by Shelley | Mar 1, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My 85-year-old dad is very independent. While I understand his age shouldn’t be the sole criteria in determining his health and well-being, one area I am concerned about is driving.
How can I tell if my dad is a safe driver? Are there steps I can take to make him less likely to experience an accident? I want to support his desire for independence as long as possible, but I also want to keep him safe.
Do you have any advice?
Thank you in advance,
Vickie
Tips to Evaluate Older Driver Safety
Hi, Vickie:
You are correct in not relying on your father’s age to determine whether or not he is a safe driver. While age can play a role, it’s not the only factor to consider. Other signals can indicate it’s time for your dad to stop driving, and adaptive aids address some common senior issues.
- Be the passenger.
An easy and non-confrontational way to evaluate your father’s driving is to ride along as the passenger. Look for warning signs that can indicate a problem, including:
- Bumping into curbs while parking or turning
- Pausing too long at stop signs and red lights
- Inability to maintain their lane
- Repeated and unnecessary braking
- Tailgating cars in front of them
- Driving too fast or too slowly
- Evaluate the driver’s comfort level.
When an older driver thinks they have no other option than to keep driving, they might become afraid behind the wheel. Skittishness can affect their driving. A few things to look for are:
- Anger: Road rage can happen to older drivers too. It might be their way of coping with their anxiety and stress about driving.
- Anxiety: Does your dad seems nervous when he’s driving? Nerves can impact safety.
- Confusion: Adult children may panic and assume a parent is developing dementia if they seem confused while driving. While it may be an early sign of Alzheimer’s or another type of dementia, it could also be fear.
If your father exhibits any of these signs, it’s probably time to sit down and talk with him to determine how he feels about driving.
- Consider medical conditions.
Some medical conditions and medications can impact a senior’s ability to drive safely. If your dad takes any prescription or over-the-counter medicine, check the labels to see if there are any cautions about driving. If he takes more than a few types of medicine, call the pharmacist to see if there may be any potential interactions or adverse reactions.
Health issues most closely linked to driving safety among seniors include:
- Alzheimer’s disease: In the earliest stages of Alzheimer’s, the senior’s physician might say they are still safe to drive. As the disease advances, however, it’s common for adults with Alzheimer’s to get lost traveling to and from once-familiar places. Judgment may also be impaired, putting good driving decision-making abilities at risk.
- Decreased flexibility: One common age-related change is a loss of flexibility. People with arthritis are at especially high risk. This makes it more difficult to turn your head to look over your shoulder or slide in and out of the car.
- Slower reflexes: This also occurs with aging. For drivers, being slow to react can be especially problematic. It can result in the senior taking too long to respond to road hazards and having an accident.
- Vision loss: While some vision changes can be treated or corrected with glasses, others can’t. Glaucoma and age-related macular degeneration make it difficult to spot road signs, traffic signals, and pedestrians.
Fortunately, there are a few tools that can make driving a little easier for seniors. Here are some driving aids you might consider for your father:
- Swivel seat: These devices make it easier to slide behind the wheel of a car. They usually cost less than $30 and can be purchased at auto parts stores and online retailers.
- Seat belt pull: The process of dragging the seat belt across the body and locking it is easier with a seat belt pull. This handle-like device gives an older driver up to 6 more inches of reach.
- Mirror adapters: A mirror adapter allows senior drivers to better view their surroundings. They are available for both the rearview and side mirrors.
- Pedal extender: While it’s an issue seniors joke about, research shows older adults often lose several inches in height as they age. A pedal extender is inexpensive and might help. They allow seniors to reach the car pedals without sitting too close to the steering wheel.
I hope this information is helpful, Vickie! Good luck talking with your father about driving.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Feb 15, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
I am a retiree living alone since my husband passed two years ago. Because I don’t drive much in the winter, I’m sticking close to home. The coronavirus is another reason.
My grandson helped me sign up for Facebook last spring and I’ve been using it a lot every day. I’ve noticed my anxiety has increased over the last eight or nine months. I’m sure the COVID-19 pandemic is a big reason for it, but my daughter also wants me to spend less time online. She thinks it is bad for my health.
