Dear Donna,

My children had a great relationship with their grandfather until he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

After he moved to assisted living, their relationship began to deteriorate. Every time my kids visit him, they complain that they are bored and constantly ask when they can go home.

I want my children to spend time with their grandfather, but I am struggling to make their time together enjoyable.

What are some fun activities that kids can do with a grandparent who has Alzheimer’s disease?

Sincerely,

Yolanda in Holland, MI

Activities for Kids to Do with a Grandparent Who Has Alzheimer’s

Dear Yolanda,

It can be difficult for grandchildren to connect with loved ones after a move to assisted living. Alzheimer’s makes finding activities that both kids and their grandparents can enjoy even more complicated. But the relationship between children and their grandparents is important.

For children, spending time with their grandparents exposes them to new wisdom and knowledge, as well as a different perspective.

Relationships also become more important for adults with Alzheimer’s disease. Spending time with grandchildren can make them feel important and bring them the sense of connectedness that they often lose as their disease progresses.

Here are a few activities that can be fun for both children and older loved ones with Alzheimer’s.

Activities Kids and Grandparents Can Do Together

Gardening

Gardening is a common past time for older adults, and it can be highly beneficial for people with Alzheimer’s disease.

Many older adults lose their sense of purpose after they are diagnosed with the disease. Gardening can help bring it back by giving them something to take care of.

Gardening is an activity that adults with Alzheimer’s and kids can do together. Your senior loved one will enjoy being able to pass their knowledge about gardening to their grandkids. In turn, your kids will learn a new skill. Kids and grandparents can even decorate the pots they are going to use.

Bird Watching

Bird watching is another great activity that kids and their grandparents can both enjoy. Purchase some birdhouses—you can even purchase plain houses and decorate them together.

Put birdfeed in the houses and set them up around the yard. You will all have a great time watching the birds eat. You can even purchase a bird reference guide and watch as your loved ones try to identify the birds in the yard.

Create a Family Tree

A family tree can be an excellent opportunity for children to create memories with their grandparents. It can also be a learning experience for your children to see where they came from.

For adults with Alzheimer’s, it can be a great way for them to reminisce. This can be therapeutic and stimulate their memory.

Get a poster board and have them draw out their family tree. Gather family photos and place them on the tree. Include names and birthdays.

Memory Care at Heritage Senior Communities

Many memory care programs—like the one at Appledorn’s Heritage Senior Communities location—offer a variety of opportunities for kids to do activities with grandparents.

Contact us to learn more about specialized dementia care at Appledorn Assisted Living Center South.

I hope this helps you come up with fun activities for your kids to enjoy with their grandfather. You won’t regret encouraging a relationship between your kids and their grandfather. Your kids will be thankful you did as well.

Sincerely,

Donna

What Does a Senior Move Manager Do?  

If you, a parent, or a senior loved one has made the decision to move to a senior living community or assisted living facility, one of the toughest parts of the process is the move itself. If you are the caregiver for a loved one, you likely already have a full plate. And for seniors who are making the move on their own, the prospect of moving homes can feel like a serious uphill battle. 

You’re not the only one struggling with this process. Read this Dear Donna letter we received a few years ago:

Dear Donna, 

My parents recently decided to move to a senior living community, and they asked me to assist them with the transition. I’d love to help them as much as possible, but I have no idea where to start. 

A friend of mine told me I should hire a senior move manager. Can you explain what a senior move manager does, and how they can help us make this transition go more smoothly?

Sincerely, 

Patricia in Saline, MI

Here’s what Donna had to say:

What is a Senior Move Manager?

Dear Patricia, 

A senior move manager is a professional who assists older adults when they relocate. You can hire a senior move manager to handle as much or as little of the moving process as you and your parents would like. Some families prefer their move manager to take care of the entire move, while others may just need them for specific activities. 

The main benefit of a senior move manager is their expertise. They have extensive knowledge of senior moves and have had a big hand in many of them. This means they’ll have information on everything, including the cost, quality, and availability of resources in the community where your parents are moving. As a result, employing them can save you time, money, and resources.

