What questions Should I ask on My Assisted Living Tour?

by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Aug 28, 2017 | Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

I am searching for an assisted living community for my mother and I know it’s important to visit and take tours. However, I don’t just want to see the building and grounds. I want to be sure I come away from the tour having learned what I need to know.

The problem is I’m not sure what that is! How should I prepare? What questions should I ask? Help!!

-Sheila in Saginaw

Questions Families Must Ask on an Assisted Living Tour

Dear Sheila,

You are definitely on the right track in wanting to ask good questions during your assisted living tour! Sounds like you just need a few questions to get going.

Assisted living tours are the best way for caregivers and their senior loved ones to get a feel for a particular community. Seeing the living spaces in person is important. But the real insight you’ll gain from your visit comes from the people you will meet.

Only from talking to the people who live and work at an assisted living community can you get a true sense of whether or not it is a good fit for a senior.

Questions to Ask When You’re On an Assisted Living Tour

You’re there to get a true picture of what it’s like to live in an assisted living community, so here are the three of the most important questions to ask.

1. What services are available?

Some assisted living centers are stand-alone communities while others are part of a continuum of care. The additional levels of care at the community might include memory care, respite care, and independent living. Some families prefer this continuum of services so if their senior loved one’s needs change down the road, they won’t have to move again.

2. What programs and activities are available?

Assisted living isn’t just about getting help with the tasks of daily living. It’s also about living a healthy lifestyle filled with enriching activities, programs, and events. So it is important to ask what sort of life enrichment activities and wellness programs there are each day. Also ask about special events and outings to local restaurants, parks and other attractions.

Another dimension to wellness is whether staff encourages residents to participate in programs and activities. You’ll want to talk to staff directly to learn more about the community’s wellness model and whether it includes personalized attention to case management.

3. What staff members are on-site throughout the day (and night)?

The staff-to-resident ratio can vary from community to community, so this is an important area to investigate. Also, you’ll want to ask how many nurses are on hand at any given moment, and how often a doctor visits the community.

Don’t forget to ask about staff training and turnover, too. It’s usually a very strong indicator of the quality of care and services residents receive. If the staff is always coming and going, it’s going to be hard for them to get to know your senior loved one and their needs.

More Questions and a Checklist for Your Assisted Living Tour

The AARP maintains a comprehensive checklist for caregivers and their senior loved ones to use when they’re visiting assisted living communities. I’d recommend printing it out and using it before and during your tour.

Visit and Experience Heritage Senior Communities

At Heritage Senior Communities, we love visitors! We always encourage families to come for a tour, meet our staff and stay for lunch if you can.

There are Heritage Senior Communities located across the state of Michigan and in northern Indiana. Each offers a range of services, including assisted living care, independent senior living, dementia care, and short-term respite stays. Visit us online to find a Heritage community near you and schedule a tour.

I hope this helps, Sheila!

Kind Regards,

Donna

How Can I Help my Newly Single Mother Make New Friends?

by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Aug 2, 2017 | Dear Donna

My father passed away about six months ago, and my mother seems to be struggling with loneliness. My parents always did everything together, from cooking meals to weekly yard work. Now that my dad is gone, my mom isn’t adjusting to single life as well as I’d hoped.

I know she’s still grieving for my dad, and that she misses him a lot. We all do. But I hate to see her spending more time in front of the TV, and less time out doing fun things that would make her happy. I’ve tried suggest that she get out and make new friends, but I don’t want to be pushy.

Do you have any suggestions for things I could try? I would love to get mom back into the social swing of things.

Regards,

Kimberly in Lansing, Michigan

Dear Kimberly,

Thank you for your question. This is a dilemma that many older adults face when they lose a spouse or life partner. For many it feels like they’re starting their social lives over, which can be very daunting. Thankfully, there are lots of options available for jump starting a social life again.

Here are a few things you can suggest that may help your mother.

Helping a Parent Rebuild Their Social Circle

Reconnect with Old Friends

The internet offers wonderful opportunities for reconnecting with childhood friends and staying in town with loved ones near and far. There are several social media sites that would provide your mother with an easy way to find people she may have lost touch with years ago. Facebook is an especially popular social media channel for older adults to connect (and reconnect!) with friends and loved ones.

