by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Mar 14, 2014 | Alzheimer's and Dementia, Caregiving, Uncategorized
If you have children you have likely struggled to find kid-friendly restaurants. For those who are caregivers for a loved one living with Alzheimer’s disease, dining out may present a similar challenge. The disease often requires families to make special accommodations at mealtimes and to be more flexible when it comes to table manners and behaviors. When you are eating out, however, these changes might look a little unusual to other diners.
Meal Time Challenges with Alzheimer’s Disease
A night without the burden of cooking might be exactly what a caregiver needs. For many busy families, dining out is a part of their regular routine. But when a loved one lives with Alzheimer’s, restaurants can be intimidating places. The person living with the disease may face challenges that include:
- Difficulty using utensils
- Accessibility issues for restrooms and with booth or bench-style tables
- Increased impatience waiting for a table and waiting for food to arrive
- Wait staff unaccustomed communicating with someone who has dementia
- Noisy environments and distractions that increase agitation
Before you give up the idea of a night out, here are a few suggestions to consider that can make the experience easier on everyone:
- Think about visiting local restaurants that are more casual in nature. Those used to serving families with small children might be best. They aren’t usually as concerned when guests are a little messier.
- Menu items that allow diners to eat with their fingers can make it easier for your loved one to blend in. Chicken wings, sandwiches, fries and burgers might be good choices.
- Try to go during off times. If you don’t know what those are, call the restaurant. They can usually tell you what times you are less likely to face a long wait.
- Discretely explain your situation to the hostess or wait staff. They might be able to find a quiet corner for your family that is a little less distracting for someone with dementia.
- Consider taking a deck of cards or other busy work for your loved one to do while you wait for your food.
We hope these tips help you find ways to enjoy a night out with the entire family! If you have suggestions that might help other families, please share them in the comments below.
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by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Feb 18, 2014 | Caregiving, Uncategorized
Caring for a spouse is something most partners will face at one time or another. It might be short-term while they rehabilitate from a surgery or longer term if they suffer from a more debilitating disease such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s. For older adults, having a spouse as a caregiver offers the advantages of maintaining privacy, easing embarrassment and receiving care from someone who knows them well. For the caregiving spouse, the role can be personally fulfilling. It can, however, create health risks for the caregiver if the needs and stress become too great. It has been well-documented that caregiving spouses have more health problems than their non-caregiving peers.
Recognizing the Warning Signs for Caregiver Stress
How can a spousal caregiver recognize when they are putting their own health at risk? These are a few of the most common warning signs of caregiver stress:
- Becoming emotional or angry quickly
- Insomnia or problems with sleep
- Feelings of sadness, sorrow or hopelessness
- Not maintaining your own personal physician appointments
- Relying on unhealthy habits such as too much caffeine, smoking or drinking
- Not keeping up with your own exercise program
- Inability to find time to prepare healthy meals and snacks
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Withdrawing from hobbies and groups you’ve always enjoyed
- Feeling angry with or resentful of your spouse
- Losing touch with extended family members or friends
- Feeling frustrated and angry more frequently
- Unintended weight gain or weight loss
If you identify with more than one or two of these warning signs, it might be time to take a short-term break from caregiving or maybe even time to accept that you need help with your responsibilities on a long-term basis. If there aren’t any other family members that can help pitch in, you could consider respite care at an assisted living community. A short-term “respite” stay for your loved one allows you much needed time to rest and recharge your own health. Your loved one can stay at the community for a few days up to one month. If you live in Michigan and have questions about Short-term stays, our FAQ Section may be of help.
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by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 31, 2014 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My brother and I will be visiting our elderly mother to tackle the topic of senior living this month. She lives in Holland, Michigan and we both live out of state. When we were visiting with her during the holidays, it was obvious to us that it is time for her to move. She just isn’t safe living alone any longer. We are concerned about how much this will all cost. While she isn’t a low income senior she does live on a fixed income. How do most families pay for assisted living in Michigan? We are trying to get our research done before we head back to our mother’s house this month.
