by Shelley | Feb 27, 2026 | Alzheimer's and Dementia, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about three years ago. Recently, my dad—her primary caregiver—has noticed her anxiety increasing. We’ve been trying to figure out ways to manage it without resorting to medication.
I’ve heard that spending time in nature can be beneficial for people with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia. My parents were always outdoor people prior to my mom’s diagnosis. They loved gardening, spending time at nearby lakes, and strolling through one of the many parks we have in our community.
How can we safely use my mom’s love of nature to decrease her level of anxiety and improve her quality of life? I’m not sure how to manage it.
Sincerely,
Jamie in Holland, MI
Using Nature to Help Manage Anxiety for a Senior with Alzheimer’s
Dear Jamie:
Caring for a person with Alzheimer’s often means helping them navigate anxiety, restlessness, and agitation that can arise from confusion or overstimulation. You are correct in thinking that nature might offer some solutions. Nature can be a powerful, gentle tool for calming these symptoms. We often use nature activities with residents in our specialized dementia care communities.
For caregivers, incorporating simple, structured nature-based tasks into daily routines can reduce anxiety while creating moments of connection and purpose. Here are a few ideas I hope you and your dad will find helpful:
- Spend supervised time outside: One of the most effective approaches is guided outdoor time. Short, predictable walks in a familiar setting—such as a backyard, garden, or quiet park—can help regulate mood. Keep walks brief and unhurried, focusing on sensory experiences rather than distance. The two of you can encourage your mom to notice birds, feel sunlight, or listen to leaves moving in the wind. Walking the same route each time builds familiarity, which reduces anxiety.
- Tackle simple garden projects: Hands-on gardening projects are especially beneficial because they provide engagement and a sense of accomplishment. Choose simple, failure-resistant tasks, such as planting large seeds, watering plants, or harvesting herbs. Raised beds or container gardens are ideal, as they reduce physical strain and keep tasks visually clear. Avoid complicated instructions; instead, demonstrate each step and work alongside your mom. The rhythm of gardening can be soothing, while the tactile experience of working with soil and plants grounds the person in the present moment.
- Bring nature indoors: When the weather is bad, indoor nature activities can be fun. Creating a small “nature station” can be calming and purposeful. This might include arranging flowers, sorting smooth stones or pinecones, or caring for houseplants. Caregivers can guide projects such as wiping leaves with a damp cloth or transferring water to plants using a small watering can—tasks that feel meaningful without being overwhelming.
- Plan nature-based sensory projects: These can also be effective tools for managing Alzheimer’s-related anxiety. You or your dad could sit with your mom to listen to nature sounds, such as birds or ocean waves. Visual cues—like watching fish in an aquarium, clouds through a window, or birds in the trees—can also enhance the calming effect. Even opening a window for fresh air and natural light may noticeably shift mood. Creative projects inspired by nature also support emotional regulation. Simple activities like leaf rubbing, painting rocks, or assembling a small nature collage allow for self-expression without requiring memory or complex skills. Focus on the process, not the result, and offer encouragement rather than correction.
Finally, an article you might be interested in reading is “Tips for Gardening with a Senior Who Has Dementia.” It covers topics ranging from how to include your mom in garden planning to looking out for plants that might be toxic if ingested.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Feb 27, 2026 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. As his disease began to progress, we moved him in with my family. We know it is a short-term solution, but I was worried about his judgment and safety.
Recently, his disease has been causing unusual behaviors. He would be embarrassed by his actions if he were more cognitively aware. I don’t want to leave him isolated at home when my family goes out, but I also want to protect his dignity. He’s always been such a proud man. But even having a quick meal at a local restaurant has become difficult.
Do you have any advice?
Sincerely,
Vickie in Midland, MI
Protecting Dignity When a Senior Has Dementia
Dear Vickie:
This is a challenge we hear often from families! No matter what type of dementia an older adult is diagnosed with, it can cause them to exhibit behaviors that aren’t in line with their personality. It’s distressing for loved ones to witness. Dining out at local restaurants is one area that families say can be the most challenging.