I hope this gives you a better understanding of senior move managers, Patricia. Best of luck with the move. 

Sincerely,

Donna

P.S. Since you’re not the only one to ask this question, Patricia, I’d like to include some more information about the role of a senior move manager, and what senior move managers can do to help seniors relocate.

What Does a Senior Move Manager Do?

While their title might sound fairly self-explanatory, many senior move managers provide a wide range of services that some families may not realize existed. 

01. Create a Simple, Centralized Moving Process

As a caregiver, you’re already busy managing daily care, doctor’s appointments, prescriptions, and more. Tackling the logistics of a senior move can be overwhelming, especially if your loved ones have a lot of belongings.

Move managers can help create an easier transition to assisted living by establishing a centralized moving process for you and your parents. They can handle every aspect of the move and prevent you from having to call a different company for each service.

Think of a senior move manager as a general contractor for a home project. A general contractor manages the schedules of the roofers, plumbers, and more. 

A senior move manager does the same thing for your loved ones’ move. They coordinate schedules of everyone from belonging appraisers to the assisted living or senior community where your parents or loved ones are moving. 

02. Develop a Plan For a Senior Move

This is likely your first time helping loved ones move to a senior living community. It’s understandable if you don’t know what to expect or what services you should consider. Move managers can help seniors and families develop a plan of action based on your senior loved one’s needs.

Senior move managers can help you with the following:

• Develop a timeline. Senior move managers specialize in moving seniors. They can help you develop a realistic timeline and come up with a checklist of everything that needs to be done for a successful move.
• Measure your space. By measuring how much space your parents will have in their new community, senior move managers can help identify exactly how much they can bring with them.
• Come up with a floor plan. Because they specialize in moving older adults, senior move managers understand their needs. They can help your parents create a floor plan suited to their lifestyle.

From what you’re moving to where your family member’s belongings will go after the move, a senior move manager helps remove a lot of the stress and decision-making that comes with a senior move. This frees you up to focus on your loved ones and the care they’re receiving through this process.

03. Make Decisions About Belongings

Making decisions about what to keep is one of the most demanding challenges when it comes to senior moves. Their new home is likely smaller, requiring them to decide what to keep, sell, and donate. A senior move manager can help your loved one prepare for moving to an assisted living or senior living community. 

Seniors move managers can help in the following ways:

• Organize, sort, and pack belongings. They can help seniors decide what to keep and what to get rid of. For items that are to be kept, the senior move manager will help pack and label, so everything arrives safely at the new destination. 
• Coordinate item removal. Once your loved ones and their senior move manager have identified what to keep, and what to get rid of, senior move managers can help seniors downsize. They’ll arrange the removal of all of those extra items, and not just by donation. A senior move manager can arrange auctions, estate sales, buy-outs, consignment, donations, or any combination of these. 
• Arrange shipments and storage. Senior move managers can also help with the logistics of your loved ones’ move. If there are things they want to keep, but won’t fit in their new home, a senior move manager can find the right storage facility. And for anything they are taking to their new home, a senior move manager can coordinate how those items get there. 

04. Help Seniors Move, Unpack and Settle in Their New Home

Senior move managers know that the hard work of a move doesn’t end with packing. Once your loved ones’ belongings arrive at their new home, they’ll also help with the unpacking and settling-in process. Senior move managers also provide the following services:

• Moving belongings to the new place. Many senior move managers are also movers. If they are not, they can assist by interviewing, scheduling, and overseeing the movers.
• Helping seniors unpack on moving day. Since most senior move managers are in charge of determining the floor plan for your loved ones’ new home, they know exactly where all of those boxes are supposed to go. They’ll also make sure furniture is in place according to the plan you’ve established with them. 
• Assisting seniors to set up their technology. Getting used to a new phone, computer, or internet can be tricky to do, especially when moving into a brand new place. A senior move manager will also make sure the internet, phone, and computer are ready to use before they leave. 

05. Help Prepare The Home For Sale

If you or your loved ones are moving on from a home and would like to put the house up for sale, many senior move managers can help here as well. 