While I probably could use it less, I am wondering if social media is good for me. For seniors like me, there are a lot of positives.
Fondly,
Renee
The Pros and Cons of Social Media
Dear Renee:
That’s an interesting question! I would say you and your daughter are both right. Social media can be an easy way for isolated older adults to feel connected to friends and family while waiting for the coronavirus pandemic to subside.
First, the benefits of being active on Facebook and other social channels often include:
- Engaging with loved ones near and far
- Exploring virtual events like watercolor painting workshops and knitting classes
- Reconnecting with friends you’ve lost touch with over the years
While social media has many advantages, there are definitely downsides. In recent years, the dark side of social media has become more obvious and may include:
- Spreading misinformation on essential topics, such as coronavirus prevention and vaccine safety
- Instigating family feuds about politics
- Contributing to a sedentary lifestyle, which researchers say can be as dangerous as smoking
Social Media-Related Stress
If you are struggling to decide which category your social media habits fall into—healthy or stressful—ask yourself these questions:
- How much time are you spending on Facebook each day?
Are you taking breaks to get up and move? Sitting too much can result in high blood pressure, weight gain, depression, diabetes, and more.
- Are you fighting with loved ones you would never disagree with in person?
Have any of your important relationships been damaged by issues that started on social media? People often feel freer to express their opinions on platforms like Facebook and Twitter. If you’ve seen your relationships suffer, you might need to cut back on your social media engagement.
- How do you feel after you log off for the day?
Social media can be a source of anxiety and stress. Facebook is often considered one of the worst platforms for both. Pay attention to how you feel before you log in to your account and again when you log off. Is there a positive or negative change? Use that as your guide in deciding if you need to cut back or even give up social media altogether.
I hope these suggestions help you make an informed choice, Renee!
Kind regards,
Donna
Get to Know Heritage Senior Communities
A leading provider of senior living, Heritage Senior Communities is a fourth-generation family-owned company. With locations throughout Michigan and one in Indiana, older adults will likely find a community that meets their needs and interests. Call the Heritage community nearest you to learn more today!
by Shelley | Feb 1, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My dad recently experienced a serious fall that caused him to be hospitalized for several days. Because of the coronavirus, my parents have been isolated in their northern Michigan home for months. While I bring food and supplies to them, we’ve been careful to maintain a physical distance.
Because I stayed with my mom when my dad was hospitalized, I got a true picture of how they’ve been managing on their own. It was a real eye opener. The house wasn’t the tidy place it’s always been. Their refrigerator was filled with expired foods, and it’s obvious my mom is struggling with her personal care needs.
I tried to talk with my parents about hiring a home care aide or moving to an assisted living community. The discussion didn’t go well. I can’t seem to convince them to accept more help, even from me.
Do you have any advice? I’m so worried about the outcome of living on their own if we wait any longer. It’s just so frustrating!
Sincerely,
Clare
Communicating with a Parent Who Refuses Help
Dear Clare:
First, you aren’t alone in feeling worried and frustrated about aging parents! Nearly 80% of adult caregivers think their parents are stubborn, according to a study by Penn State University. It can lead to sleepless nights for adult children, and resentment on the part of parents.
I do have a few suggestions that may help foster cooperation and allow you to get to the core of your parents’ resistance:
- Watch your tone and body language: Express empathy with your parents instead of seeming to placate or appear insincere. Your tone and body language need to be positive and non-judgmental. Instead of telling a parent what to do, try sharing the importance of considering a change. Explain that accepting a little help now will allow them to maintain their independence longer.
- Dig for the underlying issue: Have you asked your parents why they won’t accept help? There are a variety of reasons older adults resist help. Sometimes they worry about losing their independence and identity. Most seniors see this as another part of life they need to handle.
Find out exactly what worries your parent about the potential change. Do they think moving to an assisted living community means losing their privacy, independence, or autonomy? Or are they concerned about finances? By expressing genuine concern, your parent may feel heard and understood. That’s an important first step.
