by Shelley | Dec 6, 2021 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m heading home over Christmas to visit my mom in Traverse City, Michigan. When I was there this summer, I decided it’s time to talk with her about moving to an assisted living community.
While I’m hoping she is receptive to the idea, just the thought of bringing it up with her gives me anxiety. Mom still lives in the house she and my dad bought shortly after they were married. I know the emotional attachment she has to it.
Do you have any suggestions for how to initiate this discussion?
Sincerely,
Stacey
Dear Stacey:
Your apprehension isn’t uncommon. We often hear from adult children who say they dreaded starting “the talk” so much they kept putting it off. Then a crisis occurred, and they were scrambling to research and visit senior care options. It’s an unfortunate situation as you are less likely to make an informed choice in the middle of a crisis.
The best time to explore assisted living communities is before a loved one needs to move. Not only will the transition be smoother, but they will also find their quality of life improves. From nutrition to life enrichment activities, assisted living has much to offer. I have some tips that will help you feel more confident beginning the conversation with your mom.
4 Tips for Talking to a Senior about Assisted Living
- Research your options.
Before you initiate this conversation, spend some time online learning more about the different types of senior living. With enough background information, you may be able to answer your mom’s basic questions. This includes pricing, as it’s usually one of the first concerns seniors express about assisted living. Once you have a few communities that seem like good choices for your mom, call each one for more details.
COVID-19 protocols may limit the number of visitors some assisted living communities are allowing. Fortunately, most offer virtual tours which give you a better understanding of the community. That should provide you with enough information to discuss the community with your mom.
- Show empathy.
It’s tough to really understand how difficult giving up the family home can be for your mom, but it does help if you try to put yourself in her shoes. Be kind and empathetic, even if the conversation isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped. Even if your mom is fearful of living alone, the very idea of making a change can be difficult.
Another issue to keep in mind is that many seniors believe myths about assisted living communities. These misperceptions may make them fearful of moving. A few additional concerns seniors say prevent them from considering assisted living include:
- Being forced to participate in activities
- Losing their privacy and independence
- Running out of money and having to move again
- Worrying that family and friends won’t visit often
Take time to listen to your mother’s concerns and give reassurance.
- Be patient and listen.
Before you start the discussion, understand and accept that it’s rare for an older adult to agree to move during the first conversation. A decision is usually made after a series of talks and visits to assisted living communities. By being patient and actively listening, you will be better able to identify and address your mom’s concerns.
An easy, non-threatening way to begin the talk is by asking your mom how she feels about living alone. Is she afraid at night? Is she struggling to manage necessary household responsibilities? Does she feel lonely? Also, ask if any of her friends have moved to assisted living. This will allow you to gauge her feelings about the issue and ease into the conversation.
- Watch your body language.
It’s easy to become frustrated when you are worried about a senior loved one’s health and safety. Being mindful of your body language can also help this talk go a little smoother.
If your mom doesn’t immediately agree to a move, it’s important not to get mad or be heavy handed in trying to convince her. While you may not verbalize your impatience, your tone and body language can give you away. Crossing your arms, using a sharp tone of voice, and avoiding eye contact are a few behaviors to be aware of if things don’t go like you hope.
Assisted Living at Heritage Senior Communities
I hope these suggestions help you and your mom work together to find a solution. Depending upon where your search for assisted living takes you, I’d also like to extend an open invitation to consider Heritage Senior Communities. With locations throughout Michigan and one in Indiana, you’ll likely find an assisted living community your mom will be happy to call home!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Nov 1, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad passed away earlier this year and my mom is struggling. They were married almost 60 years, and she is having a difficult time coping with this loss. I don’t know what to do to help her. She is just lost without him.
I believe part of the challenge is that we lost him unexpectedly. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away within two weeks. We had no time to prepare ourselves for what we were about to experience.
Do you have any suggestions? With the holidays upon us, I’m sure the situation is about to get worse.