Once your loved ones are settled in their new space, the senior move manager can continue to coordinate the home cleaning, disposal of any unwanted items, and more. This way, that home will be perfectly prepared to sell, and you have to do minimal work to get it there. 

How is a Senior Move Manager Different From a Moving Company?

If you’re planning a senior move, you may wonder why a specialized service like a senior move manager might be necessary. In many ways, it seems like they provide very similar services to a moving company. The truth is that: 

A senior move manager coordinates every aspect of a senior’s move from one home to the next. This includes everything from selling or donating unwanted belongings to developing a safe, accessible floorplan for the senior’s next residence, and everything in between. A senior move manager goes above and beyond with coordination, support, packing and unpacking, and of course, moving services as well. 

A moving company is responsible for getting boxes from point A to point B. While some moving companies may box up belongings for an additional fee, they typically won’t help unpack, and they don’t provide any other services beyond relocating belongings. 

When is a Senior Move Manager The Right Option For My Family?

With that information in mind, you can imagine that a senior move manager is great for situations where you or your loved ones might require a bit of additional assistance. A senior move manager is ideal for the following situations: 

• Seniors moving from a large home. A senior move manager can help with the downsizing process and make sure that you or your loved ones get the very most from their belongings. 
• Seniors with extra care requirements. If you or your loved one requires extra care due to a health or mobility issue, a senior move manager can provide the extra helping hand you need to make sure the move is as seamless as possible.
• Seniors who live far from family. If you or your loved one is far away, a senior move manager can provide the help that distant family isn’t able to.
• Families who could use a little extra help. Any move is a big project, senior moves included. If you’re looking for a way to minimize stress and make the process as straightforward as possible, a senior move manager can help. 

How Much Do Senior Move Management Services Cost?

Senior move management services range significantly based on the services you are looking for to the area where you or your loved one is moving. In general, senior move managers take an hourly rate, though some may charge a flat rate for certain services. 

If you’re considering a senior move manager, it’s always best to contact a few local options, and then get estimates or bids from each. Then, you can compare which services you might need, and select the best senior move manager based on your budget. 

Senior Move Managers Understand Seniors

Senior move managers have a deep understanding of the emotional and physical aspects unique to a senior move. Moving can be difficult, especially for seniors who are moving because they are no longer able to live on their own. Senior move managers know this and can do their best to make the transition as smooth as possible. 

Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living location, provides support to make the transition to assisted living easier for seniors and their families. Contact us for more information.

Dear Donna,

My mother and I recently decided it would be best for her to move to an assisted living community. Her mobility has declined considerably, and we feel they will be able to help her with her everyday activities.

This is our first time going through this process. I want it to go as smoothly as possible, but I have no idea where to start.

How can I prepare my mother for an easier transition to assisted living? 

Carly in Saline, M

Making a Smooth Transition to Assisted Living

Dear Carly,

Many family members find it difficult to help their loved ones transition to an assisted living community. For most of them, it’s not something they’ve ever done, which makes it difficult to know where to begin.

Here are 5 things to do to make the transition to assisted living easier for your mother.

1. Select a Realistic Move-In Date

The first thing you should do is help your mother select an official move-in date. Select a date that gives you plenty of time to pack, clean, and downsize as needed.

Having an official move-in date will give you a timeframe of exactly how long you have to prepare. From there, you can begin to plan when tasks need to be done to keep you on track.

2. Get the Measurements of Your Mother’s New Space

Finding out how much space she has will help you determine how much she can keep. If possible, try to get a printed copy of the floor plan. This way, you can plan exactly where everything is going to go. On move-in day, you will be thankful you did this when you can tell the movers exactly where to put everything.

3. Start Organizing Early

Organizing is often the most challenging and time-consuming task. For that reason, you want to start early.

The space your mother will be moving into is most likely going to be smaller than her current space. This will require her to downsize.

