by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Mar 10, 2017 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My 80-year old mother has been managing her finances on her own since my father passed three years ago. We often go over and help her with maintenance and housekeeping, but it’s important to her to be in control and independent.
I recently discovered that my mother was the victim of a telephone scam about five months ago. Someone called her pretending to be one of her grandsons who was away at college. The scammer told my mother he was in trouble and needed money wired to him immediately. My mom fell for it and sent him a significant amount of her savings.
After she realized what had happened, she kept it to herself. We only just figured out what happened because she delayed having a new roof put on her house. She said she was a little short of money even though I knew she shouldn’t be.
I called the local police and they came out and filed a report. But because so much time has passed, they aren’t very confident they will be able to track these guys down.
I don’t understand why my mom wouldn’t tell us. And I’m not sure how we can keep this from happening again.
Any advice?
Kind Regards,
Leigh Ann
Why Seniors Don’t Report Being a Victim of Fraud
Dear Leigh Ann:
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s situation! Our seniors are often targeted for scams and fraud for many reasons.
Sometimes it is because an older adult lives with a chronic health condition that makes it more difficult to keep up with home maintenance and repairs. As a result, they may have to turn to strangers for assistance. Roofing, windows and driveway sealing are three areas where seniors are often the victims of a scam.
Loneliness may also put them at risk. Because an older adult may live alone and feel isolated, they might be more willing to spend time on the phone with someone they don’t know. It puts them at higher risk for becoming the victim of a telemarketing scam.
And the grandparent scam your mother was the victim of is becoming increasingly common. It plays on the very special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.
AARP estimates that as many as 20% of our nation’s seniors have been the victim of some type of fraud. That number is considered to be low since many older adults, like your mother, are just too embarrassed to admit they have fallen victim to a scam.
Seniors also fail to report these crimes because they fear their families will think they are incapable of making their own decisions or that they will cause their children to worry about them.
A few tips we share with older adults near Heritage Senior Communities in Michigan are ones you can use to try to prevent your mother from becoming a victim again including:
- Identify Theft: Help your mom find a safe place to store important identifying information, such as her social security card and Medicare/insurance cards. While many older women keep them in their purse, these cards should actually be kept locked up. Gaining access to one of these cards makes it easy for scammers to steal your mother’s identity and apply for credit cards, car loans and more.
- Door-to-Door Scams: Scammers often target neighborhoods where they know the concentration of older adults is high. Remind your mother not to sign anything or give anyone money before you are able to check them out using online review sites such as Angie’s list and the Better Business Bureau. These fraudulent companies will pressure seniors by offering them too good to be true deals that must be accepted on the spot. Warn your mother that this type of behavior is a red flag that this isn’t a legitimate company.
- Do Not Call Registry: Much of the financial abuse against seniors comes in the form of telemarketing scams. Be sure your mother is on the Do Not Call Registry for both her home and cell phone numbers. While it won’t eliminate all risk for telemarketing fraud, it will likely reduce it.
I hope this helps, Leigh Ann!
Kind Regards,
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jan 24, 2017 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna,
My mother is 82 years old and living at home. We have recently begun discussing assisted living and other senior living community options in case she needs them in the future. Mom is currently in good health, and she has stated that she would very much prefer to stay in the same house she has lived in for the past 50 years.
I want to make sure she is both happy and comfortable when it comes to her future living arrangements. I’ve heard of the phrase “aging in place.” Can you explain what that means, and whether it might be an option for my mother?
Sincerely,
Debra in Dearborn
Is Aging in Place a Viable Option
Dear Debra,
I’m glad that you and your mother are being proactive about her future needs. It’s always a good idea to start early when exploring senior living options in Michigan—even if though your mom’s goal is to remain living in her own home.
The Centers for Disease Control define the term “aging in place” as “the ability to live in one’s own home and community safely, independently, and comfortably, regardless of age, income, or ability level.”
Many seniors would prefer to stay in their own homes during their retirement years, as the familiar environment provides a great deal of comfort to them. This could very well be a viable option for your mother, provided you give some thought to a few important issues.
Is her house senior friendly?
You mentioned that your mom is in good health, which can make it much easier for her to stay in her current location. However, it’s important to consider that there might come a day when she is not as healthy or as mobile as she is now. If she lives in large, multi-story home, it will make moving around much harder than if she were in a single-level home or perhaps an apartment or condo. This is why many seniors opt to downsize their homes during their retirement years, choosing smaller layouts that allow for better accessibility.
If your mother doesn’t like the idea of giving up her home, then take a realistic look at her current residence. It might be possible to make some home renovations that will make living in the same space both easier and safer for your mother, such as installing a shower instead of a tub in the bathroom for more accessible bathing.
Do family members live nearby?
