by Shelley | Jul 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
We are just beginning the search for an assisted living community in Michigan for my dad. We hope to have him moved in and settled before the snow begins to fly. While I believe the social aspects of community life will be very good for my dad, I’m struggling with the idea of giving up being his primary caregiver. It sounds silly as the role has been very demanding, but I’m concerned we’ll lose the close connection we’ve built.
Do you have any suggestions for how I can stay involved once we find a new place for my dad? And are family members really welcomed at communities? I would appreciate any suggestions and advice.
Steve in Grand Haven, MI
Staying Connected After a Loved One Moves to Assisted Living
Dear Steve:
It’s not silly at all! In fact, the feelings you are expressing are shared by many adult children. When a parent moves into an assisted living community, it can be a big transition for the whole family. While it’s natural to feel a mix of relief and concern, staying connected to them and their daily life can make the experience more positive for everyone.
Getting to know the staff and getting involved not only supports your parent emotionally but also helps build relationships that foster a stronger sense of community.
- Attend events: Start by attending social events, family nights, or seasonal celebrations. These gatherings provide a great way to meet and engage with your parent’s new neighbors and show support. Most communities welcome family participation and typically post calendars of upcoming activities online. Simply being present for a game night, woodworking class, or a concert sends the message to your dad and the team that you are interested and supportive.
- Share your time: Volunteering is another meaningful way to engage. You could help organize events or offer to share special skills you might have, such as teaching a computer class or helping with raised bed gardening. And you’ll likely find you benefit from volunteering your time as much as the residents do!
- Communicate with staff: Regular communication with the community team is also essential. Building rapport with caregivers, nurses, and activity directors ensures your dad’s needs are being met and helps address any concerns early. It’s also a good way to advocate for your parent if changes are needed.
One final suggestion is to continue to include your dad in outings or family traditions whenever possible. An outdoor lunch, a holiday gathering, or even a simple walk can maintain his connection to home life.
Being part of your parent’s assisted living experience doesn’t mean being there every day—it means staying present, involved, and proactive. Your ongoing involvement sends a powerful message: they are loved, valued, and supported in this new chapter of life.
Visit a Heritage Location Near You
Since you mentioned you are beginning to search for an assisted living community in Michigan, I would like to extend an invitation to you and your dad to visit a Heritage location near you. Our team will be happy to take you on a tour and answer all of your questions. We can even arrange for the two of you to participate in a community activity of your choosing. Call us today to set up a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jun 27, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
An older lady at my church was recently the victim of a phone scam. According to her daughter, she lost a considerable amount of money. While I consider my parents to be pretty savvy, even with technology, this news left me feeling concerned.
I’ve followed your blog for a year or so now and know you always have helpful suggestions for seniors and their families. Do you have any tips I can share with my parents? I’d like to do everything possible to keep this from happening to them.
Sincerely,
Judy in Muskegon, MI
Safety Suggestions to Help a Senior Avoid Being Scammed
Dear Judy,
Unfortunately, scams targeting seniors are much too common. According to the FBI, fraud complaints involving older victims rose 14% in 2023! Phone scams against seniors are on the rise, with fraudsters using increasingly sophisticated tactics to steal money or personal information. With greater awareness and a few preventative strategies, however, families can significantly reduce the risk. Here are seven essential tips for protecting the senior in your life from phone scams.
- Educate loved ones about common scams.
Start by talking openly about the types of scams that target seniors. Common ones include fake IRS calls, lottery or sweepstakes scams, tech support fraud, and impersonation of grandchildren or loved ones in distress. Scammers often create a sense of urgency, demanding immediate action like wiring money or giving personal details. Remind loved ones that government agencies, banks, and legitimate companies never request sensitive information over the phone.
- Encourage screening of calls.
Teach your loved one to let unknown numbers go to voicemail. Most legitimate callers will leave a message. Encourage them to only return calls to trusted contacts or those they recognize. Caller ID can help, but it’s not foolproof. Scammers can “spoof” numbers to look like they’re calling from a familiar organization. If a message sounds suspicious, it’s best to ignore it and consult a trusted family member.
- Use call blocking technology.
Install a call-blocking service or device that automatically filters out potential scam calls. Many phone providers offer built-in options, and products like CPR Call Blocker or Nomorobo can help reduce robocalls and unwanted numbers. Cell phones also have settings or apps available that can silence unknown or suspicious calls.
- Set up a trusted contact system.