Here are a few suggestions to try:
- Be mindful of language and tone: First, remember that language matters. Always speak to your dad as an adult, never as a child, even when he is confused or repeats himself. This is important anytime, but especially when other people are around. Correcting him harshly or pointing out mistakes can feel humiliating. Instead, try to focus on validating his feelings instead of the facts. If he misremembers something, gently redirect the topic or go along with his viewpoint when it causes no harm. Preserving dignity often means choosing kindness over accuracy.
- Learn to recognize triggers: One of the most important strategies is to identify triggers. Changes in routine, loud environments, fatigue, hunger, pain, or fear can all intensify difficult behaviors. Observing patterns—what happens before, during, and after an episode—can help caregivers anticipate problems and reduce them before they escalate. Use what you learn to figure out when it’s appropriate to include your dad in public outings. If it wouldn’t be appropriate, ask a friend or family member to keep him company at home while you go out.
- Practice redirecting behaviors: Redirection is another effective way to protect your dad’s dignity. If a behavior cannot be safely accommodated, gently shifting attention to a different activity, topic, or environment can diffuse the situation. Giving him earbuds and playing soft music might help. You could also try taking a short walk around the restaurant or the parking lot of his doctor’s office. Some families have found it useful to create dementia activity kits, sometimes referred to as “busy boxes,” of items that can keep their loved one productively occupied during outings.
- Manage your response: Nonverbal communication, such as eye contact, smiling, or a gentle touch (when appropriate), can be more effective than words. Stay calm and speak slowly in a reassuring tone to help de-escalate tense situations. Arguing, correcting, or trying to “reason” with someone who has dementia often increases distress. Instead, validation is powerful. Acknowledging emotions—“I can see you’re upset” or “You seem scared”—helps the person feel heard, even if the cause of distress is unclear. While this can be tough to do in the moment, it’s important to teach yourself how to accomplish it.
I hope these tips help your dad and the rest of your family. One final suggestion is really more of a reminder. Caregiving for someone with dementia is physically and emotionally exhausting. At Heritage Senior Communities, we offer respite services as part of our specialized dementia care. These programs are designed to give family caregivers a break. I encourage you to call a location near you to learn more!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 28, 2026 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
As the primary caregiver for my grandpa, every day seems to present something new. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about 18 months ago.
Lately, he’s been getting agitated in the evenings. He paces and makes laps around the house. Several times I’ve caught him trying to open exterior doors and windows in what seems like an attempt to leave the house.
My husband and I moved in with my grandpa about six months ago to take care of him. I work remotely so I can be with him around the clock. But this behavior really has me worried. Our neighbor said her mom exhibited similar symptoms and the neurologist they saw called it sundowning.
Can you help me to better understand this behavior and what I can do to keep him safe?
Sincerely,
Morgan in Sutton’s Bay, MI
Navigating Sundowner’s Syndrome
Dear Morgan:
I’m glad you wrote to ask about this! It can be one of the most challenging behaviors associated with Alzheimer’s disease.
Sundowner’s syndrome, often called “sundowning,” occurs in older adults living with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. It refers to a pattern of increased confusion, agitation, anxiety, or restlessness that typically occurs in the late afternoon, evening, or nighttime hours. While sundowning can be distressing for both seniors and caregivers, understanding the condition and learning effective management strategies can help reduce its impact.
What Causes Sundowning?
The exact cause of sundowner’s syndrome is not fully understood, but several factors are believed to contribute:
- Changes in the body’s internal clock
- Fatigue from the day’s activities
- Reduced daylight and increased shadows
- More household noise in the evening
As you’ve witnessed, the most common signs of sundowning include increased confusion, pacing, restlessness, irritability, mood swings, paranoia, or verbal outbursts. Wandering from home or attempting to do so are also more likely.
Some people may become more withdrawn, while others may experience hallucinations or difficulty sleeping. These behaviors are not intentional and can be frightening for the person experiencing them.