- Use positive language: Language is as important as tone. The Mayo Clinic suggests caregivers replace frightening eldercare terminology with friendlier language. For instance, refer to a home care provider as a companion who can help with basic chores and personal care. Talk about assisted living as a community that provides just enough support to allow residents to remain independent.
- Enlist a trusted advisor: Sometimes aging parents might be more willing to listen to a trusted advisor who isn’t part of the family. It could be their clergy, doctor, or another health care professional such as a social worker. They may be able to persuade your aging loved one that accepting assistance is necessary for staying safe and healthy.
I hope these tips are helpful, Clare! If you have more questions or would like to arrange a virtual tour, please call the Heritage Senior Community nearest you!
Kind regards,
Donna
Heritage Senior Communities Responds to COVID-19
We know prospective residents and their loved ones have concerns about how senior living providers are handling the coronavirus. We address this legitimate worry in detail on our website. Visit Coronavirus Precautions to learn more.
by Shelley | Jan 11, 2021 | Caregiving, Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My great uncle lives alone in northern Michigan. Since his wife passed away, he’s been getting increasingly isolated. While I visit as often as possible, my home is almost three hours away. He’s finally decided he would be better off in a senior living community. We are going to start searching for potential options with a goal of moving in the spring.
A colleague told me his father qualified for special financial assistance because he is a veteran like my uncle. How can I learn more about this program? My uncle has always been careful with his money, but he could benefit from a little help paying for care.
Best,
Nicole
Veterans Benefits for Senior Care
Dear Nicole:
Thank you for asking this question! It provides me with an opportunity to talk about one of my favorite programs. Like you, many veterans and their families aren’t aware of it. Commonly referred to as the Aid and Attendance benefit, it was created to ensure that those who served our nation and their surviving spouses receive the care they need.
Your uncle must meet certain eligibility criteria, including having served 90 days of active-duty service. At least one day of that service must have been during a recognized period of war.
Other eligibility requirements veterans such as your uncle must meet include:
- Age or disability: To receive this benefit, a veteran must be at least 65 years old or be totally and permanently disabled. Seniors who live in a nursing home or receive skilled nursing care may be eligible, as can veterans who are receiving Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).
- Financial criteria: There are both income and asset thresholds for veterans applying for the Aid and Attendance benefit. The Veterans Administration will look at the veteran’s overall net worth when determining eligibility.
- Physical condition: The veteran and/or their surviving spouse must also meet one of these conditions to be eligible:
- Be bedridden
- Live in a nursing home due to mental or physical limitations
- Be blind or nearly blind
- Require the aid of another person to perform everyday living tasks (e.g., dressing, bathing, feeding, toileting)
While families might think the process is too complicated, it’s important to know it can make a significant difference to veterans who qualify. The financial rewards change every year or two, but can range from $14,761 a year for a surviving spouse to $27,194 for a veteran with a spouse or child.
You can learn more by visiting the Pension Benefits area of the US Department of Veterans Affairs online. The staff at Heritage Senior Communities will also be happy to help answer questions. Call the community nearest you today!
Best of luck in your search, Nicole!
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Jan 4, 2021 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
After visiting my mother in Michigan for Christmas, I realized she’s no longer safe living alone. While she is a little reluctant to move, she agreed that she may be happier in an assisted living community.
We decided that I would do some research online and make phone calls to communities that seemed like a good match. Having never done this before, however, I’m not sure what to ask. It all seems a little overwhelming.
What questions do you suggest I put on my list beyond availability and price? I’d be grateful for any input you could offer.
Sincerely,
Stephanie
Important Questions to Ask Assisted Living Communities
Dear Stephanie:
The initial phone call to an assisted living community is important. Like you, many family members aren’t sure what to say or ask. Price is understandably at the top of the list, but there are a number of equally essential questions you should add.
Here are a few suggestions I hope you will find helpful:
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How does the community recruit and train caregivers?
Quality care depends on attracting experienced, compassionate caregivers and providing ongoing training. Be sure to ask each community how their team members are recruited and screened. Then ask what kind of initial training staff receives. Remember, training shouldn’t stop after orientation. Make sure staff development happens regularly.
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What is the community’s turnover rate?
