by Shelley | May 28, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
Since my husband passed away two years ago, I’ve been living alone in the home we shared for over 40 years. It’s becoming more difficult to keep up with everything, both financially and physically.
A long-time friend who also lost her husband suggested that she and I move to an independent living community where we could share a two-bedroom apartment or villa. She said a local news segment talked about how older adults are doing this to make their money go further. Apparently, it’s a relationship referred to as boommates. She compared it to the old television show The Golden Girls.
While I’m not excited to leave my home, this does seem like it could be a good solution. Can you help me better understand the benefits of being a boommate?
Sincerely,
Shirley in Holland, MI
Boommates Benefit from Sharing Space
Dear Shirley:
With the cost of living rising, it’s easy to understand why older adults are choosing this route. It can definitely be a cost-saving approach to retirement. Active, independent people who are seeking solutions to retirement housing might find this to be a good fit. But older adults are adopting this approach to retirement for reasons beyond just finances.
Here is a quick overview of why you might want to consider sharing retirement housing with a friend or family member:
- Save money: One of the leading reasons older adults choose to share their retirement living space is purely economic. Splitting rent or mortgage, utilities, and other household expenses reduces individual financial burdens. This is especially useful for retirees on fixed incomes. This approach frees up some of your budget so you can enjoy hobbies and travel you may not have been able to pursue otherwise.
- Provide companionship: Isolation and loneliness can be serious health risks the older you are. Research shows that isolation among seniors is linked to a variety of diseases and health problems ranging from obesity and depression to diabetes and heart disease. Having a roommate to share life’s ups and downs with provides emotional support, which, in turn, helps seniors enjoy healthier lives.
- Share responsibilities: As you mentioned, one challenge people face as they grow older and live alone is keeping up with chores and home maintenance. These tasks can be time-consuming and sometimes even dangerous. Chores, errands, and cooking can be divided to make daily life easier and more manageable.
- Improve safety: Unfortunately, as we grow older, we are more likely to experience a fall or other health emergency. When seniors live alone, events like these can have serious consequences. Sharing your home with someone else can help you stay safer. In the event of a crisis, having someone there to help or call for assistance is a huge benefit.
- Extend independence: Residents in our senior living communities often tell us one of their top priorities is to protect their independence for as long as possible. When you’re on your own, that can be tough. Through mutual support, however, you may be able to physically and financially manage your independence.
Set Up a Tour of Independent Living at Heritage
If you and your friend do decide to explore the idea of becoming boommates, we invite you to schedule a visit to a Heritage community near you. We offer two-bedroom independent living options at a variety of our locations. Call today to set up a time for your personal tour!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Apr 28, 2025 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband and I are just starting to search for a senior living community in Michigan. We’ve lived in the Saginaw area our entire married life but are willing to relocate to a different part of the state.
As we are getting started, we are trying to learn more about the different types of care and housing. What is the difference between an independent living community and an assisted living community?
We are both active now, but my husband has early-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Because of that, we know we have to plan for our current needs and the changes we know are coming. Any insight you can share will be helpful.
Sincerely,
Dennis and Diane in mid-Michigan
Understanding the Differences in Senior Living Communities
Dear Dennis and Diane:
As we age, our lifestyle and needs change. What was important in younger days might not be so anymore. It leads many people to consider moving into a community that supports their goals for the present and the future. Two common options are independent living and assisted living communities.
While both offer housing, services, and amenities tailored to older adults, they differ significantly in terms of the amount and type of care and support provided. Understanding these differences is crucial for families and individuals seeking the best fit for themselves or aging loved ones.
Independent Living Communities
Independent living communities, often referred to as retirement communities or senior apartments, are designed for older adults who are generally able to live on their own without the need for significant assistance. These communities offer a maintenance-free living environment. Residents have the independence they desire while still benefiting from a supportive setting.
This type of senior housing is ideal for people who are relatively healthy, active, and capable of performing daily tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and managing personal care. Residents of these communities typically live in private apartments or villas with the opportunity to socialize and engage in various activities with fellow residents.
Amenities like housekeeping, transportation services, fitness centers, and dining are usually available. But independent living doesn’t offer medical care or assistance with the activities of daily living, such as bathing, dressing, or toileting.
Residents are usually responsible for their own personal healthcare but may bring in outside help as needed. Some communities might offer assistance with medication by providing reminders at dosage time.
The primary goal of independent living is to provide a sense of community, freedom, and security while allowing residents to retain their autonomy. Social engagement is encouraged through organized events, outings, and recreational activities.
Assisted Living Communities
Assisted living communities, on the other hand, cater to seniors who require some assistance with daily activities or may have physical or cognitive challenges that make it difficult to live independently. They can’t provide intensive medical care or 24-hour medical supervision. Assisted living is suitable for seniors who may need help with tasks such as bathing, dressing, eating, or managing medications.