Reducing the Symptoms of Sundowner’s Syndrome
Managing sundowner’s syndrome begins with creating a calm, predictable routine. Consistency helps provide a sense of security and reduces anxiety. Maintaining regular times for waking, meals, activities, and bedtime can help stabilize the body’s internal rhythm. Limiting daytime naps—especially late in the afternoon—may also improve nighttime sleep.
Other steps you can take to try to minimize the impact of the symptoms include:
- Managing lighting: Light plays an important role in managing sundowning. Increasing exposure to natural daylight in the morning and early afternoon can help regulate sleep-wake cycles. In the evening, keeping rooms well-lit can reduce shadows that may cause confusion or fear. Pulling blinds and curtains closed can also help. As bedtime approaches, gradually dimming lights can signal that it is time to wind down.
- Avoiding overstimulation: Reducing stimulation in the late afternoon and evening can also help. Loud noises, crowded spaces, or too much activity may increase agitation. Calm activities such as listening to soothing music, reading, or having gentle conversation can create a more relaxing environment. Avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and heavy meals later in the day may also reduce restlessness.
- Controlling physical needs: Meeting basic physical needs is essential. Ensuring the individual is well-hydrated, has eaten balanced meals, and is comfortable can prevent discomfort that may contribute to agitation. Pain, urinary urgency, or constipation should be addressed promptly, as these can intensify sundowning behaviors.
When agitation does occur, responding with patience and reassurance is key. Speaking calmly, offering simple explanations, and avoiding confrontation can help de-escalate the situation. Redirecting attention to a familiar or comforting activity may also be effective. Arguing or correcting the person can increase distress and should be avoided.
Support for Family Caregivers
For family members, managing sundowner’s syndrome can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It may be beneficial to schedule an appointment with your grandfather’s physician. They may have solutions to help.
You may also want to consider utilizing respite care services in a specialized dementia care community. Your grandfather will be in good hands while you take a break to rest or enjoy time with your husband.
I hope this information is helpful, Morgan!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 28, 2026 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My father passed away recently and my mom is living alone for the first time in her life. While she’s obviously grieving, she is also very lonely on her own. My husband and I have been thinking of getting her a dog this spring. It seems like a good time to bring a new friend into her home. Until my dad got sick, my parents always had a dog. They lost theirs just before my dad’s diagnosis.
While mom is planning on staying in her home for another year or so, we are trying to think ahead. Our hope is that she will be ready to transition to an independent living community before next winter. Do you think the benefits of having a pet as a senior are worth the extra work? Do most senior living communities allow pets? We want to clarify that before we approach my mom with this idea.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Chris in Williamsburg, MI
Can Pets Help Seniors Improve Emotional Well-Being?
Dear Chris:
First, my condolences on the loss of your father. I’m sure it’s been a tough time for you, too. Watching a parent grieve is also difficult. But it sounds like your idea could be worth considering.
Pets play a powerful role in enhancing emotional well-being, especially for seniors. As people age, life changes such as retirement, reduced mobility, or the loss of loved ones can lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation. Pets offer friendship, comfort, and a sense of purpose that can greatly improve a senior’s emotional health.
- Companionship: One of the most significant benefits of having a pet is companionship. Pets provide a constant, nonjudgmental presence, which can be especially comforting for seniors who live alone. The simple routine of greeting a pet in the morning or having one nearby throughout the day can reduce feelings of loneliness and create a sense of connection. For many seniors, pets become trusted friends to talk to.
- Lower stress: Pets also help reduce stress and anxiety. Studies have shown that interacting with animals can lower cortisol levels and increase the release of feel-good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin. Petting a dog or cat, listening to a bird sing, or watching fish swim can have a calming effect on the mind and body. This can be particularly beneficial for seniors dealing with anxiety, depression, or cognitive changes.
- Responsibility and purpose: Having a pet encourages routine and responsibility, which can be emotionally grounding. Daily activities such as feeding, grooming, or walking a pet provide structure and purpose. This sense of responsibility can help seniors feel needed and valued, reinforcing self-esteem and motivation. Even small tasks related to pet care can bring a sense of accomplishment and meaning to each day.