Kind regards,
Allyson in Holly, MI
Supporting a Grieving Parent
Dear Allyson:
I’d like to begin by expressing my condolences on the loss of your dad. While I know your concern is for your mother, it’s important to honor your own feelings and grief, too. Losing a parent is difficult at any age.
Since you asked for ideas to support your mother, I’ve pulled together some suggestions. Here are a few ways to help your mother cope with her loss:
- Accept that grieving is essential for healing: The grieving process is hard work. Anger, sorrow, fear, guilt, and disbelief are common emotions those who are mourning experience. Watching someone you love work through this isn’t easy. But it’s important to remind yourself it is a necessary part of the healing process. Support your mother, but also realize how vital it is to give her time to work through these difficult emotions.
- Talk about your dad together: Even the closest family members struggle with what to say when someone has experienced such a significant loss. You might be hesitant to bring up your father’s name for fear of upsetting your mother. But if you talk about him, it will give her permission to do the same without worrying she’s upsetting you. Sharing favorite memories and photos can be healing for both of you.
- Refrain from setting unrealistic goals: Another mistake people make after losing a loved one is to set goals for processing grief. There is no set time frame for feeling “better” or packing up a lost family member’s belongings. Try to refrain from setting artificial and often unrealistic timelines. Unless you must make a decision or complete a task due to a firm deadline, do things when the two of you are ready. That includes cleaning out a loved one’s closet, canceling a cell phone, or selling a car. You’ll know when the time feels right.
- Connect with a support group: Surviving spouses and adult children often say it is helpful to discuss their feelings with people who have experienced a similar loss. An in-person or virtual bereavement support group may help the two of you feel comfortable and understood as you are grieving. Hospice agencies usually offer them at a variety of times and locations, including online. Most don’t require your loved one to have been a patient for you to join.
One final suggestion is to consider talking with a therapist if you feel like your own grief or your mom’s is becoming too much to bear. Sites like Grieving.com and Grief in Common are good ones to explore if you need to find an experienced therapist.
I hope this information is helpful, Allyson. I wish you and your mother the best.
Kind regards,
Donna
Heritage Senior Communities
A family-owned senior living business for four generations, Heritage Senior Communities is experienced at helping older adults live their best quality of life. In our Michigan and Indiana communities, you will find experienced team members committed to the health and wellness of each resident we are privileged to serve. Call the community nearest you to schedule an in-person or virtual visit today!
by Shelley | Oct 18, 2021 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My father moved in with my husband and me due to concerns about his poor nutrition and weight loss. While his health has improved, he’s still unsteady on his feet. He’s just not safe alone.
We have an out-of-town wedding coming up that we would love to attend. I’ve started researching respite care at local assisted living communities for my dad to stay at while we are gone. I’m hoping it’s the right option.
Most of what I’ve read indicates respite gives caregivers a break. My concern is whether we can go out of town while my dad is at the assisted living community. It’s only a few hours’ drive, but I am wondering how the staff would handle it if dad had an emergency while we were away.
Any insight into respite care would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Laine in Ypsilanti, Michigan
Understanding Respite Care in Assisted Living
Dear Laine:
Great question! Respite is designed to give caregivers a break, and that includes going out of town. If an emergency were to occur, the staff at the assisted living community would follow well-established protocols. They’ll contact you immediately and keep you informed, just as they would the family of any long-term resident.
Respite guests also benefit from the same level of personal care and support as permanent residents, such as:
- Furnished space: Respite guests have a fully furnished apartment or suite with safety features, like an emergency call system, grab bars, and handrails. You can also bring some of your dad’s favorite belongings to make it feel like home, such as photos or a favorite blanket.
- Onsite caregivers 24/7: You’ll have peace of mind knowing caregivers are nearby day and night. Should your dad need a helping hand getting to the bathroom or taking his morning shower, staff will be close by.
- Nutritious meals: Three well-balanced meals and healthy snacks are provided every day. Respite guests usually have their choice of meals and mealtimes.