In an assisted living community, residents typically live in private suites with staff on hand to assist with personal care and other activities. Meals are provided, and many assisted living communities offer housekeeping, transportation, and recreational activities similar to those found in independent living communities.
While medical services are not as intensive as in a nursing home, assisted living communities have healthcare staff available to assist with managing medication, monitoring health conditions, and managing some types of clinical needs. Some communities may also offer specialized care for different types of dementia with trained staff available to assist with memory care.
Key Differences
The bottom line is that the main difference between independent living and assisted living lies in the level of care provided. Choosing between independent living and assisted living largely depends on an individual’s physical health and personal preferences. The best way to learn more is to schedule a visit and tour of both types of communities. I encourage you to call a Heritage location near you to set up a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Mar 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’ve been the caregiver for my 84-year-old husband for over eight years. He experienced a recurrence of his cancer that has gradually caused many complications. It has been such a long road, and my own health has declined quite significantly along the way. My daughter is always here to help me, but she works full time and has a family of her own.
There are days when I have no time for myself or criticize my ability to manage stress. I try to remind myself providing 24/7 care for a loved one is a huge undertaking, especially in my 80s. I just can’t seem to get to a place where I can be kinder to myself. I am heartsick at the demands our situation has placed on my daughter. She is exhausted, too.
Do you have any advice? We could surely use some.
Kind regards,
Sheri in Douglas, MI
Suggestions to Manage and Overcome Caregiver Guilt
Dear Sheri:
Wow! Your situation does sound very difficult. I can see why you and your daughter are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Just know that this struggle is common among people who are caring for a loved one, especially those who are long-term caregivers.
Caregiver guilt arises when a person feels that they are not doing enough for their loved one or not providing the level of care they think is required. It can manifest in many ways, such as feeling inadequate, questioning decisions, or struggling with feelings of resentment. Caregivers may feel torn between their responsibilities to their loved one and their desire for personal time, career obligations, or family needs. These feelings are often compounded by the demanding nature of caregiving.
The guilt is further exacerbated when caregivers put their own needs last, sacrificing their health, social life, and emotional well-being for the sake of their loved one. Caregivers may also feel guilt when they seek outside help, believing they should be able to handle everything on their own. This sense of personal responsibility can be exhausting and lead to feelings of isolation.
Coping Strategies for Caregiver Guilt and Exhaustion
I do have a few ideas that might help you navigate these difficult days:
- Acknowledge your feelings: The first step in managing guilt and exhaustion is acknowledging that these feelings are natural and valid. Caregiving is a difficult role, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Recognizing your emotions allows you to address them and seek support. Denying these feelings can lead to increased stress and burnout, so it’s crucial to give yourself permission to feel and process them.
- Set realistic expectations: It’s important to understand that you are doing your best, and you cannot be everything to everyone. Setting realistic expectations about what you can accomplish each day can help you avoid feelings of inadequacy. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself—focus on what you’ve done well rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
- Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Carving out time for self-care may feel impossible, but even small acts of self-kindness can help rejuvenate you. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or simply enjoying a warm bath, make time each day for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This practice will help replenish your energy and strengthen your ability to care for your loved one.
- Build a support system: Caregivers often feel guilty about seeking help, but relying on others can make a significant difference. Building a support system of family, friends, or professional caregivers can provide relief. Ask them for assistance, whether it’s for a few hours of respite or emotional support during tough times.
- Practice mindfulness: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga, can help manage stress and provide emotional grounding. These practices encourage caregivers to stay present and focused, reducing anxiety and overwhelming thoughts. Taking even a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness can make a big difference in emotional regulation and overall well-being.
- Utilize respite care: One final suggestion is to give yourself permission to use respite care at an assisted living community. These short stay programs give caregivers a chance to take a break and restore their own sense of well-being knowing a loved one is in good hands.
I hope this information is useful to you, Sheri! Please call a Heritage location near you if you’d like to learn more about our respite services in Michigan.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Feb 28, 2025 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m preparing to call local senior living communities next week to begin the process of finding a place for my mom and dad. After the rough winter we just experienced, it’s become obvious that they just aren’t safe on their own. While I’m back and forth often, I live an hour away and winter can make getting to them very difficult sometimes.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been visiting websites for the senior living communities close to them and those close to me. I think I have a fairly good idea of which ones I’d like to visit in person. I’m just not sure what questions to ask. Some are obvious, such as pricing and availability. I’m hoping you can suggest other questions for me to ask to ensure we make a good decision.
Sincerely,
Jamie in Suttons Bay, MI
Asking the Right Questions on a Senior Living Tour
Dear Jamie:
When it’s time for a parent or other loved one to transition to senior living, families may find the search process overwhelming and confusing. But feeling confident in your decision is important. I usually begin by encouraging families to reach out to friends and colleagues who have been through the process with a senior loved one and are familiar with the local communities. The insight they can offer will be invaluable.