- Socializing: Pets also promote social interaction. Walking a dog through your community or local park often leads to casual conversations with neighbors and other pet owners. These interactions can help seniors build connections and feel more engaged with their community. In senior living settings, pets often become a shared source of joy, sparking conversations and strengthening relationships among residents.
- Devotion: Additionally, pets offer unconditional love. They do not judge, criticize, or hold grudges. This consistent affection can be deeply reassuring, particularly during times of emotional difficulty. For seniors coping with grief or major life transitions, a pet’s loyalty and presence can provide comfort and stability.
Finally, in response to your question about senior living communities and dogs, I would say most allow pets. But with a qualifier or two. Communities often have a weight/size limit and some may have breed restrictions. Most also require the senior to manage the pet’s care or be able to pay for someone who can.
If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to read this article, “Best Pets for Older Adults in Michigan,” on our blog. It might offer some additional insight on what types of animals to consider.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Dec 29, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My 84-year-old father is a veteran. His health has been slowly declining over the last few years. I don’t live close enough to him to provide the amount of care I think he needs.
Dad’s neighbor, who is also a veteran, told me there are benefits available to help pay for his care. He wasn’t sure how much my dad could qualify for or how it worked, though. Can you offer any advice or point me in the right direction?
Sincerely,
Julie in Midland, MI
Senior Care Covered by VA Benefits
Dear Julie:
I’m so glad that your father’s neighbor shared this information with you! There are benefits available for veterans who qualify, but they often go overlooked because older adults aren’t aware of them. So, here’s a quick overview.
The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs offers several programs that help pay for senior care, ranging from medical services to personal assistance for daily living. What a veteran qualifies for depends on service history, medical needs, income, and disability rating. The most notable one is the Veterans Aid and Attendance benefit. This benefit provides monthly payments added to the amount of monthly VA pension qualified veterans and survivors already receive.
How Does a Veteran Qualify for the VA Aid and Attendance Benefit?
To receive this enhanced benefit, a veteran must already be eligible for a basic VA pension. Once that hurdle is overcome, a veteran or their surviving spouse must:
- Require help with two activities of daily living (ADLs), which can include tasks such as dressing, bathing, or toileting
- Be bedridden due to an illness or injury
- Live in a nursing care center because of a physical or cognitive disability
- Have vision loss that measures 5/200 or less in both eyes, even when wearing glasses, or a visual field of 5 degrees or fewer
VA Aid and Attendance Benefit Amounts
The VA Aid and Attendance benefit is evaluated by Congress on a regular basis. They determine what is known as the maximum payment amount rate (MPAR). The benefit payment then depends on a veteran or surviving spouse’s individual circumstances.
Currently, a veteran, couple, or surviving spouse may be entitled to receive one of the following monthly benefits:
- Single veteran: Up to $2,358
- Married veteran: Up to $2,795
- Veteran with spouse who needs care: Up to $1,851
- Surviving spouse: Up to $1,515
- Two married veterans (both eligible): Up to $3,740
The VA does not directly pay communities, but a veteran can use their monthly payment for:
- Assisted living rent
- Personal care fees
- Memory care programs
- Medication management
- Other support services
Here’s a quick look at what types of care your dad might benefit from to help him enjoy the best quality of life.
Senior Care Services to Consider
Many veterans prefer to remain at home as they age, while others feel safer and less isolated in a community setting. The VA provides multiple programs to support either of these.
- Homemaker and home health aide services
These services help with ADLs such as bathing, dressing, toileting, meal preparation, and mobility assistance. An aide may come a few hours a week or work full-time, depending on assessed need.
The VA pays for temporary care to give a family caregiver time off. This can occur at home or in a senior care setting, such as assisted living, memory care, or a skilled nursing center.
These programs provide structured daytime supervision, social activities, rehabilitation therapies, and nursing services. It is ideal for families where the primary caregiver works full-time.
- Assisted living and personal care homes
Depending upon the state in which you will be looking for care for your dad, another solution might be an assisted living community. These are sometimes referred to as personal care homes. Families often consider these to be an ideal solution. They combine the privacy and independence of having a private apartment or suite with the support of on-site caregivers around the clock.