Kristina
Dear Kristina:
It is a great idea to spend some time researching your options before you talk with your mother, and paying for care is usually one of the first questions we hear. Adult children from across the state of Michigan call our communities every day with your same concerns. The good news is that affordable senior housing is possible. Paying for a quality senior care solution for a loved one doesn’t mean an adult child has to mortgage everything they own. In fact, most families use a combination of resources to finance senior housing. They can include:
- Long-term care insurance: Many adult children overlook this when trying to finance in-home care or assisted living. They think the policy only covers a nursing home stay. In fact, many pay for other levels of care. Be sure to check in to this if your mother has a policy.
- Veteran’s Aid & Attendance Benefit: This is additional money available for veterans and/or a surviving spouse who qualify. If your father was a veteran or your mother is one, this is a great avenue to explore.
- MI Choice: Often referred to as the “waiver” program, it is designed to help Michigan residents who meet certain income and asset criteria finance senior care. If an elderly resident in Michigan qualifies, it can help with assisted living expenses.
- Life settlement solutions: These programs allow the elderly to sell an active life insurance policy for a cash amount greater than the surrender value but less than the face value or death benefit.
- Senior living line of credit: Several companies that offer these types of loans to help finance senior living. These short-term loans can be used, for example, while waiting for the sale of a home to be completed or a better time to liquidate an asset.
- Private funds: Most families do have to use at least some private funds to pay for an assisted living community for a senior loved one. It is typically money from savings, investments or the sale of a home
We hope this helps you, Kristina! We encourage you or your brother to call one of our local Michigan communities, including one we have near your mother in Holland, if you have any more questions.
Donna
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by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 16, 2014 | Caregiving, Uncategorized
Adult children often have difficulty discussing financial matters with an aging loved one. In many families, finances just aren’t discussed. Now, as a senior loved one grows older, those conversations are more and more important ones to have. Do you know if they have a will or durable power of attorney and where you might find those documents? In the event of a crisis, would you know what bills your parent has that might need to be paid? Many times an elder crisis is caused by a gradual decline that you see coming, but often times there is no warning. A slip on an icy Michigan sidewalk can send an aging loved one to the hospital and then to rehab. Would you be able to locate the financial and medical documents you need to help them?
To make it easier to get started, we have pulled together a list of basic questions to ask your senior loved one before a crisis occurs.
Important Documents and Medical Cards
- Where is their Medicare card?
- Do they still have traditional Medicare or have they gone with a Medicare replacement product? If they have, what is the company name and where is the card?
- Do they have any type of secondary insurance? If so, what company is it with and where is that card?
- What is their social security number and where do they keep their card? (This is a good time to remind them that this should be stored in a safe place to avoid identify theft and not kept in a wallet or purse)
- Do they have a will? Who is the executor? Is there an attorney involved?
- Where is their original birth certificate?
- Do they have any life insurance and/or long-term care policies?
- Do they have a Power of Attorney (POA) and/ Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)? Who have they named to represent their wishes? Where are these documents? (In the event of a crisis, it is important to have copies on hand and not have to wait for a bank to re-open on Monday should a crisis occur on a weekend.)
Managing Finances
- What banks do they use and what are their bank account numbers and passwords? Do they use online accounts?
- Are you or another loved one on the account with them? In the event of an emergency that would require you or another adult child to pay their bills for them would you have authority to do so?
- Do they have a safe deposit box? If so, where is it and where are the keys?
- What bills do they have and when do they pay them?
Assets
- Where is their mortgage information or deed to their house? What home owners insurance do they have?
- If they are still driving, is their car paid for in full? Where is the title to the vehicle? Who is it insured through?
- Do they have a list of their stocks, bonds, and other accounts?
