Dear Donna,

My mom has been falling a lot recently. Every time she has an accident, I tell her we need to start touring local assisted living communities. She says she knows, but she’s afraid. I am more afraid for her safety.

What fears keep seniors from moving to assisted living? I’m trying to better understand what might be holding her back.

Brenda from Saline, MI

Fears That Keep Seniors from Moving to Assisted Living

Dear Brenda,

Moving to an assisted living community is a major transition, so it’s understandable that your mom is afraid. Even when seniors think their quality of life would improve at a community, a variety of factors can prevent them from taking the next step.

Many times, an older adult’s hesitations center around fear. With a little understanding, family caregivers can reduce their loved one’s concerns and start touring assisted living communities.

4 Reasons Why Seniors Are Hesitant to Move

1. Loss of privacy and independence

One of the most common reasons seniors fear assisted living is that they associate it with loss of privacy and independence. They assume they will be monitored and kept from doing many activities they love.

In reality, assisted living tends to have the opposite effect. Assisted living communities understand how important independence is for seniors. They often take extra steps to ensure residents feel in control of their lives. At the community, residents are free from many of the responsibilities they had living on their own. When chores like cooking and cleaning are taken care of, seniors have more time for leisure activities.

2. Feeling forced to participate in activities

Another reason your loved one may be resistant to assisted living is thinking they will be forced to participate in every community activity. This is simply untrue.

Many communities offer a variety of activities tailored to different interests. Seniors can choose to participate only in the activities that interest them or avoid them altogether.

3. Being forgotten

Many seniors worry that their loved ones will forget about them if they move to a community. The thought of loneliness can be frightening.

Moving to an assisted living community doesn’t mean you will lose touch with your friends and family. Most communities encourage friends and family members to visit. Also, assisted living can prevent isolation by surrounding seniors with people their age.

4. Costs associated with moving

Price is another reason seniors may shy away from assisted living. In some cases, the cost of assisted living is less than other long-term care solutions.

There are a variety of resources available that may help with some expenses. Long-term care insurance, employee benefits programs, VA benefits, and Medicaid are resources worth exploring.

Understanding Fears about Assisted Living

Deciding to move to an assisted living community can be unnerving. It’s important to listen to your loved one and try to understand their hesitations. This will allow you to better help them get past their fears.

I hope this alleviates some of the fears your mom has about moving to assisted living.

Sincerely,

Donna

Heritage Helps Reduce Fears about Senior Living

Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living Center, provides support to seniors and their families considering assisted living. Our team members can help reduce many of the fears associated with moving. Contact us today to learn more!

Dear Donna,

My mom used to be very sociable. She loved people and was the life of the party.

After she turned eighty, however, she completely stopped going out. We can barely convince her to attend a family birthday party. I think she should move to assisted living where she can be around more people her own age.

How can I tell if it’s time for my mom to move to assisted living?

Sharon from Saline, MI

How to Tell When It’s Time for a Move to Assisted Living

Dear Sharon,

Many adult children struggle to know when their aging parents need assistance. Although isolation is one sign your mom or dad can benefit from assisted living, it’s not the only determinant. Here are a few other ways to tell if a senior loved one can benefit from moving to an assisted living community.

3 Signs It’s Time to Move to Assisted Living

1. High risk for falling

Falling is a leading cause of injury among adults over 65 years old. Some seniors are so afraid of falling they avoid leaving the house altogether. While this might make them feel safer, they are usually increasing their risk of an accident.

By not leaving the house, they reduce their movement. This can prevent them from moving the muscles needed to sustain their physical health and balance. Not only does this increase their risk of falling, but it also reduces their ability to recover from a fall.

If your loved one is at risk for falling, they might benefit from moving to a community where they can have access to a medical professional.

2. Medical conditions

Nearly 80% of seniors have at least one chronic medical condition; 68% have two or more conditions. Older adults with medical conditions typically have a harder time managing their health independently, so they often require assistance.

A few instances when your mom’s or dad’s medical condition can make them good candidates for assisted living include:

• Recovery from illness or injury
• Trouble managing medications
• Increasing or worsening chronic health conditions

Assisted living can benefit seniors with medical conditions by having someone available to monitor their health and help them manage their medications.

3. Trouble preparing nutritious foods

Difficulty eating a healthy diet is another sign that your loved one may benefit from assisted living. There are many age-related changes that can make it difficult for seniors to eat healthily. For example, reduced mobility can make it hard to cook and grocery shop. This can cause them to forgo fresh foods in exchange for foods that are full of preservatives.

A healthy diet is crucial for seniors to maintain their health and avoid malnutrition. Here are a few signs that your loved one may have trouble getting enough nutrition:

• Expired foods in the fridge
• More “convenient meals” like frozen dinners and canned goods than fresh foods in their kitchen
• Noticeable weight loss or weight gain

Assisted living can help because they have team members who are dedicated to providing nutrient-dense meals for residents each day.

The Process Happens Gradually

Determining whether your loved ones are ready to move to an assisted living community takes time and careful consideration. I hope this helps!