Create a list of trusted contacts with your loved one—family, friends, doctors, or financial advisors—so they know who to turn to if they’re unsure about a call. Let them know it’s always okay to hang up and check with someone they trust before taking action. This extra step can prevent hasty decisions made under pressure.
- Encourage the “hang up rule.”
Stress that it’s okay—and often necessary—to hang up if something feels wrong. Scammers are trained to keep people on the phone. The longer the conversation, the more likely the victim may be manipulated. A good rule of thumb: if someone is pressuring you for money or personal details, just hang up.
- Monitor financial statements.
Encourage your parents to keep an eye on their financial accounts. Reviewing bank and credit card statements regularly can alert them to unauthorized transactions early. If you have any concerns about their ability to do this, ask if you can be added to their accounts or have your own login. Should you notice anything suspicious, help them contact their financial institution immediately to investigate.
- Stay connected and involved.
Isolation increases the risk of scams. Seniors who feel lonely may be more likely to engage with callers. Regular check-ins from family members help reduce this vulnerability. Creating open communication about finances and online safety also fosters trust and reduces the stigma if a mistake is made.
“How Seniors Can Stay Safe Shopping Online” is another article on the Heritage blog that you might find helpful in protecting your parents’ financial health. It has good tips for making online purchasing less risky.
I hope this helps, Judy! Thanks for sending us this question.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | May 28, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband and I are preparing to downsize and move to a senior living community within the next five years. Because we are trying to look ahead to make the transition easier, we are starting to formulate a downsizing plan. One aspect that we keep coming back to is what to do with our family heirlooms. Going from a fairly large home to an apartment or villa, we know space will prohibit us from keeping everything.
We have some treasures from my side of the family and others that belonged to my husband’s parents and grandparents. Our challenge is dividing things up and deciding what to keep and what to sell. I’m hoping since your communities have helped so many seniors through this process, you may have some suggestions for us. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Christine and Tim in Holland, MI
Tips for Dividing Family Heirlooms
Dear Christine and Tim:
You are right! We’ve shared the downsizing journey with many families since Heritage was founded back in 1946. And, like the two of you are finding, it’s often a real struggle. Family heirlooms—whether it’s a grandfather’s watch, a great-grandmother’s quilt, or a set of vintage china—carry deep emotional and historical value. These items are more than possessions; they’re tangible connections to your family’s past.
Planning ahead is essential to ensure these items are handled with care, respect, and practicality. Here are a few tips to help you thoughtfully manage the process.
- Start the conversation early.
Many people avoid talking about heirlooms because the conversations often tie into difficult topics like health, aging, and money. However, having honest, proactive discussions with each family member can prevent confusion or conflict later. Before you decide who gets what, ask yourself and your loved ones these questions:
- Which items have sentimental significance to each person?
- Is there someone who has always admired a particular item?
- Are there stories behind the heirlooms that should be preserved?
These conversations help uncover the emotional value behind the objects and can also bring families closer through shared memories.
Before making any decisions, create a detailed inventory of all your family heirlooms. Include photos, descriptions, estimated value (if known), and any known history. This record is useful for estate planning, insurance, and ensuring that nothing is overlooked or forgotten. It also provides a clear reference for discussions with family members.
- Determine value—sentimental and financial.
Not all heirlooms are valuable in a monetary sense, but many hold deep sentimental worth. It’s important to consider both. For items that may be valuable—such as antiques, artwork, or jewelry—it may be worthwhile to hire a professional appraiser. You could also consider talking to an auction house, searching for similar items on eBay, or asking an antiques dealer for an estimate. Knowing their financial value can help guide decisions about inheritance, donation, or sale.
- Decide what to keep, share, or let go.
Not every heirloom needs to stay in the family forever. Ask yourself and your family members:
- Does this item still serve a purpose or bring joy?
- Is there someone who would appreciate and care for it?
- Is the item too large or fragile to realistically keep?
Some items may be best donated to a museum, historical society, or organization that will preserve them. You might also want to consider hosting an estate sale for valuable items that aren’t of interest to anyone in your family.
A family heirloom without its story is just an object. Record the stories behind each piece, whether through written notes, audio recordings, or videos. This context can greatly increase the sentimental value and ensure that future generations understand why the item matters.
Once you’ve made decisions about heirlooms, make it official. Include your wishes in your will to avoid future disputes. Be specific about who should receive what and consider including your inventory list. If you haven’t done so already, meeting with an attorney who specializes in estate planning will likely be an important next step.
