Dear Donna,

My dad’s health recently took a turn for the worse. I want to take time off, but I am concerned I will lose my job.

My coworker said I should look in to the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). I thought that was for new parents.

What is FMLA, and how can it benefit other caregivers?

Sincerely,

Dorothy from Saline MI

How the Family and Medical Leave Act Can Help Family Caregivers

Dear Dorothy,

It is a common misconception that FMLA is just for new parents. That probably has to do with the fact that many people refer to it as maternity leave.

This act can actually be very beneficial to working family caregivers. Here’s how FMLA applies to caregivers, including the rights and protections it provides.

What is the Family and Medical Leave Act?

FMLA provides employees who meet specific requirements with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected time off each year. For the benefit to apply, the caregiver must be caring for an immediate family member with a serious health condition.

5 Ways FMLA Helps Caregivers

1. FMLA allows you time off to care for your loved ones.

If you are a family caregiver, you will probably need to miss some work. FMLA allows you to take up to 12 weeks off in a given year to care for a family member with a serious health condition.

The time off is unpaid, and the person you are caring for must be an immediate family member. That means in-laws are not included.

2. FMLA protects your health insurance.

FMLA protects your health insurance, including any family members on your plan. This is huge because health care is expensive without insurance. It’s a relief to know that you don’t have to worry about losing coverage unless you fail to pay your monthly premium.

3. FMLA protects your job.

Although FMLA allows you to take time off, you might still be concerned about losing your position. FMLA requires your employer to give you back your position (or one with the same level of responsibility) when you return.

4. FMLA can give you flexibility.

One of the best things about FMLA is that you aren’t required to take it all at once. You have the option to use it in intervals or work shorter shifts. This can be incredibly beneficial if you want to spread the time out or only take time off when you need to.

5. FMLA allows you to be there for your loved ones.

Most importantly, FMLA allows you to be there for your loved ones when they need it most.

I hope this helps you better understand FMLA and how it can benefit working caregivers.

When You Don’t Quality for FMLA

If you do not qualify for FMLA, you may want to consider looking in to assisted living for your loved one.

Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living location, provides support to families and seniors looking to transition to assisted living. Contact us for more information.

Sincerely,

Donna

The holidays are the busiest time of the year for most people. Caregivers, who already have an overbooked schedule, can quickly become overwhelmed with the added stress. The increased workload can cause them to put their own needs on hold, jeopardizing their health and that of their loved one.

Here are 5 ways respite care can help caregivers manage the busy holiday season.

5 Ways Respite Care Can Help Caregivers During the Holidays

What is respite care?

Respite care provides short-term relief for caregivers by temporarily taking over their normal caregiving responsibilities. Respite care can involve having a professional caregiver go to your loved one’s home, or having them stay in a senior living community like Heritage Senior Communities for anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks.

It can be an excellent option for caregivers who want to participate in holiday festivities without having to sacrifice their own well-being or that of the loved one they care for.

1. Reduce Stress

Respite care can alleviate some of the stress that comes along with caring for an aging loved one by allowing them to do something for themselves—even if it means doing nothing.

Having a few hours to relax and get some much-needed rest can make a world of a difference in their mood, health, and overall well-being.

2. Avoid Unnecessary Conflict

When you are overwhelmed, it’s not uncommon to lose your temper and lash out at people. This can be especially true with family members you feel aren’t pulling their weight when it comes to caring for your loved one.

Respite care can give you time to cool off and unwind. When you’re well rested, you are more likely to hold back your resentment and confront family members calmly.

3. Prevent Serious Complications From an Illness

When you are overly stressed, your immunity suffers. A strong immune system is critical during a busy time like the holiday season.

Not only can respite care help protect your immunity, but it can also provide your love one with a place to stay if you get sick. The last thing you want to do is spread your illness to an older adult.

4. Give You Peace of Mind

One of the best things about seeking respite care at an assisted living community is the “community” aspect.

Your loved one will be able to spend time with people their own age who are in similar situations. While you get a break, your loved one can make friends. Relationships and feeling connected to others is crucial for longevity and overall well-being.

5. Allow You to Enjoy the Holidays

Everyone deserves to enjoy the holiday season. Respite care can allow caregivers to do some of the activities they may have had to skip because of their caregiving duties, such as attend a holiday party or do some holiday shopping. Respite care can give caregivers the opportunity to do so.

Respite Care at Heritage Senior Communities

The holiday season may be the first time your family has seen your loved one in a while. During your time together, you may begin to talk about a senior living community as a more permanent situation. Respite care provides the perfect opportunity for your loved one to experience the community first-hand before committing to a more permanent stay.

Heritage Senior Communities offers respite care services such as adult day care and short-term stays. If you would like to learn more, call the Heritage community nearest you today.

Planning a trip with a senior loved one can be challenging. You want them to enjoy their experience and feel included. At same time, you want them to be safe.

While planning holiday travel, you may find yourself asking…

• Will it be fun for the entire family?
• Is it going to be difficult to get there?
• It is safe?

All of these questions can be daunting, especially if you’ve never planned a trip with an older adult. Here are a few things to consider when planning holiday travel with your senior loved one.

1. Be Considerate of Normal Age-Related Changes

When planning your trip, be mindful of the changes that occur with age. Your loved one may walk a little slower, tire faster, and require more breaks than the rest of your family.