- Daily life enrichment activities: There are a variety of opportunities to participate in daily life enrichment programs and wellness activities. Some popular ones are art workshops, fitness programs, book clubs, and gardening.
- Transportation: Another advantage of respite care is transportation services. If your dad needs to get to the dentist or attend another appointment, transportation can likely be arranged.
- Medication assistance: Respite care also includes some form of medication management. As mistakes with medication are more common with age, this is an important service to take advantage of during a respite stay.
- Laundry and housekeeping: Respite guests also benefit from laundry and housekeeping services. The frequency of both varies by community and resident need.
If you have more questions about respite care, call the nearest Heritage Senior Community. One of our experienced team members will be happy to help!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Oct 5, 2021 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My mother asked me to help her navigate the Medicare Open Enrollment period this year, which I am happy to do. The problem is I don’t know much about Medicare. I’m not yet eligible for the benefit, so I’m not sure where to start.
Can you offer any suggestions on what we should know and look for to ensure we make good choices?
Sincerely,
Laurie in Brighton, MI
Overview of Medicare Open Enrollment
Dear Laurie:
While Medicare provides recipients with many benefits, it can be tough to navigate at first! Once you’ve been through open enrollment a few times, it becomes easier.
The first thing to know is Medicare Open Enrollment takes place from October 15th to December 7th every year. During this time, Medicare recipients can make changes to their existing plan. While you aren’t required to make any changes, it’s important to check that your mom’s preferred doctors, hospitals, and pharmacies will continue to participate in Medicare for 2022.
Your mother should have received two important documents in the mail: “Evidence of Coverage” (EOC) and “Annual Notice of Changes” (ANOC). These list any scheduled changes to your mother’s plan for the upcoming year. But these documents probably aren’t the only ones filling your mother’s mailbox.
Because more seniors are enrolling in Medicare Advantage plans, Advantage providers have significantly increased their marketing efforts. So, your mother is likely receiving packets of literature from these providers, too. Review those packets of information to explore other options for 2022. Make sure to read more about Medicare Advantage plans on the official Medicare website if you and your mom are considering enrolling her in one.
Tips for Medicare Open Enrollment
To make the most of Medicare Open Enrollment this fall, you should:
- Start your review early: For most seniors, this is the one time of year they can make changes. Don’t wait until late November to get started only to discover that you have questions or concerns you need answered before your mom can re-enroll.
- Utilize the four C’s: The National Council on Aging (NCOA) encourages Medicare recipients to keep the four C’s in mind as they are reviewing options. They are cost, coverage, convenience, and choice. Compare last year’s medical bills, provider locations, and any anticipated medications or services your mom might need in 2022 with the four C’s.
- Review drug coverage: If your mother doesn’t take many prescription medications, it’s easy to overlook how expensive they can be. Should your mother have a change in health or require surgery, medication costs can quickly add up. That’s why it’s important to take time to explore your options. Also investigate Medicare Advantage plans if your current plan doesn’t cover prescriptions or has a high co-pay. Other plans may offer better coverage.
If you find this process confusing, you aren’t alone. The good news is Medicare has tools and team members that can help. The Medicare Finder Tool allows Medicare eligible seniors to search by zip code to find plans in their area. You can also review each plan’s quality score or star rating.
I hope this information helps, Laurie! Good luck finding your way through Medicare Open Enrollment.
Kind regards,
Donna
Heritage Senior Communities Blog
If you found this article helpful, we invite you to bookmark our blog and stop back each week. We publish new information on topics ranging from hiring a contractor for a senior’s home to utilizing respite care.
by Shelley | Sep 6, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
We are hoping to move my mom to an assisted living community in Michigan this fall. Our goal is to find a place and get her settled before the weather is too bad. She has lived alone since my father passed away, and the last few winters have been challenging.
I am the closest family member to her home, but still over an hour away in good weather. A few bad storms last year caused my mom to be stuck indoors for several days. It was a bad experience for her and for the rest of the family.
My mom is very reluctant to consider moving, even though she’s somewhat fearful of living alone. Do communities ever allow seniors to do a test run before making a permanent move? It might be the only way we can get her to seriously consider moving to assisted living.