AARP notes that for adults who didn’t grow up in the ‘digital age,” technology can sometimes be frustrating. For aging loved ones who are hesitant to embrace the digital world, reconnecting with long-lost friends may be a great incentive to get started. If your mother seems reluctant, it may be that she’s not comfortable with her computer. Spending a little time showing her the ropes —including Facebook’s security and privacy settings — could help her get started.

Follow your Passions

Finding others who enjoy the same interests and hobbies is a great way to make new friends. You mentioned that your parents used to cook and do yard work together. Perhaps finding a local gardening club or a baking group would give her a chance to meet others with similar interests.

Ask your Mom if there’s something she’s always wanted to try, like wine tasting, photography or ceramics. Finding new things to try will provide opportunities to meet new people. Sometimes all a new friendship needs to blossom is a shared hobby.

Fitness with Friends

Exercise is critical to staying healthy, particularly as we age. The Mayo Clinic says that we naturally lose both muscle and strength as we age, which is why regular exercise is so important. But exercise is always more fun when you do it with friends!

If your mom doesn’t already have a regular exercise routine, you could suggest that she join a gym. If a gym membership isn’t in the budget, look into local walking clubs or classes offered at your local community center. Many offer a variety of inexpensive exercise classes, like:

• Water aerobics
• Tai Chi
• Gentle yoga

This would offer your mother the double benefit of both regular exercise, and a chance to meet new people.

Keep Other Needs in Mind

Be aware that your mom may still be coping with grief or even depression that can require more than just new friendships to move forward. Losing a beloved spouse is tough, and some seniors need more than just time to heal. If your mom is really struggling to find happiness in daily life, encourage her to talk to her doctor.

Also, daily home maintenance gets harder as we age. With the recent loss of your dad, your mom may be facing new challenges around the house. This could mean more work for her, and less time to socialize. I know it can be a very hard subject to discuss, but if your mom is having a hard time managing alone, it may be time to talk about senior living options in Michigan.

I wish you the best, and hope your mom is able to find fulfilling ways to meet people and make new friends.

Donna

Talking with an Older Driver about Hanging Up the Car Keys

by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Apr 18, 2017 | Dear Donna

Dear Donna,

My mother is 78 years old and drives herself everywhere she needs to go. Although she hasn’t had any accidents yet, I’m concerned that she poses a danger to herself and others on the road. There have been a lot of news stories lately about older drivers who have run stop signs and ended up in serious accidents.

I want her to give up driving, but I don’t know how to broach the subject. How do I talk to her about hanging up her car keys? I have no idea where to begin.

I am envisioning this being a tough conversation and hoping you can help me find the right the words.

Thanks,

Meg

Advice for Encouraging a Senior to Hang Up the Car Keys

Hi Meg,

Thank you for your question. It’s a tough one, for sure! It’s difficult because it touches on a very tricky subject between older adults and caregivers like you, who want to do right by their loved ones. It’s great that you recognize the gravity of this matter and the importance of finding the right way to bring up the subject with your mother.

I’ll start right off by saying there’s no easy answer here. Unfortunately, it’s not just about driving. The topic goes much deeper into the issues involved with getting older.

You see driving is associated with independence, especially for seniors who live in rural areas across Michigan where public transportation isn’t always an option. Driving is often the only obvious way to get around. If your mother hangs up her car keys for good, she may feel like she’s lost her independence.

To further complicate the matter, even aging experts lack any sort of standard recommendation for when it’s time for an older adult to hang up the keys. Because aging affects everyone differently, it can’t drive this decision.

I can show you some facts and tips to help you arrive at a good decision.

Some Surprising Stats About Older Drivers

A 2011 study showed actual declines in fatal crashes involving older drivers from 1970 to 2006. What’s more, the decline was substantial. For drivers 70 and older, fatal crash involvement declined 37 percent. That’s a larger improvement than any other age group.

Not only that, but property-damage-only crashes also declined for drivers over 70, while they increased for middle-aged drivers.

Another study showed a continuation of that decline in fatal crash involvements for drivers 70 and older. Rates fell from 19.29 in 1997 to 12.01 in 2014. That study comes to us from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, who says older drivers are mostly a danger to themselves. If someone is frail, they are more likely to suffer extensive personal injuries in a car crash.

Older drivers have surprisingly low rates of crashes (at least those which are reported to the police). In fact, pedestrians, bicyclists, motorcyclists and passengers in other vehicles are more likely to die in crashes involving drivers 30-59 than drivers 60 and older.