You can be considerate by doing the following:

• Choose a hotel where everything is nearby to reduce the amount of walking.
• Book a non-stop flight for simplicity.
• Avoid traveling to places where the terrain is rough.
• Schedule lots of free time between activities to allow your loved one time to take breaks without feeling like they are missing out.

2. Be Proactive About Accommodations

Disabilities and mobility issues are common deterrents for planning a trip with older adults, but they don’t have to be. There are plenty of accommodations you can request to make your loved one’s experience safer and more comfortable. The trick is to request them early. Here are a few you may want to consider:

• Reserve an accessible hotel room. They fill up quick, so do this as soon as you know where you are staying.
• If you’re flying, notify the airline about your needs in advance. Will your loved one need a wheelchair or boarding assistance? Do they need to borrow a wheelchair from the airport, or will they bring their own?
• Inform the airline or cruise line of any dietary restrictions your loved one has. This will give them time to prepare and make sure they have food your loved one can eat.

3. Get Travel Arrangements Cleared With the Doctor

Once you figure out the logistics, get your travel plans cleared with your loved one’s doctor. You may want to ask about the following:

• If your loved one is okay to travel. If you are flying, let the doctor know. If you are going a cruise, tell them.
• Discuss medications. Are you traveling to a new time zone? Ask if they should modify the times they take their medication.
• Talk about vaccines. Are there any vaccinations they should get?
• Get a list of all medications and dosages. This will be extremely helpful if your loved one needs to refill a prescription while on vacation.

What to Do if Your Loved One Can’t Travel

• Consider bringing the family to them. If your loved one is not cleared to travel, consider bringing your family to them. They will appreciate you making the extra effort to include them.
• Schedule respite care. If travel is not possible or your loved one doesn’t feel comfortable traveling, you may want to consider respite care for the duration of the trip.

Most senior living communities offer respite care, including the Heritage Senior Communities locations across Michigan. To learn more about respite care, contact the Heritage community nearest you.

Dear Donna,

I have been a caregiver for my mother for three years; she is 86 and lives alone. At first, she just needed a little help around the house. But as her health declines, the amount of time I spend at her house increases.

Unfortunately, it is beginning to take a toll on my marriage. My husband is always complaining that we don’t spend enough time together. He got agitated when I had to cancel our weekly date nights, and he complains that I spend all my time with my mom.

Our limited time together doesn’t seem to be enough. How do I protect my marriage when I am the caregiver for a parent?

Sincerely,

Heather Jones, Saline, MI

Protecting Your Marriage When You Are a Caregiver

Dear Heather,

Caring for an aging parent requires time and energy. This can place a considerable strain on even the healthiest of marriages.

But just because you are a caregiver doesn’t mean your marriage has to suffer. Here’s how using love languages can help caregivers protect their marriage without sacrificing the quality of care they provide their parents.

Learn the 5 Love Languages

You may be familiar with love languages. This popular phrase was coined by Dr. Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. In his book, Dr. Chapman explains that there are five main ways that people express and receive love; each person communicates love differently.

The five love languages include the following:

1. Words of affirmation: Love is expressed with words that build up their confidence.
2. Quality time: Your partner needs to spend quality time together to feel loved.
3. Receiving gifts: Love is exchanged by giving and receiving gifts.
4. Acts of service: Your partner feels love when you help them with tasks.
5. Physical touch: Your partner needs to be touched to feel loved.

Chapman then explains that each person has a “love tank,” and to feel loved, the love tank needs to be regularly filled.

Identify Your Husband’s Love Language

Now that you are familiar with the five love languages, it’s time to figure out your husband’s love language. Here are a few ways you can do this.

1. Listen to what your partner complains about the most.

You can learn a lot about your husband’s love language by listening to the things he regularly complains about. For example, if he is saying things like, “You don’t acknowledge anything I do for you,” then his love language is probably words of affirmation.

Does he ask questions like, “Why don’t you cook dinner for me anymore?” If so, then he probably understands love through acts of service.

2. Pay attention to the way your partner shows you love.

People usually show love to others in the same way they would like to receive it. Pay attention to the things your husband does for you to show you he loves you.

Since he often comments about the amount of time you spend with your mother, there’s a good chance his love language is quality time.

Speak His Love Language

Now that you’ve identified your husband’s love language, it is important to practice it.

Assuming that your partner’s love language is quality time, it is essential to make time for him. Here are a few tips.

• Have meaningful conversations. Take a few minutes every day to talk to your husband. This can be done anywhere, at any time—just make sure he has your undivided attention. Maintain eye contact when he is speaking to you. This will help reassure him you are paying attention to him, therefore reaffirming your love.
• Share a daily meal together. If possible, have at least one with just the two of you. Again, make sure he has your full attention—this means no television or phones. Maybe put someone else in charge of handling any phone calls that could come up regarding your mother.
• Consider respite care. If you have trouble spending quality time with your husband, you may want to consider respite care. Your mother can temporarily stay in an assisted living community. Respite care is available at all of our assisted living locations, including Linden Square.

Remember, for someone whose love language is quality time, quality is more important than quantity. If your caregiving role only allows you to spend 30 minutes a day with your husband, make sure those 30 minutes count. While speaking his love language won’t solve all of your relationship problems, it is a step in the right direction.

Kind regards,

Donna

Need Respite Care for a Loved One?

Heritage Senior Communities offer respite care at every location. Contact us to ask questions or to schedule a private tour at one of our sites.