Next, you are right in thinking the questions you ask are essential. Here is what I typically recommend older adults and their families get answers to as they meet with staff:
- How does the community screen, hire, and train caregivers?
I start with this one because it is so important. The experience, compassion, and commitment of the team members at a community directly impact the quality of care residents receive. Not everyone is comfortable working with older adults or people who have disabilities. As you tour communities, make sure to ask how they evaluate candidates for empathy and compassion. That’s much more difficult than checking references and confirming experience.
Also find out about the actual hiring process, especially how background checks are completed. You want to know that the caregivers responsible for providing assistance to your parents are trustworthy. Finally, ask questions to see how new team members are trained and how they continue to update their skills.
- How many residents is each caregiver responsible for?
Another important consideration is how many residents each caregiver is responsible for on a typical day. When the number is too high, resident care can suffer.
Ask how many clinical team members and aides are on duty, and make sure that the number doesn’t include management staff who don’t deliver hands-on care.
Another reason lower caregiver-to-resident ratios are important is that it allows for greater continuity of care. Caregivers have time to get to know residents better. This makes it easier to detect small changes in their well-being and intervene before they become serious.
- What is the community’s turnover rate among team members?
While working with seniors can be a rewarding career path, caregiving jobs are usually physically and emotionally demanding. As a result, turnover is higher in the senior living industry than in other professions. The best communities, however, find ways to overcome this and reward staff for their commitment. So, be sure to inquire about the turnover rate at each community you visit.
- What is and isn’t included in monthly fees?
As you visit different senior living communities, you’ll soon discover each one has its own pricing structure. Some bundle care and services into one monthly fee, while others have different level of care charges based on how many activities of daily living a resident requires assistance with. That’s why it’s important to understand what is included in the monthly fee.
Equally important is knowing what additional fees you are likely to incur in an average month, such as for laundry or transportation. When you understand what is and isn’t included, you can more evenly compare one community with another.
Visit a Heritage Community Near You
I hope this information helps you feel more confident in your decision-making, Jamie. I’d like to invite you to visit any of our Heritage locations as you search for a community that is a good fit for your parents. Call us today to schedule a time!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 28, 2025 | Alzheimer's and Dementia, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I recently lost my father after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. While I understand that researchers still don’t know much about what causes the disease, I have heard brain-stimulating activities are important.
After watching what my dad went through, I am determined to make brain health a priority. Do you have any suggestions for what I can do? Any ideas would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Robert in Byron Center, MI
Steps Researchers Say May Help Protect Brain Health
Dear Robert:
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your father. Alzheimer’s is a very difficult disease for both the person living with it and those who love them. It is easy to understand why you want to do all you can to prevent it.
You are correct in saying that many researchers believe incorporating engaging activities into your daily routine can stimulate memory and protect brain health. As you grow older, that might help you maintain your quality of life. While no one can say for sure, there are some activities researchers generally agree are worth trying:
- Regular exercise: Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to promote brain health. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain, which can help stimulate the growth of new neurons and improve memory and cognitive function. Aerobic exercises, such as walking, jogging, cycling, and swimming, have been shown to enhance function in the hippocampus, a region of the brain essential for memory formation. Strength training and balance exercises can also improve coordination, prevent falls, and help with cognitive health. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity per week.
- Mental exercises: Keeping the brain challenged with activities that require problem solving and concentration can boost cognitive function. Mental exercises like crossword puzzles, Sudoku, and brain-training apps are excellent for stimulating memory and logic skills. So are games like checkers, chess, and cards. These puzzles work to strengthen brain cells by requiring focus and mental effort.
- Lifelong learning: Reading and learning new things are fantastic ways to keep the brain productive in meaningful ways. Whether reading books, articles, or magazines, the process of comprehension, retention, and critical thinking strengthens neural connections. Lifelong learning doesn’t have to be expensive or overly difficult. You can take up a new hobby, tackle a foreign language, or learn to play a musical instrument. These lifelong learning practices help the brain form new pathways and reinforce cognitive health.
- Social engagement: Staying socially engaged plays a significant role in maintaining cognitive health. Meaningful social interactions and conversations can stimulate the brain by encouraging emotional processing, memory recall, and critical thinking. Regular socializing with family and friends or joining clubs or group activities helps to reduce feelings of isolation and depression, both of which can contribute to cognitive decline. Activities like volunteering, attending social events, and participating in community groups also promote a sense of belonging, which benefits mental health.
- Stress management: Chronic stress negatively impacts the brain, particularly memory and learning. Practices like walking, yoga, and meditation can help reduce those feelings. Meditation techniques, such as deep breathing and mindfulness-based stress reduction, have also been shown to improve cognitive function, memory retention, and emotional regulation.
