loved ones can be immensely rewarding, but the role often comes with unique challenges. This is particularly true with regard to managing time effectively. Family caregivers usually juggle multiple responsibilities, from providing emotional support to handling practical tasks, like medication management, transportation, personal care, and household chores.
Here are some tips that may help busy caregivers, like you and your husband, save time and reduce stress:
- Establish a routine: Predictability helps reduce anxiety. Try to streamline caregiving tasks into a daily routine for your parents as much as possible. Make a plan that includes a schedule for meals, medication dosages, and other important activities. That will allow you to better accommodate your own needs.
- Utilize technology: Use medication reminder apps or alarms on your smartphone to stay on top of medication schedules, doctor’s appointments, and other time-bound tasks. It can alleviate some of the stress you likely feel about forgetting things. Also, since transportation and waiting for physicians can eat up considerable time, ask if telemedicine is an option. These virtual appointments can allow you to complete other household chores while waiting for the doctor.
- Organize health information: One thing caregivers are often surprised by is the volume of paperwork they accumulate. Shuffling through it can waste a lot of time. A better way to handle this is to create a binder or digital folder with important documents. Include insurance information/paperwork, physician visit summaries, and a list with contact information for healthcare providers. This makes it easy to access information quickly when needed. It will require an initial investment of time, but will save time over the long run.
- Create a medication management system: Many family caregivers worry about their loved one’s medications. A missed dose of an important medicine can land a senior in the emergency room. So can taking too much. Creating a medication system that includes a schedule and pill organizers to sort medications for the week can help. This helps prevent confusion and ensures doses are not missed. There are even systems you can purchase that will sound an alarm at dosage time and text family members if medications aren’t taken. Also consider using a pharmacy that delivers prescriptions to your parents’ doorstep to save time.
- Prioritize self-care: Finally, remember to include your own self-care in your schedule when you are budgeting your time. That means engaging in regular exercise, relaxing, eating well, and having hobbies that bring you joy. Joining an online support group for caregivers might allow you to connect with others who understand your challenges and can provide valuable tips and encouragement.
Respite Care at Heritage Senior Communities
By implementing these time-saving tips and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate the challenges of caregiving more effectively while maintaining your own well-being. One last tip is to explore respite care services at a local assisted living community. These short-term stays allow caregivers time to take a much-needed break.
I hope this information is helpful, Roberta! Please feel free to contact me with any additional questions.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jul 2, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My mom and I have both had a pretty tough year. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and battled it for six months before his death. The two of us are pretty worn out and in need of some fun and relaxation. I would like to take my mom on a real vacation, but she has some mobility challenges. She can walk only for short distances before she needs the assistance of a walker or wheelchair.
We are open to traveling by car, plane, or even a train. The key is to make our trip as easy as possible for my mom. Do you have any suggestions? We live in southeast Michigan but are open to going anywhere!
Sincerely,
Anna in Midland, MI
Vacation Destinations for Older Adults with Limited Mobility
Dear Anna:
My condolences on the loss of your father. Caring for a loved one with a life-limiting illness can be mentally and physically exhausting. It seems like you and your mom could definitely use a vacation!
Since it sounds like your mom’s mobility issues are understandably a worry for you, I’m sure it’s tough to figure out how to plan your getaway. With that in mind, here are a few tips that might help you narrow your choices:
- Consider taking a cruise: While cruise ships can be large and require a considerable amount of walking, they also have accessible options for those who require it. Most have wheelchairs that can be rented for the duration of the trip, as well as accessible cabins and physical environment. Features often include wider doorways with no sills or lips, raised toilet seats, handrails along hallways, accessible balconies, lower rods in closets, and benches in the shower. On-board restaurants and theaters have designated seating for those who use wheelchairs or other mobility devices. This article ranking the best cruise lines for people with limited mobility might be a helpful read.
- Explore a national park: After the tough months that you and your mom experienced, connecting with nature might give your spirits a boost. Fortunately, America’s National Park Service has a variety of options for people who struggle with mobility. Many have accessible trails and scenic drives that are great for people of all ages who have limited mobility. Some of the parks also offer educational programs and tours led by park rangers so you can learn about the natural history and the diverse wildlife. A few senior-friendly parks include Acadia National Park in Maine, Yosemite National Park in California, Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky, and Hawaii Volcanoes National Park in Hawaii.
- Travel by train: If busy airports, long car rides, national parks, or large cruise ships don’t appeal to you, maybe taking a train trip will. Among the many benefits of rail travel is that you can sign up for a trip that includes your own sleeping space. You’ll avoid having to unpack and repack your suitcase at multiple locations. Train travelers over the age of 65 often receive special discounted pricing, too. The Accessible Travel Services page on Amtrak’s website has some great information you’ll want to review if you decide to hit the rails for your vacation.