Aging in place becomes a much more viable option when your loved one has a support network nearby. If you or other family members live in the area, then it might be possible for you to take turns checking in on your mom on a regular basis.
If family doesn’t live nearby, you may be able to enlist the support of an in-home care aide to visit your mother for regular wellness checks. It might also be a good idea to hire a housekeeping service to help with keeping your mother’s home clean and organized.
Additionally, a local church or nonprofit organization might have volunteers willing to help out with things like shoveling snow or running errands.
What type of budget does your mother have?
Keep in mind that the expenses associated with providing all of these services can add up to be more than it would cost for your mother to move to a senior living community. So it’s important that you have an open and honest discussion about finances when you are creating a plan for the future.
Aging in place can be a good option for seniors, provided there is enough support in place to make staying at home a convenience rather than a burden. I hope this information is helpful, Debra! Good luck to you and your mom.
Sincerely,
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Nov 18, 2016 | Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
I am heading home to mid-Michigan to visit my mom for the holidays. When I was there this summer, I was a little concerned that she might be developing Alzheimer’s disease. I saw small changes in her that have kept me wondering and worrying. Especially with regard to her memory. She has gotten to be so forgetful!
How do I know if these are normal signs of aging or something more serious?
Kind Regards,
Tim
Is This Normal Aging or Something More?
Dear Tim:
What a great question! Small memory lapses happen to all of us. As we age, they may happen more frequently. It often leads families to become concerned that it is an early sign of Alzheimer’s disease.
Although memory loss isn’t always an issue for seniors, it often is. But there are signs that can indicate the problem is more serious than just age-related forgetfulness.
Signs of Memory Loss Related to Alzheimer’s Disease
First, it’s important to understand that there is a difference between forgetting where you put your keys and forgetting how to drive your car to the grocery store. If your mom is struggling to perform activities she’s done countless times before, it’s time to speak to a doctor about her symptoms.
Here are other common signs of Alzheimer’s-related memory loss:
- Feeling disoriented, even in familiar places, can be a concern
- Repeating words or sharing the same stories during the a conversation
- Unable to keep up with the flow of conversation
- Using the wrong words or garbling words (Note: this can also be a sign a person is having a stroke)
- Forgetting how to behave in social situations
- Making poor decisions or having lapses in judgment
Another common sign of Alzheimer’s is being unable to remember something you’ve forgotten later. So if your mom not only forgot to go to her doctor’s appointment, but forgot she even had an appointment, it might be a warning sign of something more than normal aging.
While Alzheimer’s is irreversible, getting your mom to her physician early in the process may allow for interventions that can help slow the progression of the disease.
I hope this information is helpful, Tina! If you have more questions about Alzheimer’s, please feel free to call the Heritage Senior Community nearest to your mom’s home in Michigan. Our team will be happy to help!
Sincerely,
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Nov 2, 2016 | Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
Since our father passed away unexpectedly last spring, my brother and I have been trying to fill in and complete the chores and tasks our dad always handled. Because Mom lives in Michigan, we know it’s important to make sure her car is in good shape before the winter winds blow. I will be visiting her next week and I’d like to be able to cross that item off my list of things to do.
That catch is… I live in sunny southern Florida where we don’t need to worry about winterizing the car.
Do you have any tips I can use? I would appreciate any advice!
Sincerely,
Georgia
How to Prepare a Senior’s Car for Winter in Michigan
Dear Georgia:
You are right! Michigan winters can indeed be tough on vehicles. And it is important to take time to get your Mom’s car ready.
I spent a little time researching some of our favorite senior resources and found a few tips you might find helpful:
- Schedule a Check Up: Helping your mother winterize her car should start with scheduling an appointment for an oil change and tune-up. You might want to can set that up before you head north so you can be sure the repair shot can fit you in. Ask the mechanic to make sure he tops off her fluids (including anti-freeze), examines the condition of her wiper blades and replaces the air filter if it needs it. Also request that he check the tread on the tires. Worn out tires need to be replaced before your mom hits the road on a snowy day.
- Stock Up on Lock De-Icer: If you’ve spent any time in the Great Lake state during the winter months, you may have experienced frozen door locks. You head in to the grocery store to pick up a few things and when you come out, the locks on the car are frozen and you can’t open the door. While you are with your mom, buy a few cans of de-ice. Encourage her to keep one with her all the time whether it is in a coat pocket or her purse. This will help her avoid being stuck without transportation when she is away from home.
- Pack Emergency Supplies: Create two “winter emergency kits” for your mom during your visit. One will stay in a closet at her house, and the other will be stored in the back seat of her car. Include water, non-perishable food items, blankets and warm clothing, a flashlight with extra batteries and even a stash of her medication in a locked container. An extra cell phone battery is also helpful to have. In the event your mom is stranded in her home or car, she will have enough supplies to last until help arrives.