- Creative endeavors: Engaging in creative projects can stimulate both sides of the brain, improving memory, problem-solving skills, and overall cognitive function. Drawing, painting, crafting, and writing are all great ways to keep the mind engaged. These activities require concentration, creativity, and recall, which benefit brain health. Even activities like cooking or gardening, which require planning, decision-making, and fine motor skills, provide brain stimulation.
- Healthy diet: While not an activity in the traditional sense, a balanced diet is fundamental to brain health. Foods that are high in antioxidants, omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins, and minerals support cognitive function and protect the brain from oxidative stress and inflammation. Foods like leafy greens, berries, fish, nuts, and seeds have been linked to improved memory and brain function. Staying hydrated and avoiding excessive alcohol and sugar consumption is also important in maintaining optimal brain health.
- Good sleep: A good night’s rest plays a critical role in overall brain health. During sleep, the brain processes and stores memories, and lack of sleep can impair memory and cognitive function. Adults should aim for 7–9 hours of quality sleep each night. Establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and maintaining a comfortable sleep environment can all improve sleep quality and, in turn, boost brain function.
Two more resources to help you learn more about this topic are “Does Regular Exercise Help Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease?” and “Can Engaging in Art Projects Prevent Alzheimer’s?”
One last tip is to bookmark our blog and visit often. We share the latest news on a variety of topics, including Alzheimer’s prevention.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Dec 27, 2024 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
After my mom passed away from cancer this fall, I’ve been the primary caregiver for my 91-year-old father. While Dad is still somewhat independent, his vision loss prevents him from driving and makes household tasks tough. I visit him on the way home from work every day, and my brother goes on weekends.
My schedule feels overwhelming and the stress is getting to me. When I had my annual physical, my doctor discovered I’ve developed high blood pressure. I know I need to find ways to make this role more manageable, including creating a support network.
Do you have any advice for me? I’m not sure how to get started.
Sincerely,
Caitlyn in Glen Arbor, MI
Tips for Building a Caregiver Support Network
Dear Caitlyn:
Caring for a family member can be a deeply rewarding experience, but caregiving can also come with significant emotional and physical challenges. Whether you’re caring for an aging parent, a spouse with a life-limiting illness, or a child with special needs, the demands can be overwhelming.
One of the most important steps to protecting your own health and well-being during this journey is building a caregiver support network. This network can provide you with emotional support, practical help, and valuable resources, all of which can help you navigate the complexities of caregiving.
Here are a few steps to help you get started.
- Acknowledge the need for support.
The first step in building a caregiver support network is acknowledging that you need help. Caregiving can feel isolating, especially when you try to handle everything on your own. Many people experience feelings of guilt or fear that asking for help means they are failing their loved ones. However, accepting assistance does not diminish the love or commitment you have for your dad. In fact, reaching out to others strengthens your ability to provide the best care possible.
- Reach out to family and friends.
The first people you can turn to when building your support network are your family members and close friends. Even though they might not be able to assist on a daily basis, they may be willing to help with specific tasks or provide emotional support. It’s important to communicate clearly about the type of help you need.
- Join online and in-person caregiver groups.
Support groups can be a vital resource for caregivers. These groups offer a space where you can talk about your experiences, exchange advice, and receive encouragement from people who understand your situation. Many caregivers benefit from talking to others who are going through similar struggles. It can alleviate feelings of isolation and provide new insights into managing caregiving responsibilities.
There are many online caregiver support groups where you can connect with people from around the world. In-person groups can also be an option if you prefer face-to-face interaction. Hospitals, community centers, and religious organizations often host caregiver support meetings that allow you to meet others in your local area.
- Seek professional help and resources.
In addition to your personal support network, it’s important to tap into professional resources that can ease your caregiving duties. Social workers, healthcare professionals, and organizations dedicated to seniors can provide valuable advice.
You might also consider respite care at an assisted living community. These services offer around-the-clock support from professional caregivers on a temporary basis so the family caregiver can rest and recharge.
- Utilize community resources.
Your dad might benefit from some of the services available to seniors. These include meal delivery programs, transportation to medical appointments, and help with household chores or lawn care. And they would certainly help make your schedule more manageable. Contact your local agency on aging to learn more about what is available.
Finally, one of the most important members of your support network is you. To care for your dad, you must first care for yourself. Ensure that you take time for regular exercise, even if it’s just 15 minutes once or twice a day. Use meal delivery services to make it easier to eat healthy foods when your days are busy. While it might be tough, getting a good night’s sleep is also essential.
I hope these tips are helpful to you, Caitlyn! Please contact the Heritage community nearest you if you have any additional questions. One of our experienced team members will be happy to help.
Kind regards,
Donna