Regards,

Donna

Heritage Senior Communities

If you are having trouble deciding if it’s time for your aging parents to move to an assisted living community, please feel free to contact us. Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living Center, can help you determine if it’s a good fit.

Dear Donna,

My father is in his late seventies and has recently developed mobility problems. He’s at home alone a lot, but luckily he has the internet. He loves being online, emailing, sharing photos, and reading about politics.

He and his old friends, most of whom live outside of the state of Michigan now, communicate regularly online. They share links, forward emails, and suggest videos to one another. Most have also joined Facebook.

All this is great for him, but I worry that he’s going to click on a link and end up downloading a virus. Or worse, what if he receives one of those scam emails that trick people in to revealing personal information?

How can I make sure my dad is safe when he’s online?

I don’t want to offend his intelligence but at the same time, I’m not sure he’s aware of all the ways scammers are targeting seniors these days. How do I start a conversation that won’t offend him?

Regards,

Roxanne in Dearborn

Learn More about Cyber Crime and Seniors

Dear Roxanne,

Thank you for your question. You’re right! Much of today’s cyber crime is aimed at older Americans. According to the FBI’s website, seniors are targeted for many reasons. Scammers of all kinds—not just the online type—see seniors as more trusting and less suspicious.

But that’s not the only reason scammers think older adults make good targets.

Why Scammers Target Seniors

According to the FBI, seniors are targeted because:

• Scammers think seniors are too polite to say “no” or to hang up the phone or let an email go unanswered
• Seniors are more likely to have something worth stealing: retirement money and a mortgage-free home
• Older adults are also more likely to have good credit
• Scammers prefer victims who don’t report fraud to the authorities and embarrassed seniors often fit the bill
• Crooks believe the aging stereotypes and think seniors may not make good witnesses because of memory loss
• Older Americans are very susceptible to products promising certain benefits, such as improved memory, anti-cancer, and younger skin to name a few

You likely need to have a discussion with your father about online safety. Point out these facts to him, mentioning that even though he may be wise in many ways, the internet is new territory for most people. Scammers are inventive and everyone gets fooled occasionally.

Crooks sometimes pose as government officials and contact people online to steal their personal information. Analysis of the victims of these scams shows that seniors are more susceptible to these types of cons than younger generations. If you want to steer the conversation to a more specific topic, this might be a good place to start.

I hope this advice was helpful, Roxanne! Good luck helping your father stay safe online.

Donna

Do You Have a Question for Donna?

If you’re a caregiver and there’s something on your mind, write to Donna! She answers questions relating to aging, senior living and caregiving each month. Your questions are welcome any time, and they may help someone else who is struggling with the same issue.

We can also answer questions about senior living by phone or in person. Contact us to schedule a tour of one of our communities at your convenience!

Dear Donna,

My parents asked me to help them find an assisted living community. Every time we have plans to visit a community, they come up with an excuse to not go.

I am happy to help them, but I am starting to think they don’t want to find a place. Should I take my parents with me on my first round of assisted living tours, or can I narrow down their options first and bring them on the second round of tours?

Alison from Saline, MI

When Should Your Parents Start Touring Assisted Living Communities?

Dear Alison,

Many children want to help their senior parents find a senior living community, but sometimes their loved ones don’t make it easy. Regardless of the reason, resistance on the part of a parent can make adult children wonder if it’s necessary to include them in the entire process.

Sometimes, it is more productive to narrow down your options before bringing a senior along for a tour. Other times, it’s better to include them in the entire process. Here are a few tips to help you decide which route to take.

Bringing Your Parents on All Assisted Living Tours

The main benefit of bringing your parents on every visit is that they can decide what they like and dislike about a community. This can greatly increase the chances they will pick one that is the best fit.

Including your parent also helps them maintain a sense of independence and control. That’s an important part of helping a senior feel empowered.

However, bringing your mom and dad with you on every tour can have a downside. Not every community will be a good fit and you will likely recognize those that obviously aren’t. By eliminating those choices, you help make the process a little less stressful.

If your parents are turned off by a community early, they might try to find something wrong with every community. For seniors that are resistant to moving, this can make the process much longer.

Here are a few cases when you might want to bring your parents on every visit:

• They are excited about the move and want to be included.
• They enjoy meeting the residents and engaging with the staff.
• They can walk around the communities without tiring quickly.

Narrowing Down Your Options before Bringing Seniors on an Assisted Living Tour

Narrowing down to just two or three options before bringing your parents to visit the communities can be significantly quicker than bringing them on every visit. This is especially true if you know what questions to ask on an assisted living tour.

Conversely, narrowing down your options from the beginning may not allow you to get the best understanding of what your parents need from a community.

Here are a few scenarios where it makes sense to narrow down your options first:

• They have mobility limitations that make it difficult to tour several communities.
• They have a cognitive impairment that makes them unable to make decisions about their living arrangements.
• They aren’t happy about moving and you need to find communities that are obviously a good fit.

I hope this helps, Alison.

Regards,

Donna

Schedule a Tour with Heritage Senior Communities

At Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square location in Saline, we encourage seniors and their families to visit with several communities before making a decision. Contact us today to schedule a private tour.