When the community’s staff turnover rate is low, residents, caregivers, and families are able to develop meaningful relationships with one another. It promotes better continuity of care and more engaged residents.
Caring for seniors can be difficult, however, in ways other types of employment aren’t. It is physically demanding and emotionally challenging. Befriending an older resident and then watching their health decline isn’t easy. Yet assisted living team members do it throughout their careers. Keep that in mind.
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What is the staff to resident ratio?
Another factor that influences the quality of care at an assisted living community is the number of experienced caregivers compared to the number of residents. Having time to build relationships translates to better care. The bond between caregivers and residents makes it easier for staff to identify and intervene in potential problems early.
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What happens when a resident’s needs change?
While no one wants to imagine the worst, it’s essential to look ahead and plan for changes. Ask what will happen if your loved one’s care needs change.
For example, how would they respond if your mother develops an illness like Alzheimer’s disease? Can they provide the help she needs or will she have to move to a nursing home?
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How can you review the community’s state survey results?
Assisted living communities are regulated at the state level. The laws in each state are a little different. One common denominator, however, is that states conduct surveys to ensure communities are complying with regulations.
Survey results, including family complaints, are public for anyone to review. Most states make these available online. In Michigan, you can review the last two years of survey results here.
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What safety measures are in place to guard against COVID-19?
Lastly, make sure you ask how the community is addressing the COVID-19 pandemic. As the number of cases ebbs and flows, a community’s approach might change. It’s important to understand what procedures are in place to lower the risk to residents and staff.
I hope this information helps you create your list, Stephanie! I’d also like to invite you to call the Heritage community nearest to your mother when you begin your search.
Kind regards,
Donna
by Shelley | Dec 7, 2020 | Dear Donna
Dear Donna:
My husband has been our only driver since my battle with colon cancer two years ago. However, I need suggestions for talking to him about hanging up his car keys for good too. I’ve seen plenty of news stories about older drivers who harm themselves or others in an accident, and I don’t want him to be one of them.
He is 84 years old and has a variety of health conditions. Some of his medications have tough side effects, including drowsiness and dizziness. My husband’s reflexes are slow and he just isn’t flexible enough to stay safe behind the wheel.
I’m not sure how to broach this subject with him. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Margie in Midland, MI
Older Driver Safety Week Kicks Off
Dear Margie:
You’ve expressed a fear many spouses and adult children have. It can be a contentious topic for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the perceived lack of alternate transportation options. Older adults often tell us that knowing they would be able to give up driving played a key role in deciding to move to a senior living community.
Your timing in asking this question is great! The first full week of December is designated as Older Driver Awareness Week each year. It gives me a good opportunity to shine the spotlight on safety and senior drivers.
As you mentioned, tackling the subject with a loved one isn’t easy. A few tips for talking with your husband include:
- Explore transportation options: Before you talk, explore alternative transportation options in your area. Having a list of choices ready to share with your husband may make him more willing to entertain the idea of giving up his keys.
- Ask how he feels: A good way to open the conversation might be to ask your husband how he feels about driving. You might be surprised to learn he is a little fearful about it. He might not have mentioned it before because he thinks the two of you have no other options. Once you agree it’s time for him to stop driving, you can work on a transportation plan together.
- Show him evidence: If your husband isn’t onboard with the idea of hanging up his car keys for good, be prepared to kindly and gently share your concerns about his fitness for driving. Point out any bumps and dents on the car. He might not even know they are there and it could be a wake-up call. Also talk to him about the medication side effects you are noticing.
- Enlist his physician: There are other steps you can take if your husband won’t agree to stop driving. One is to visit his primary care physician together and seek his or her advice. The doctor can perform a physical, including checking his reflexes and flexibility, and objectively review the situation.
I hope these tips make this discussion go a little easier, Margie!
Kind regards,
Donna
Heritage Senior Communities Offer Transportation
Transportation is one of the most popular services at Heritage Senior Communities. Depending upon current COVID-19 conditions, residents can utilize transportation for physician appointments, lunch outings, shopping trips, and more. Call the Heritage community closest to you to learn more!