Sincerely,
Shannon in Saginaw, MI
How to Try an Assisted Living Community Before Moving
Dear Shannon:
What a great question! Families don’t always realize there is an option to consider if a senior loved one is hesitant about moving to assisted living. Designed to give caregivers a break, respite care allows older adults to stay at a community for a few weeks or months. Some families even take advantage of respite programs regularly until the senior is ready to make a permanent move.
What Is Respite Care?
Respite care was originally intended to offer support and peace of mind to family caregivers. When a spouse or adult child needs a break, assisted living community respite programs provide the senior with a safe place to stay. Depending on state regulations, respite guests can usually remain at an assisted living community for a few days or several months.
Despite the benefits of respite, few families are aware of or take advantage of it. According to a study by the National Alliance of Caregiving and AARP, only 12 percent of family caregivers utilize these services. Many times, guilt keeps families from taking a much-needed break. However, experts say routine use of respite services can make a family member a better caregiver because they have time to rest and take care of their own health.
What’s Included in Respite Services?
Respite guests enjoy the same support and amenities as long-term residents:
- A furnished, private living space or suite
- Well-balanced meals and snacks
- 24/7 caregiver support
- Medication management assistance
- Community activities
- Transportation services for local appointments
- Emergency call systems to summon help, if needed
Your mom might feel more comfortable moving if she’s going to a community she is familiar with. The staff can also take extra steps to make her stay more meaningful. They can introduce her to residents with whom she shares common interests or get her involved in activities.
I hope this is helpful, Shannon! Please call the Heritage community nearest you to schedule a tour or to ask more questions.
Kind regards,
Donna
Respite Care at Heritage Senior Communities
At Heritage Senior Communities, we are proud to offer respite care and adult day services. Both are intended to provide support to the caregiver and the older adult. Both services are offered at each of our Michigan communities.
by Shelley | Jul 5, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I’m planning a summer gathering for several generations of our family at our Michigan home. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, we haven’t spent time together in over a year. While things are improving, we are still being cautious. I thought it might be best to spend the bulk of our time outdoors.
I’m struggling to come up with intergenerational activities everyone can enjoy together outside. Because of your experience with seniors, I thought I would see if you had any suggestions.
Fondly,
Bonnie in West Branch, MI
Intergenerational Summer Activities
Dear Bonnie:
That sounds like a fun, safe approach to getting your family together this summer! I’ve talked with so many families who are excited to reunite after the long separation.
I do have a few suggestions to help you plan your family reunion including some fun outdoor activities for the grandkids:
- Croquet or bocce ball: Depending upon how much space you have, it might be fun to have a croquet or bocce ball tournament. You can split families up into teams and host a single elimination contest. Check with your local thrift store or online garage sale site if you don’t have either game.
- Outdoor movie night: The price of movie projectors has fallen so dramatically that it is more affordable than ever to host your own backyard movie night. These reviews will help you find a highly rated projector. Depending upon ages of loved ones, you can show a Disney movie or stream the latest thriller on Netflix. Don’t forget to pop some corn and pick up candy and drinks.
- Backyard games: Old-fashioned, interactive games are another avenue to consider. They might be especially fun for the older generation. Potato sack races, an egg and spoon relay race, and ring toss are a few your family might enjoy. They are easy and inexpensive to incorporate.
- Scavenger hunt: Another fun way to spend a few hours is by having a family scavenger hunt. It can be as simple or as complicated as you’d like. Goose Chase and Verywell Family both have great resources for planning a unique scavenger hunt. Add to the excitement with prizes for the winning team!
I hope these outdoor activities with the grandkids help jump-start your planning and that your entire family enjoys the time together!
Kind regards,
Donna
Visit a Heritage Senior Living Community This Summer
Summer is a great time to move to a senior living community! We invite you to schedule an in-person or virtual tour of a Heritage Senior Living community near you. Call us today to set up a time!