- Specialized dementia care
Designed to support the unique needs of adults with most forms of dementia, including Alzheimer’s, the VA Aid and Attendance benefit can be utilized for this type of senior living. They offer dedicated programs and services to meet the challenges of adults with memory impairments.
- Long-term nursing home care
For veterans with significant medical or custodial needs, the Veterans Administration may cover care in several types of long-term centers either directly or through the use of the Aid and Attendance benefit:
- Community living centers (VA-run nursing homes): These provide 24-hour skilled nursing, rehabilitation, social services, and memory care. Priority is often given to veterans with service-connected disabilities.
- State veterans homes: Partially funded by the VA but operated by states, these facilities offer long-term nursing care, memory care, and sometimes assisted living. Veterans typically pay a reduced cost.
- Community nursing homes (contracted private facilities): The VA contracts with participating nursing homes to pay part or all of the cost for eligible veterans when VA beds are unavailable or unsuitable.
I hope this quick overview is helpful, Julie! I invite you to call a Heritage location near your dad if you need help determining what type of senior care best meets his needs.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Nov 4, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad came to stay with my husband and our family this spring. He had been living alone since my mom passed away two years ago. We felt like he was spending too much time alone and not socializing much. It was negatively impacting his mental and physical well-being.
Mom and Dad used to host Christmas every year. My brother and his family would fly in for a few days and stay with my parents. Since we sold the house before moving Dad in with us, however, this year will be different. My brother has decided they won’t be coming for a visit until after the new year.
I’m hoping to find ways for my dad and my brother’s children to visit virtually throughout the holiday season. Like my kids, they are teenagers. So, I’m finding it difficult to come up with good ideas. Do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Caitlyn in Traverse City, MI
Virtual Ways Grandparents and Teens Can Connect This Christmas
Dear Caitlyn:
What a good observation on the part of you and your husband. Loneliness and isolation among older adults are linked to a variety of health issues ranging from depression to diabetes. It is very thoughtful to move your dad in with you, even temporarily.
The holiday season is a time for family, love, and connection. When distance or circumstances prevent grandparents and teenagers from gathering in person, technology offers creative ways to stay close and make meaningful memories together. Here are some fun and heartwarming ways to bridge the generational gap virtually this Christmas.
- Virtual holiday movie nights
Pick a classic Christmas movie, such as Home Alone, Elf, or The Santa Clause, and watch it together using a platform like Teleparty or Zoom. Don’t forget to encourage movie snacks for all parties involved!
- Holiday recipes and virtual cooking sessions
Food brings people together, even over video chat. Grandparents can walk teens through a cherished family recipe while cooking “together” on a Zoom call. This shared experience not only teaches cooking skills, but also keeps family traditions alive.
Games like Scrabble GO, Words with Friends, or online card games can be another fun way to connect. For something more personal, try trivia games based on family history. Have the teens prepare questions about the family tree, and grandparents can share stories sparked by the answers.
- Digital holiday scrapbooking
Use platforms like Canva or Google Slides to create a shared digital scrapbook. Grandparents can upload old Christmas photos, and teens can add modern touches, captions, or music. It’s a collaborative way to share memories and learn about each other’s experiences.
- Christmas karaoke or caroling via video chat
Nothing says holiday spirit like singing together. Host a virtual karaoke or caroling session. Teens can create a playlist, and everyone can join in from their living rooms. Don’t forget to video record it so you can have it for many years to come.
Connecting across generations doesn’t require being in the same room—it just takes intention, creativity, and a little digital magic. This Christmas, let the spirit of togetherness shine, no matter the distance.
Kind regards,
Donna
Tour Independent Living at Heritage Senior Communities
Retirement is a season in life most of us look forward to for many years. But the reality of maintaining a home can limit how you spend your time and money. If you are ready for a more hassle-free lifestyle, we encourage you to explore independent living communities that are a part of the Heritage family.
This popular type of senior housing offers older adults freedom, flexibility, and friendship. Call a community near you to schedule your private tour today!