Just the thought of asking your senior loved one these questions might make you squirm. But the consequences of not knowing the answers may put your loved one at risk of not getting the help they need and want in a crisis.
Have we missed anything? Please share any questions we’ve missed in the comments below!
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by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 10, 2014 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
During our family visit to my mother’s house in Traverse City, Michigan over the holidays, I came to the conclusion that she just isn’t safe living alone any longer. The change in her condition from last year to this year is quite dramatic. I was so shocked to see how much has changed! Mom has lost a lot of weight, her house was a mess and she is always forgetting to take her heart medications.
I know now that I need to find a senior living community in northern Michigan for her to move to this winter. I’m just not sure what to look for and where to start. Can you offer me any advice? One question I’m wondering about is whether or not I should visit some of the communities before I talk with my mom about moving.
Patty
Dear Patty:
I’m sure there are a considerable number of adult children who came to the same conclusion about their aging parent over the holidays. Many transitions to senior living communities begin at the prompting of an adult child.
Your question about when to involve your mother is one we hear quite often from families who are first beginning this search. The question is a tough one to answer because it really depends upon your personal situation.
If you think making a move is something your mother is ready for and may welcome, it is probably best to involve her right from the start. Some adult children we work with are surprised at how willing their parent is to move, especially those who have become fearful of living alone.
On the other hand if you feel your mother will be resistant, it may help to educate yourself on senior living and explore options before you tackle the topic with her. By eliminating some of the assisted living communities you know won’t work for her and narrowing the choices to those that might, you can make the process easier for her.
Here are a few factors to take in to consideration as you begin your search for care for a Michigan senior loved one:
- What is important to them? For example, do they have a pet they won’t move without? Do they want to be close to their church or to where their grandchildren are?
- Can a community accommodate their care needs now and in to the future? That is always a good question to ask the staff at each of the communities you talk with during your search. The last thing you want to have to do is move your mother again in a few months because she needs more care.
- How much space will they realistically need? This can be a real sticking point for some seniors, especially if they are moving from a large home. What do they really want and need to be able to take with them when they move?
- What type of environment will best suit their personality? Do they like to dress more formally for dinner or are they more comfortable in jeans and sneakers?
- Will they need transportation to physician appointments and for other errands? Assisted living communities all offer different types of transportation and at different prices.
I hope this helps you get started in your search, Patty. Please feel free to call one of the Heritage Senior Living communities if you need additional advice or guidance!
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Dec 31, 2013 | Caregiving, Healthy Aging, Uncategorized
For readers of our blog that are family caregivers, we have an idea for 2014 we would like to share with you. We know that your role as caregiver for someone you love creates considerable stress for you every day. The job is physically exhausting and emotionally challenging. As we head in to a New Year instead of making New Year’s resolutions you probably won’t have time to keep, consider adopting one little word.
The One Little Word Project was created seven years ago by author Ali Edwards. Edwards felt that by adopting one simple word for the year, she would be able to keep her life centered. Her word would give her focus as she went about her daily life. Her project has taken on a life of its own and been widely adopted by individuals ranging from physicians and nurses to emergency services workers.
In lieu of a making a list of resolutions this New Year’s Eve, pick one word that summarizes your goal for 2014. Own that word throughout all of the year. If you are feeling overwhelmed by your caregiver duties or sad about the change in health you see in your loved one, focus on your word.
How can you get started?
Think about what you hope for in 2014.
- Are you trying to be grateful for each day you have with an elderly loved one and live in the moment? Maybe your word could be PURPOSEFUL.
- Struggling to convince yourself that good enough will do as you juggle all of your roles in life? Try adopting ACCEPTANCE as your word in 2014.
- Trying to let go of worrying too much about things you can’t control? Make your word BELIEVE.
Get the idea? Think about your struggles and your hopes and pick a word. If you keep this up year after year, your word may begin to find you.
We’d love to hear from some of you who adopt a word! Please share your journey with us next year…