Don’t forget to organize important papers and documents. Here are a few documents you will want to gather:

• Driver’s license
• Care registration
• Credit cards
• Bank, retirement, and investment account information
• Medicare and Social Security information

4. Get Estimates From Moving Companies

After you settle on a date for the move to assisted living, start getting quotes from moving companies. Once you find a company you like, schedule your appointment immediately. Reputable moving companies often have pretty busy schedules!

5. Schedule Dates for Utilities to be Turned Off or Transferred

A few weeks before her move-in date, help her start to tackle her home services. Call and schedule times for utility companies to disconnect her phone, cable, internet, electricity, gas, water, and any other recurring services. Have her mail, newspaper, and magazine subscriptions forwarded to her new home.

The Most Important Thing You Can Do Is Be There

The most important thing you can do to help a senior loved one transition to assisted living is to be there. Physically help them pack belongings, listen to their concerns, and talk them through their hesitations

Moving can be stressful for anyone. After all, it is a major life transition. Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living location, provides support to make the transition to assisted living easier for seniors and their families. Contact us for more information.

Please let me know if I can answer any additional questions!

Sincerely,

Donna

Dear Donna,

My husband and I recently decided to move my mom into our home. She has advanced arthritis, so having her here allows us to help her with the tasks she has trouble with. 

Immediately after she moved in, we realized she needed a lot more help than we had anticipated. Her doctor advised her to avoid a few activities, such as heavy lifting and climbing stairs. But we often come home to find her doing at least one of her restricted activities. 

Since she moved in, I have been experiencing anxiety.

As I head home from work, my heart races. I immediately assume there’s going to be an emergency involving my mother. Even when she is safe, I still feel overwhelmed, and it takes me a while to calm down.

I’m afraid that my constant worrying is going to affect my performance at work and strain my relationship with my husband.

How can I better cope with my caregiver anxiety?

Sincerely,

Katherine Jones, Holland, MI

Dear Katherine,

Anxiety is a biological response that occurs when your body perceives a threat. This perceived threat triggers feelings of tension and worry, as well as physical changes like increased blood pressure and heart rate.

When you feel out of control, you can quickly begin feeling anxious. You may even get caught up in a cycle of feeling anxious about your anxiety.

Here are 5 tips to help you break the cycle and better cope with caregiver anxiety.

1. Understand Your Anxiety

Before attempting to cope with your anxiety, take the time to learn what triggers it.

• Are you afraid your mother will harm herself?
• Are you afraid of losing her?
• Do you think she is not taking her health seriously?

When you feel anxious, stop and ask yourself why. Do you notice a pattern?

2. Do Not Expect to Eliminate Your Anxiety

A mistake people often make when dealing with anxiety is thinking that they will be able to eliminate it.

Anxiety is a biological response, so this assumption is unrealistic. It is more realistic to manage your symptoms.

The next time you feel anxious, acknowledge your symptoms. Take a deep breath and thank your body for the message. Remind yourself that you are anxious because you’re afraid your mom could be in danger, not because she is in danger.

3. Put Your Health First

It may seem counterintuitive, but putting your health first is one of the simplest ways to relieve anxiety.

Here are a few ways you can be proactive about your health.

• Get regular check-ups. Don’t wait until you are sick the make an appointment with your doctor.
• Get enough sleep. Research suggests there is a strong correlation between sleep and anxiety. Those who don’t get enough sleep are 17 times more likely to have clinical anxiety than those with normal sleep habits. Aim to get 7–8 hours of sleep every night. Never sacrifice sleep—it is key to your well-being.
• Exercise at least 3 times a week. Exercise can play a tremendous role in managing Yoga has been shown to alleviate anxiety and arthritis. You could even invite your mom to join you.
• Eat a well-balanced diet. Being mindful about the foods you eat can significantly improve anxiety. Say no to sugar and other processed foods. They have been shown to aggravate symptoms of anxiety. Do your best to maintain your weight.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol and caffeine have been shown to worsen feelings of anxiety. Limit them as much as possible.
• Take time to relax. Relaxing can be anything from a trip to the spa or a 10-minute meditation

4. Stay Connected

Healthy relationships are an excellent way for you to cope with anxiety. Here are a few ways you can stay connected.