I hope this information is helpful to the two of you! Please be sure to keep Heritage communities in mind as you begin researching where to move to. Call any location of interest and one of our team members will be happy to schedule a private tour.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | May 28, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
Since my husband passed away two years ago, I’ve been living alone in the home we shared for over 40 years. It’s becoming more difficult to keep up with everything, both financially and physically.
A long-time friend who also lost her husband suggested that she and I move to an independent living community where we could share a two-bedroom apartment or villa. She said a local news segment talked about how older adults are doing this to make their money go further. Apparently, it’s a relationship referred to as boommates. She compared it to the old television show The Golden Girls.
While I’m not excited to leave my home, this does seem like it could be a good solution. Can you help me better understand the benefits of being a boommate?
Sincerely,
Shirley in Holland, MI
Boommates Benefit from Sharing Space
Dear Shirley:
With the cost of living rising, it’s easy to understand why older adults are choosing this route. It can definitely be a cost-saving approach to retirement. Active, independent people who are seeking solutions to retirement housing might find this to be a good fit. But older adults are adopting this approach to retirement for reasons beyond just finances.
Here is a quick overview of why you might want to consider sharing retirement housing with a friend or family member:
- Save money: One of the leading reasons older adults choose to share their retirement living space is purely economic. Splitting rent or mortgage, utilities, and other household expenses reduces individual financial burdens. This is especially useful for retirees on fixed incomes. This approach frees up some of your budget so you can enjoy hobbies and travel you may not have been able to pursue otherwise.
- Provide companionship: Isolation and loneliness can be serious health risks the older you are. Research shows that isolation among seniors is linked to a variety of diseases and health problems ranging from obesity and depression to diabetes and heart disease. Having a roommate to share life’s ups and downs with provides emotional support, which, in turn, helps seniors enjoy healthier lives.
- Share responsibilities: As you mentioned, one challenge people face as they grow older and live alone is keeping up with chores and home maintenance. These tasks can be time-consuming and sometimes even dangerous. Chores, errands, and cooking can be divided to make daily life easier and more manageable.
- Improve safety: Unfortunately, as we grow older, we are more likely to experience a fall or other health emergency. When seniors live alone, events like these can have serious consequences. Sharing your home with someone else can help you stay safer. In the event of a crisis, having someone there to help or call for assistance is a huge benefit.
- Extend independence: Residents in our senior living communities often tell us one of their top priorities is to protect their independence for as long as possible. When you’re on your own, that can be tough. Through mutual support, however, you may be able to physically and financially manage your independence.
Set Up a Tour of Independent Living at Heritage
If you and your friend do decide to explore the idea of becoming boommates, we invite you to schedule a visit to a Heritage community near you. We offer two-bedroom independent living options at a variety of our locations. Call today to set up a time for your personal tour!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 28, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband and I are just starting to search for a senior living community in Michigan. We’ve lived in the Saginaw area our entire married life but are willing to relocate to a different part of the state.
As we are getting started, we are trying to learn more about the different types of care and housing. What is the difference between an independent living community and an assisted living community?
We are both active now, but my husband has early-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Because of that, we know we have to plan for our current needs and the changes we know are coming. Any insight you can share will be helpful.
Sincerely,
Dennis and Diane in mid-Michigan
Understanding the Differences in Senior Living Communities
Dear Dennis and Diane:
As we age, our lifestyle and needs change. What was important in younger days might not be so anymore. It leads many people to consider moving into a community that supports their goals for the present and the future. Two common options are independent living and assisted living communities.
While both offer housing, services, and amenities tailored to older adults, they differ significantly in terms of the amount and type of care and support provided. Understanding these differences is crucial for families and individuals seeking the best fit for themselves or aging loved ones.
Independent Living Communities
Independent living communities, often referred to as retirement communities or senior apartments, are designed for older adults who are generally able to live on their own without the need for significant assistance. These communities offer a maintenance-free living environment. Residents have the independence they desire while still benefiting from a supportive setting.
This type of senior housing is ideal for people who are relatively healthy, active, and capable of performing daily tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and managing personal care. Residents of these communities typically live in private apartments or villas with the opportunity to socialize and engage in various activities with fellow residents.
Amenities like housekeeping, transportation services, fitness centers, and dining are usually available. But independent living doesn’t offer medical care or assistance with the activities of daily living, such as bathing, dressing, or toileting.
Residents are usually responsible for their own personal healthcare but may bring in outside help as needed. Some communities might offer assistance with medication by providing reminders at dosage time.