Finally, if you decide you’d like to include younger family members in your travel party, we have some information that might help you plan. “Intergenerational Summer Vacations” contains more helpful destination ideas.
Sending you and your mom best wishes for a great vacation!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 1, 2024 | Caregiving
Dear Donna:
My mom moved in with my family a few months ago after my dad passed away. Whether it’s swimming outside or attending our kids’ sports events, we are always on the move. Because my mom really isn’t safe staying alone, we’d like to include her in as many activities as possible. We also want to make sure we do so safely.
While my mom doesn’t have any serious health conditions, she does struggle with a few minor medical issues. A big concern for us is that she doesn’t seem to handle the heat as well as she used to. I am particularly worried about keeping her hydrated, as I’ve heard that is an issue for older people.
Do you have any suggestions for me on seniors and hydration?
Sincerely,
Kim in Saginaw, MI
What Caregivers Should Know About Senior Hydration
Dear Kim:
First, my condolences on the loss of your father. I’m sure this has been a difficult time for your entire family. Adding a loved one to the house is likely an adjustment for everyone, too.
You are right to be concerned about hydration for your mom this summer. The hot, humid days can be tough on people of all ages, but especially older adults who can become dehydrated fairly quickly. The summer sun also places seniors at increased risk for additional heat-related illnesses, like sun poisoning and heat stroke. Learning how to spot the signs of dehydration, as well as what you can do to avoid it, is important.
Common Signs a Senior Is Experiencing Dehydration
Recognizing when a senior loved one is in the early stages of dehydration allows you to treat the condition before a more serious health crisis occurs. Here are some of the common symptoms to look out for this summer:
-
-
- Headache
- Dizziness
- Weakness
- Confusion
- Dry mouth
- Irritability
- Sunken eyes
- Trouble walking
- Rapid heartbeat
- Low blood pressure
Thankfully, there are steps you can take to help prevent a senior loved one from experiencing dehydration.
How to Keep a Senior Loved One Hydrated This Summer
- Pump up fluid intake: Preventing dehydration during the hot, humid days of summer requires eating and drinking the right foods and beverages. Water is almost always the best choice. Ask your mom’s doctor for guidance on how much she should be consuming on a typical summer day, especially if she’ll be outdoors in the heat. If she doesn’t care for the taste of water, try adding lemon, lime, cucumber slices, or berries to enhance the flavor. When you are planning menus, incorporate more foods that have high water content. These include melons, pears, berries, cucumbers, leafy greens, tomatoes, carrots, and popsicles.
- Limit caffeinated beverages: Drinks like iced coffee or frozen soda are popular during the summer because they taste so good, but the caffeine content can put a senior at increased risk for dehydration. While a single 8-ounce cup may not have much caffeine, super-sized cups or multiple caffeinated beverages in a day can create a problem. Caffeine is a diuretic, meaning it causes fluids to pass through your system faster. That fluid loss can contribute to dehydration.
- Skip the alcohol: From weddings to graduation parties, summer is a season for celebrations. Many of these include alcoholic beverages. Just like caffeine, alcohol can contribute to dehydration. Seniors who are spending more than a few minutes at a time outdoors in the heat should limit or avoid consuming alcoholic beverages.
- Review medication side effects: Many people aren’t aware that some medications can increase sun sensitivity. That means they can put seniors at risk for dehydration or a serious sunburn. Most pharmacists can help you identify any of your mother’s prescriptions that might be problematic. This list of medications that cause dehydration can also help.
- Dress wisely: Another way to keep your mom cooler and hydrated in the heat is through her wardrobe. Be sure she has a few pairs of quality sunglasses and hats with brims that shield her face and neck. Loose-fitting, lightweight clothing, preferably made of cotton, can also help.
I hope these tips are useful to you and your mom, Kim. One additional suggestion you might find helpful now that your mother is living with you is to explore local respite care options. For example, Heritage Senior Communities welcome short-term guests whose family caregivers need a break or a vacation. We invite you to call one of our communities to schedule a private tour today!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Mar 24, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m planning to relocate to a senior living community this summer. While I live in Florida now, my search is taking me to the Holland, Michigan, area to be closer to my daughter and her family. It will make it easier for us to be more involved in one another’s lives.
I’ve been considering this move for a while and feel it’s a good decision. However, I’ve been a resident of Florida for almost 30 years. Nearly all of my friends are here, as are my doctors, my church, and my volunteer work. The idea of starting over is daunting. Do you have some ideas to make rebuilding my social circle easier? It might help me prepare for this next chapter in life.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Tips for Making New Friends after Moving to a Senior Living Community
Dear Elizabeth:
First, it sounds like you have much to look forward to, especially being closer to your grandkids! And Holland, Michigan, is such a lovely area of the country to call home. But I understand how intimidating it may seem. Preparing ahead of time, like you are doing, is a great idea. Just in case you aren’t sure how to start your search, these tips might be helpful.