• Maintain relationships. Regardless of how busy you are, always make time for friends and family.
• Join online or in-person caregiver support groups. This will give you a chance to talk about your challenges as a caregiver with those who are likely experiencing the same difficulties.
• Volunteer. Helping others makes us feel good. Find a cause you are passionate about and volunteer. Not only will you be giving back, but you will also get a chance to meet like-minded people.

5. Ask for Help When You Need It

Caregivers are often reluctant to ask for help, but it’s important to accept that no one can do this alone. Seek help from:

• Medical professionals. There is a fine line between normal anxiety and anxiety that requires medical attention.

Don’t be ashamed if you need to seek help from a medical professional. Your doctor will be able to make recommendations specific to your personal needs.

• Family members. Don’t be afraid to lean on your family. They will often be more than happy to help.
• Respite Care. If you are concerned about your mom’s safety while you are away, it may be a good idea to consider respite care services.

Assisted Living: When You Need More Than Respite Care

Anxiety isn’t something you can get rid of overnight. For many caregivers, it is an emotion they have to work on regularly.

If you continue to struggle with caregiver anxiety despite your efforts, it may be time to ask your mom to consider an assisted living community.

Heritage Senior Communities provides quality care for seniors across Michigan. Our Appledorn Assisted Living community in Holland provides both assisted living and respite care services. If your mom has any doubts, a short-term respite stay can be a great way for her to experience an assisted living community. Contact us today to schedule a tour.

I hope these tips help you better cope with your caregiver anxiety.

Kind Regards,

Donna

I’m the primary caregiver for my aging father, and I also work full-time. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night because I keep thinking of what I have to do the next day. Often I don’t even have time to eat.

If something happens to me, I’m not sure how he’d manage. I’d like to stay healthy, but I can’t seem to find the time. How can I take care of myself as well as my dad?

Sincerely,

Gina in Holland, MI

Caregivers Should Also Care for Themselves

Dear Gina,

Caregiving is an important but exhausting role, as you know. It is easy to get overwhelmed or feel guilty for taking time out for yourself. Unfortunately, caregivers who constantly put others’ needs first are likely to experience stress, burnout, and other health issues. Without proper self-care, you probably can’t give your dad the care that he needs.

How to Take Care of Yourself (and a Loved One)

1. Be mindful of your own physical health

Although you may put your loved one’s health needs before your own, caring for yourself is even more important.

• Make sure you are getting regular checkups.
• Ask your healthcare provider for advice on maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
• Make sure you are getting 7–8 hours of sleep each night. Follow good sleep hygiene.
• Set aside time to prep healthy meals or snacks you can grab on the go.
• Schedule time for yourself, including exercise, as you would any other appointment.

2. Don’t try to do it alone

Whether you need help with caregiving duties or just moral support, it’s okay to ask.

Look for local support groups specifically for caregivers. Online forums or social media groups can help, too. Stay in touch with supportive friends and family.

For help with your dad, reach out to local community programs, such as home health aides or meal delivery services. Many senior communities offer respite care that lets caregivers take some time off.

If you have family members or friends willing and able to help, ask them in specific ways, such as driving your dad to an appointment or spending time with him on a Sunday afternoon.

3. Practice mindful relaxation.

Even short periods of relaxation, as little as five minutes, can help reduce stress levels and increase your energy.

• Consider taking a yoga class to help you stretch and relax your body.
• Download a free app to help you practice deep breathing and mindfulness exercises.
• You may want to set aside time to journal, which can help you process the thoughts and emotions that might otherwise keep you awake at night.

It is also important to not feel ashamed when you are tired or frustrated. There is nothing wrong with asking for help or for taking some time for yourself.

I hope this advice helps you stay healthy and minimize stress.

Best wishes,

Donna

Peace of Mind for Caregivers and Loved Ones

Heritage Senior Communities provides quality care throughout Michigan. Appledorn Assisted Living community in Holland, for example, provides numerous opportunities to improve seniors’ quality of life and reduce caregiver stress. Contact us today to schedule a tour.