The primary goal of independent living is to provide a sense of community, freedom, and security while allowing residents to retain their autonomy. Social engagement is encouraged through organized events, outings, and recreational activities.
Assisted Living Communities
Assisted living communities, on the other hand, cater to seniors who require some assistance with daily activities or may have physical or cognitive challenges that make it difficult to live independently. They can’t provide intensive medical care or 24-hour medical supervision. Assisted living is suitable for seniors who may need help with tasks such as bathing, dressing, eating, or managing medications.
In an assisted living community, residents typically live in private suites with staff on hand to assist with personal care and other activities. Meals are provided, and many assisted living communities offer housekeeping, transportation, and recreational activities similar to those found in independent living communities.
While medical services are not as intensive as in a nursing home, assisted living communities have healthcare staff available to assist with managing medication, monitoring health conditions, and managing some types of clinical needs. Some communities may also offer specialized care for different types of dementia with trained staff available to assist with memory care.
Key Differences
The bottom line is that the main difference between independent living and assisted living lies in the level of care provided. Choosing between independent living and assisted living largely depends on an individual’s physical health and personal preferences. The best way to learn more is to schedule a visit and tour of both types of communities. I encourage you to call a Heritage location near you to set up a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Mar 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’ve been the caregiver for my 84-year-old husband for over eight years. He experienced a recurrence of his cancer that has gradually caused many complications. It has been such a long road, and my own health has declined quite significantly along the way. My daughter is always here to help me, but she works full time and has a family of her own.
There are days when I have no time for myself or criticize my ability to manage stress. I try to remind myself providing 24/7 care for a loved one is a huge undertaking, especially in my 80s. I just can’t seem to get to a place where I can be kinder to myself. I am heartsick at the demands our situation has placed on my daughter. She is exhausted, too.
Do you have any advice? We could surely use some.
Kind regards,
Sheri in Douglas, MI
Suggestions to Manage and Overcome Caregiver Guilt
Dear Sheri:
Wow! Your situation does sound very difficult. I can see why you and your daughter are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Just know that this struggle is common among people who are caring for a loved one, especially those who are long-term caregivers.
Caregiver guilt arises when a person feels that they are not doing enough for their loved one or not providing the level of care they think is required. It can manifest in many ways, such as feeling inadequate, questioning decisions, or struggling with feelings of resentment. Caregivers may feel torn between their responsibilities to their loved one and their desire for personal time, career obligations, or family needs. These feelings are often compounded by the demanding nature of caregiving.
The guilt is further exacerbated when caregivers put their own needs last, sacrificing their health, social life, and emotional well-being for the sake of their loved one. Caregivers may also feel guilt when they seek outside help, believing they should be able to handle everything on their own. This sense of personal responsibility can be exhausting and lead to feelings of isolation.
Coping Strategies for Caregiver Guilt and Exhaustion
I do have a few ideas that might help you navigate these difficult days:
- Acknowledge your feelings: The first step in managing guilt and exhaustion is acknowledging that these feelings are natural and valid. Caregiving is a difficult role, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Recognizing your emotions allows you to address them and seek support. Denying these feelings can lead to increased stress and burnout, so it’s crucial to give yourself permission to feel and process them.
- Set realistic expectations: It’s important to understand that you are doing your best, and you cannot be everything to everyone. Setting realistic expectations about what you can accomplish each day can help you avoid feelings of inadequacy. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself—focus on what you’ve done well rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
- Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Carving out time for self-care may feel impossible, but even small acts of self-kindness can help rejuvenate you. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or simply enjoying a warm bath, make time each day for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This practice will help replenish your energy and strengthen your ability to care for your loved one.
- Build a support system: Caregivers often feel guilty about seeking help, but relying on others can make a significant difference. Building a support system of family, friends, or professional caregivers can provide relief. Ask them for assistance, whether it’s for a few hours of respite or emotional support during tough times.
- Practice mindfulness: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga, can help manage stress and provide emotional grounding. These practices encourage caregivers to stay present and focused, reducing anxiety and overwhelming thoughts. Taking even a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness can make a big difference in emotional regulation and overall well-being.
- Utilize respite care: One final suggestion is to give yourself permission to use respite care at an assisted living community. These short stay programs give caregivers a chance to take a break and restore their own sense of well-being knowing a loved one is in good hands.
I hope this information is useful to you, Sheri! Please call a Heritage location near you if you’d like to learn more about our respite services in Michigan.
Kind regards,
Donna
