by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Oct 6, 2015 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My mother is 81 years old and lives alone in her home near Holland, Michigan. Over the past year she has been in and out of the emergency room more times than I can even count! The issues have ranged from being dehydrated to several falls to a bad case of the flu.
We are struggling to convince our mother to take better care of herself. My sister or I deliver homemade, frozen meals and a big salad to her once a week. She would only need to heat up the dinners in the microwave and put the salad in a bowl at meal time. But she just won’t do it. Most days she lives on peanut butter toast, cereal and lunchmeat.
We really think the time has come to insist that she move to a safer type of senior housing. I think if she just ate better many of her problems would resolve on their own. I know she doesn’t want to keep going to the emergency room. All the trips back and forth have really worn her out.
Can an assisted living community help us get her back on a healthier track? I really don’t think she needs to be in a nursing home.
Anna in Kalamazoo
Dear Anna:
It sounds like your family has had a very difficult year! The situation is unfortunately all too common. For many seniors, maintaining good nutrition is a real challenge. In some cases it is because the older adult doesn’t have transportation to and from the grocery store or they have a health condition that makes preparing meals difficult.
Poor nutrition in seniors can create many of the circumstances you described. It can lead to a weakened immune system and put her at higher risk for the flu bug that landed her in the house, as well as muscle weakness that may have contributed to her falls.
The good news is an assisted living community may be an ideal solution! Your mother would receive three well-balanced meals each day and the opportunity to enjoy them restaurant-style in the community’s dining room. The social aspect of spending meal times with her peers might encourage her to eat more, too. She would also have the opportunity to participate in fitness and life enrichment programs that may help her improve her overall wellness.
It might be a good idea for you to visit a few assisted living communities in the Grand Haven and Holland areas on your own first. Once you have an idea about what each of them offers and which ones might be a good fit for your mother, you could return again with her.
Best of luck to you and your family, Anna! I hope your mother can get settled in an assisted living community soon and begin to get her health back on track.
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Sep 30, 2015 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My father lives in southwest Michigan. He’s been on his own for a few years now since my mother passed away. Dad had been the primary caregiver for my Mom for about six years before her death. Since he has been on his own, he doesn’t seem to be getting out much. When I try to talk with him about it, he gets a little annoyed with me. The best I’ve been able to determine is that he doesn’t like to drive any longer and that he doesn’t feel like he has much purpose in life. I know he misses my Mom, and caring for her kept him very busy.
When I talked with our family doctor about it (she is also my Dad’s doctor) she suggested he might be happier in an independent living community where there is a lot to do each day. Somehow he has the idea that these communities are mostly for widows after their husbands pass away. I guess I’m a little confused about independent living, too. How would my Dad really benefit from this type of move?
Kathy in Grand Haven, Michigan
Dear Kathy:
It’s unfortunately all too common to see the surviving spouse —especially if they have been a long-term caregiver — struggle to build a new life. As you probably know from watching your parents, caregiving is a full-time plus job. To go from being so busy to having whole days to fill can be a big adjustment.
Your father’s feelings about women and senior living are not without merit. Experts say the ratio of women to men in an assisted living community can be as high as 7:1. The simple fact is most women live longer than men. On average, women outlive men by 5 – 7 years. It is important to note, however, that most senior living communities realize men feel this way and are working hard to overcome that stereotype. They are incorporating more masculine décor, offering programs specifically directed at male residents and more.
Your family physician’s suggestion sounds like a good one to consider! If your father chose to move to an independent living community he would benefit from:
- A full calendar of life enrichment activities to participate in each day
- Neighbors who have experienced similar struggles and losses and understand what your father is going through
- Transportation services to local shopping centers, community events, physician appointments and more
- A hassle-free lifestyle that includes all maintenance and housekeeping
- The option to purchase meal service at dinner time if he no longer wishes to cook for himself
I hope this helps give you a better understanding of independent living in Michigan, Kathy! I wish you and your Dad the best of luck as you make this decision.