As far as rebuilding your social circle after a move to a senior living community, I do have a few ideas that I hope will be useful.
- Explore communities convenient to family.
Since you mentioned that you are just beginning your search for a senior community, my first suggestion is to carefully consider the location. While proximity to your daughter and her family shouldn’t be the top or only priority, it should be high on your list. That will make it easier for you to visit and help with the grandkids and for them to be involved in activities at your community.
- Research the Holland area online.
Another tip is to spend time online researching the Holland area. You already have the advantage of your daughter living there, but exploring opportunities of interest to you is important. For example, since you mentioned that you are currently involved in volunteer work, you could look around online to see which organizations might be looking for help. It’s also a good way to look up churches, doctors, and more.
- Get on newsletter and email lists.
Ask all of the senior living communities that you are seriously considering to put you on their lists to receive their newsletters and event information. While the distance will obviously prevent you from attending activities and programs, it will give you a chance to learn more about what happens each day. That will give you a head start once you move and are ready to participate in activities. If you do make personal visits to the communities before making a decision, which we always recommend, plan to attend an event or two when you are in town.
- Be patient but also put yourself out there.
My last suggestion is to give yourself time to settle in, but to also take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. That might include enjoying a cup of coffee in a common area of the community with neighbors or joining a morning stretching class. If you are a little hesitant to attend activities and events on your own, ask the life enrichment team to introduce you to neighbors who might share your interests. You could also invite family members to join you for a program.
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you, Elizabeth. And I’d like to encourage you to keep Heritage Senior Communities in the Holland area on your list. One of our team members will be happy to take you on a tour, answer any questions you might have, and invite you to one of our daily life enrichment activities.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Mar 24, 2024 | Caregiving, Healthy Aging
Online shopping has become a convenience many people rely on and take advantage of almost daily. It’s so easy to order whatever you need from the comfort of your sofa and have it all delivered right to your front porch. As more shopping malls and discount stores are shuttered due to decreasing foot traffic, online bargain hunting has become a necessity. That means learning how to shop safely online is important.
For those who are less tech-savvy, it’s easy to fall into traps that can cost you a lot of money. Research shows as many as 50% of Americans who shop online have experienced a cyber hack. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center estimates people over the age of 65 lost $3.1 billion in 2022 alone.
What can you do to protect yourself while shopping online? We have a few tips that might help you stay safe.
Be On Guard Against Online Shopping Scams
- Use credit cards, never debit cards.
Debit cards might help you avoid overspending, but they can also put your bank account at risk for hacking and fraud. This is especially true when shopping online. If you pay for an order by debit card and the site is a scam, a thief can empty your financial account before you realize something is wrong. While your bank will usually return the funds eventually, your accounts may be frozen until the investigation is complete. In contrast, when you use a credit card to make a purchase from an illegitimate website, the credit card company will usually take quick action to protect your account.
- Stick to stores you know and trust.
Social media is another way criminals target people for fraud. Scammers buy ads featuring attractive clothing, vacations, and household items for too-good-to-be-true prices. People click on the links not realizing they aren’t legitimate companies. Shoppers’ products never arrive, their credit card numbers are stolen, or both. Avoid this problem by making online purchases only from stores you know and trust, such as those you’ve visited in person. Also, be sure you go directly to the store’s website using a Google search. Never click on and follow links you receive via email or on social media, no matter how realistic they look.
- Check site security before ordering.
Another essential safety tip for online ordering is to verify the website is secure. It’s fairly easy to do. Check to make sure the site’s web address begins with “https” and has a tiny icon of a lock next to it. That combination signals a site is secure. If you don’t see that lock or the “s” after “http,” it’s best to avoid shopping on the site. Doing so might put you at risk for identity theft or other types of financial scams.
- Monitor financial accounts.
Finally, make it a habit to check your financial accounts regularly. That might mean not setting up your accounts to pay bills automatically. When you do so, it’s tempting to skip routinely reviewing online statements. That could lead to fraudulent activity being unnoticed for months. Apply this practice to credit cards, investment accounts, and banking. It’s also a good idea to take advantage of alert systems most financial institutions have available. You can set up notifications so you are contacted by phone or text when a major charge is made, an account balance reaches a pre-set limit, or there is a login from a new device.
Bookmark the Heritage Blog
If you found this article to be of interest, we encourage you to bookmark this blog and visit often. Each week, we share a new post on topics ranging from caregiving and healthy aging to dementia and senior care.