Tips for Recognizing When it’s Time to Hang up the Keys

So I will ask you, is there something about your mother’s driving that is causing you concern, or are you simply worried because she’s 78?

If you are having a tough time deciding what is worrying you, here are a few signs to watch out for:

• Many “close calls” and/or tickets
• Evidence of lots of “fender benders”
• Getting lost
• Difficulty seeing
• Slow response time
• Road rage
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty twisting or turning upper body

In addition, if your mother is experiencing muscular weakness and limited flexibility, she may have trouble gripping and turning the wheel properly.

Absent any of these warning signs, it might be hard for you to make a case with your mother about hanging up those keys. Some states require older drivers to take road tests or apply for licenses more often, but older drivers in Michigan are not treated any differently than the rest of the population.

Your best bet is to use the checklist above to guide your decision. It will become increasingly important as your mother turns 80 in a couple of years. Until then, keep an eye on her habits, look for dings in her bumper, and talk to her about what you may do “someday” when she has to stop driving.

–Donna

Want more answers on important topics for seniors? View our blog for more “Dear Donna” letters from our readers.

Why Michigan Seniors Don’t Always Report Being Victims of Fraud

by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Mar 10, 2017 | Dear Donna

Dear Donna:

My 80-year old mother has been managing her finances on her own since my father passed three years ago. We often go over and help her with maintenance and housekeeping, but it’s important to her to be in control and independent.

I recently discovered that my mother was the victim of a telephone scam about five months ago. Someone called her pretending to be one of her grandsons who was away at college. The scammer told my mother he was in trouble and needed money wired to him immediately. My mom fell for it and sent him a significant amount of her savings.

After she realized what had happened, she kept it to herself. We only just figured out what happened because she delayed having a new roof put on her house. She said she was a little short of money even though I knew she shouldn’t be.

I called the local police and they came out and filed a report. But because so much time has passed, they aren’t very confident they will be able to track these guys down.

I don’t understand why my mom wouldn’t tell us. And I’m not sure how we can keep this from happening again.

Any advice?

Kind Regards,

Leigh Ann

Why Seniors Don’t Report Being a Victim of Fraud

Dear Leigh Ann:

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s situation! Our seniors are often targeted for scams and fraud for many reasons.

Sometimes it is because an older adult lives with a chronic health condition that makes it more difficult to keep up with home maintenance and repairs. As a result, they may have to turn to strangers for assistance. Roofing, windows and driveway sealing are three areas where seniors are often the victims of a scam.

Loneliness may also put them at risk. Because an older adult may live alone and feel isolated, they might be more willing to spend time on the phone with someone they don’t know. It puts them at higher risk for becoming the victim of a telemarketing scam.

And the grandparent scam your mother was the victim of is becoming increasingly common. It plays on the very special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

AARP estimates that as many as 20% of our nation’s seniors have been the victim of some type of fraud. That number is considered to be low since many older adults, like your mother, are just too embarrassed to admit they have fallen victim to a scam.

Seniors also fail to report these crimes because they fear their families will think they are incapable of making their own decisions or that they will cause their children to worry about them.

A few tips we share with older adults near Heritage Senior Communities in Michigan are ones you can use to try to prevent your mother from becoming a victim again including:

• Identify Theft: Help your mom find a safe place to store important identifying information, such as her social security card and Medicare/insurance cards. While many older women keep them in their purse, these cards should actually be kept locked up. Gaining access to one of these cards makes it easy for scammers to steal your mother’s identity and apply for credit cards, car loans and more.
• Door-to-Door Scams: Scammers often target neighborhoods where they know the concentration of older adults is high. Remind your mother not to sign anything or give anyone money before you are able to check them out using online review sites such as Angie’s list and the Better Business Bureau. These fraudulent companies will pressure seniors by offering them too good to be true deals that must be accepted on the spot. Warn your mother that this type of behavior is a red flag that this isn’t a legitimate company.
• Do Not Call Registry: Much of the financial abuse against seniors comes in the form of telemarketing scams. Be sure your mother is on the Do Not Call Registry for both her home and cell phone numbers. While it won’t eliminate all risk for telemarketing fraud, it will likely reduce it.

I hope this helps, Leigh Ann!

Kind Regards,

Donna