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Aug 30, 2015 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My mother will soon celebrate her 88th birthday. Believe it or not, she still lives alone in her home near Grand Haven, Michigan. We are a few hours away but visit her often.
So far we have been able to help her maintain her independence with the use of a private home care aide. I think it might be time for something different now though.
While I think the aide can help her with bathing and dressing just fine, two things I’m most concerned about are that she is alone all night long and also that she is stuck in her house the majority of the time. She has difficulty navigating the steps on the front of her house and getting in and out of the car safely. Between her aide and myself, we do all of her errands and shopping. I think she feels very isolated, but we are afraid she will fall and hurt herself if we try to take her along with us.
I’m a little confused about what an assisted living community can offer that is different from the home care she already uses. Can you help clarify things for me?
Alison in Ann Arbor
Dear Alison:
Thank you for your note! We talk with families visiting our senior living communities across Michigan about this very issue every day. For many adult children, enlisting the services of a home care aide can be a good short-term solution. But when a parent needs a little more care or around the clock supervision, the cost of in-home care can quickly add up.
Here are a few of the benefits an assisted living community can offer residents:
- The privacy of their own apartment or suite in an environment designed to support elder safety. Grab bars, handrails, step-free showers and emergency call systems are standard.
- On-site life enrichment programs to help promote socialization and companionship.
- Caregivers on-site and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- Three well-balanced meals and snacks each day.
- Support with personal care needs such as bathing, dressing, and grooming.
- Medication management assistance.
- Housekeeping, laundry and maintenance services to allow for worry-free apartment living.
- Transportation services provided in an accessible bus.
As you can see, assisted living is a balance of independence and support.
We invite you to call us or stop in for a tour so you can learn more about assisted living as a solution for your mother!
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Jun 4, 2015 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My 82-year old father has arthritis. He’s lived with it for many years. I know he is really suffering from it but I can’t convince him to see the doctor. He says there is no cure for it so it is a waste of time and money. In all honesty, I’m not sure how many years it has been since my dad has even been to the doctor. He is very stubborn!
I saw a commercial on television about arthritis medication so I think there might be options for him. Any suggestions to offer?
Tami in Hudsonville, Michigan
Dear Tami:
It isn’t uncommon for older adults to be resistant to seeing a physician for a variety of reasons. But in this case, seeing a physician experienced at working with older adults who live with arthritis is the best way to relieve the pain it sounds like your father is feeling. While your dad is correct in saying there is no cure for arthritis, there are ways to manage it.
A physician can recommend treatment options ranging from pain relievers and steroids to physical therapy or aquatic therapy. Both of these therapies help strengthen and support the muscles around the damaged joint while improving range of motion. His doctor can also share information on the surprising role diet plays in preventing –or creating—the inflammation that makes the pain of arthritis worse.
The experts from the Arthritis Foundation offer the following advice on when someone with the disease should consult with a physician:
- When pain, swelling, or stiffness is present in one or more joints
- If joints appear reddened or warm to the touch
- When moving a joint is difficult or when symptoms inhibit everyday activities
In addition, the experts recommend making an appointment with a doctor if symptoms persist for more than three days or if your father has more than one battle with his arthritis in a month. A gerontologist or a rheumatologist might be the best choice.
We hope sharing this information with your father may help change his mind and convince him to seek medical attention!
Donna
Heritage Senior Communities newest community assisted living community in Holland, Michigan will open its doors to new residents in June.
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | May 28, 2015 | Caregiving, Dear Donna, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My brother and I both went home to visit our parents in western Michigan over the Easter holiday. Our Dad contracted pneumonia this past winter and is slowly been getting back on his feet. What my brother and I weren’t aware of until this visit is how bad my mother’s driving has become. Before this illness sidelined him, Dad was the primary driver.
We aren’t sure if there are ways to adapt their car to make driving easier for my Mom or if it is just time for her to hang up the keys. She has arthritis in her spine and I think it is a big part of her struggle. She just isn’t very flexible. With my brother and I both living far away, transportation would be a real challenge if neither of them can drive any longer.