- On-Going Vehicle Winter Safety: There are a few other items your mom will need to monitor throughout the winter to make sure her vehicle stays in good shape. One is to check the tire pressure anytime the weather changes significantly. Another is to keep her windshield wiper fluid topped off. If your mom needs help doing this when you aren’t around, see if there is a friendly neighbor who might help out. If not, speak with the mechanic to see if he can handle these tasks for her during the winter months.
I hope these tips are helpful, Georgia! Safe travels back home to see your mom.
Kind Regards,
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Oct 30, 2016 | Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My husband and I will be visiting my parents in Saginaw, Michigan next month. We only live a few hours away but our work hours and kids school activities make it difficult for us to make the trip as often as we would like.
I know the time is getting close for us to talk with my parents about moving to a senior living community. But we are trying to hold off on making that decision until next spring.
Because my Dad is struggling to keep up with some of the seasonal tasks he’s always used to perform, my husband and I are going to try to get some things done around the house for them.
We want to make sure we don’t forget anything that should be done to winterize their house. Do you have a list of suggestions we can use?
Sincerely,
Sierra
Preparing a Senior for Winter in Michigan
Dear Sierra:
Early fall is a great time to start preparing a senior’s loved one’s home for the often brutal Michigan winters. Storms can blow up quickly in the Great Lake State so it’s good to be ready.
Here are a few tips to help:
- Have the furnace inspected: From carbon monoxide to fires, problems with the furnace can be deadly. It’s why you should engage the services of a heating professional to inspect the furnace before your parents use it for the first time. Maybe you can schedule the appointment for one of the days you will be visiting so you can make sure everything goes well.
- Check the alarms: Every home should have a working smoke detector on each level of the house and a carbon monoxide detector. Test these during your visit to see if the batteries are dead or if the unit itself needs to be replaced.
- Inspect doors and windows: Take time to look for places around windows and doors where warm air is escaping and cold air might be able to creep in. Identify any potential spots where weather stripping or caulk might need to be replaced before the cold winds blow.
- Turn off outdoor water sources: Don’t overlook turning off the water to outdoor spigots and draining hoses. This helps prevent pipes from bursting and causing a real mess for your parents.
- Winterize the car: If your parents are still driving, also make sure their car is ready for winter. Are windshield wiper blades in good shape? Do tires need to be replaced? Is an ice scraper in the car? Are their fluids full? Also help your parents to pack a supply bag to keep in the car in case of an emergency.
Our final tip is to sit down with your parents to make sure they have a plan in place to keep their sidewalks and driveway free from snow and ice. If they need help finding a reputable company or need assistance paying for it, check with their local Michigan Agency on Aging. They may have resources available.
I hope this information is helpful, Sierra! Good luck getting your parents ready for winter.
Best Regards,
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Aug 30, 2016 | Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My parents live about four hours away from us in Saginaw, Michigan. We try to get there to visit about every other month, but we have young children who are involved in sports and many other after school activities. It makes our schedule during the school year more than a little crazy!
Lately I’ve noticed that my mother is trying to discourage us from visiting. She says she knows how busy we are and that they are doing just fine on their own. But when we were there over the weekend, I felt like there was more going on than she let on.
At first I thought maybe she wasn’t feeling well. After a few hours, however, I realized there was something different with my dad. I heard him up during the night prowling around the house. The next day he seemed quiet and even a little confused.
When I questioned my mom about it, she denied there was anything wrong. She claimed he hadn’t been sleeping well because of a new medication so he was tired.
I think he has Alzheimer’s disease. My husband and I aren’t sure what to do next. Do you have any advice?
Anna
When a Spouse is Hiding a Partner’s Dementia
Dear Anna:
It sounds like you might be right to be a little concerned about your dad’s behavior, but I wouldn’t necessarily leap to the conclusion that he has Alzheimer’s.
If he is taking a new medication, it might be a side effect just like your mother indicated. Or it could even be another issue such as a vitamin B-12 deficiency or an infection of some kind. On the other hand, it could be something more serious like Alzheimer’s.
It isn’t uncommon for spouses of many years to hide one another’s symptoms from adult children. They do so in a variety of ways including:
- Discouraging family visitors
- Finishing a spouse’s sentences when they are struggling for words
- Making excuses for unusual behaviors
A proper diagnosis is important no matter what the condition. If it is just an infection, a dose of antibiotics might return your father to his old self again. The same for a vitamin deficiency – correcting the problem might be fairly simple.
The best person to make the call is your dad’s primary care physician. If you sit down and explain to your mom that it might not be something serious, she may be less fearful and more cooperative in scheduling a physical exam for your father.
Best of luck to you and your parents, Anna! I hope your father’s doctor can help you get him back on a healthy track.
Sincerely,
Donna