Are you aware of any resources that can help us?
Anne
Dear Anne:
Concerns about an aging parent’s safety behind the wheel are at the top of the list of questions we hear from adult children. Many feel like you do. They know their aging parent needs to be able to get to physician appointments, the grocery store and more, but aren’t quite sure how to assess if their older loved one is safe.
We know it can be difficult to objectively evaluate if a senior driver might be fine driving during non-rush hour times, if driving aids can be utilized to help them adapt their car to accommodate the physical changes created by aging or if it is time to stop driving altogether.
Here are links to a few online resources you and your brother may find to be of help in evaluating your mother’s fitness for driving:
- Senior Driving: This site was created by AAA. It is rich with information that ranges from cars that are more senior-friendly to the AAA Interactive Driving Evaluation Online Test. The latter is a good tool to encourage both of your parents to take.
- Michigan’s Guide for Aging Drivers and Their Families: This free publication was developed by the Michigan Department of Transportation. In it you will find resources covering a variety of topics including a self-assessment tool, tips for having a conversation with a senior about giving up driving, and medical problems that put drivers at higher risk for an accident.
- Tools to Aid Older Drivers in Michigan: If you think a driving aid might make your mother safer behind the wheel, this article will be of interest. It shares suggestions such as a swivel seat cushion, mirror adapters, foot pedal extenders and more.
- Exercises to Help Older Michigan Drivers: This article shares exercises developed by MIT Age Lab and The Hartford Center for Mature Market Excellence. They are designed to help improve older drivers’ range of motion and flexibility. Both abilities are necessary for safe driving.
I hope this information is helpful to your family, Anne!
Donna
by trevor@addfuelfire.com | Feb 26, 2015 | Dear Donna, Healthy Aging, Uncategorized
Dear Donna:
My great aunt lives in a rural community near Grand Haven, Michigan. We made it up to see her during the holidays and I’ve been worried about her since we left. Physically she seems to be doing well. She is managing her medications on her own, is able to safely drive herself to the grocery store and necessary appointments, and prepare her own meals. But she doesn’t really do much else.
It feels like she is very isolated and lonely. While she was happy having our family around for a few days, my fear is that she is depressed. I think she needs to be around people more. She was always a very social person. My husband and I aren’t sure what to do to help her.
Calista in Ann Arbor, Michigan
Dear Calista:
You are probably right to be concerned about your great aunt’s well-being. In recent years, isolation among older adults has been proven to contribute to a variety of issues ranging from earlier mortality to malnutrition. Being isolated and lonely can also put a senior loved one at greater risk for becoming the victim of a fraud, especially door-to-door home repair scams.
If you are confident your great aunt is safe driving, you might want to begin by encouraging her to become involved in volunteer work. There is an organization called Volunteer Match you might want to explore on her behalf. The site allows you to search for volunteer opportunities by zip code and interest. If your aunt is a nature lover or children, for example, you can look for organizations near her who are seeking volunteers.
Senior centers are another great avenue for older adults to connect with their peers. You can find the one closest to her by visiting Michigan Association of Senior Centers. Members have the opportunity to participate in a wide range of events each month including Valentine’s Day luncheons, tax preparation workshops, and Chair Yoga. Most are free or relatively inexpensive.
A move to an independent living community might be another avenue to explore. Residents have their own private apartment or cottage, but still have friendship and support nearby. It gives older adults the opportunity to enjoy life enrichment activities, wellness programs, and transportation services. All without the worries about home repairs or maintenance tasks!
I hope this gives you a few ideas for helping your great aunt become more active and engaged with life.
Best regards,
Donna
Our newest community, The Village of Appledorn West in Holland, is open! If you or an older loved one would like to tour our independent living apartments or learn more about our assisted living community that will open in the spring of 2015, please stop by or call us at (616) 846-4700
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