Dear Donna,

My husband and I recently decided to move my mom into our home. She has advanced arthritis, so having her here allows us to help her with the tasks she has trouble with. 

Immediately after she moved in, we realized she needed a lot more help than we had anticipated. Her doctor advised her to avoid a few activities, such as heavy lifting and climbing stairs. But we often come home to find her doing at least one of her restricted activities. 

Since she moved in, I have been experiencing anxiety.

As I head home from work, my heart races. I immediately assume there’s going to be an emergency involving my mother. Even when she is safe, I still feel overwhelmed, and it takes me a while to calm down.

I’m afraid that my constant worrying is going to affect my performance at work and strain my relationship with my husband.

How can I better cope with my caregiver anxiety?

Sincerely,

Katherine Jones, Holland, MI

 

Dear Katherine,

Anxiety is a biological response that occurs when your body perceives a threat. This perceived threat triggers feelings of tension and worry, as well as physical changes like increased blood pressure and heart rate.

When you feel out of control, you can quickly begin feeling anxious. You may even get caught up in a cycle of feeling anxious about your anxiety.

 

Here are 5 tips to help you break the cycle and better cope with caregiver anxiety.

 

1. Understand Your Anxiety

Before attempting to cope with your anxiety, take the time to learn what triggers it.

• Are you afraid your mother will harm herself?
• Are you afraid of losing her?
• Do you think she is not taking her health seriously?

When you feel anxious, stop and ask yourself why. Do you notice a pattern?

 

2. Do Not Expect to Eliminate Your Anxiety

A mistake people often make when dealing with anxiety is thinking that they will be able to eliminate it.

Anxiety is a biological response, so this assumption is unrealistic. It is more realistic to manage your symptoms.

The next time you feel anxious, acknowledge your symptoms. Take a deep breath and thank your body for the message. Remind yourself that you are anxious because you’re afraid your mom could be in danger, not because she is in danger.

 

3. Put Your Health First

It may seem counterintuitive, but putting your health first is one of the simplest ways to relieve anxiety.

Here are a few ways you can be proactive about your health.

• Get regular check-ups. Don’t wait until you are sick the make an appointment with your doctor.
• Get enough sleep. Research suggests there is a strong correlation between sleep and anxiety. Those who don’t get enough sleep are 17 times more likely to have clinical anxiety than those with normal sleep habits. Aim to get 7–8 hours of sleep every night. Never sacrifice sleep—it is key to your well-being.
• Exercise at least 3 times a week. Exercise can play a tremendous role in managing Yoga has been shown to alleviate anxiety and arthritis. You could even invite your mom to join you.
• Eat a well-balanced diet. Being mindful about the foods you eat can significantly improve anxiety. Say no to sugar and other processed foods. They have been shown to aggravate symptoms of anxiety. Do your best to maintain your weight.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol and caffeine have been shown to worsen feelings of anxiety. Limit them as much as possible.
• Take time to relax. Relaxing can be anything from a trip to the spa or a 10-minute meditation

 

4. Stay Connected

Healthy relationships are an excellent way for you to cope with anxiety. Here are a few ways you can stay connected.

• Maintain relationships. Regardless of how busy you are, always make time for friends and family.
• Join online or in-person caregiver support groups. This will give you a chance to talk about your challenges as a caregiver with those who are likely experiencing the same difficulties.
• Volunteer. Helping others makes us feel good. Find a cause you are passionate about and volunteer. Not only will you be giving back, but you will also get a chance to meet like-minded people.

 

5. Ask for Help When You Need It

Caregivers are often reluctant to ask for help, but it’s important to accept that no one can do this alone. Seek help from:

• Medical professionals. There is a fine line between normal anxiety and anxiety that requires medical attention.

Don’t be ashamed if you need to seek help from a medical professional. Your doctor will be able to make recommendations specific to your personal needs.

• Family members. Don’t be afraid to lean on your family. They will often be more than happy to help.
• Respite Care. If you are concerned about your mom’s safety while you are away, it may be a good idea to consider respite care services.

Assisted Living: When You Need More Than Respite Care

Anxiety isn’t something you can get rid of overnight. For many caregivers, it is an emotion they have to work on regularly.

If you continue to struggle with caregiver anxiety despite your efforts, it may be time to ask your mom to consider an assisted living community.

Heritage Senior Communities provides quality care for seniors across Michigan. Our Appledorn Assisted Living community in Holland provides both assisted living and respite care services. If your mom has any doubts, a short-term respite stay can be a great way for her to experience an assisted living community. Contact us today to schedule a tour.

I hope these tips help you better cope with your caregiver anxiety.

Kind Regards,

Donna

Dear Donna,

I’m the primary caregiver for my aging father, and I also work full-time. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night because I keep thinking of what I have to do the next day. Often I don’t even have time to eat.

If something happens to me, I’m not sure how he’d manage. I’d like to stay healthy, but I can’t seem to find the time. How can I take care of myself as well as my dad?

Sincerely,

Gina in Holland, MI

Caregivers Should Also Care for Themselves

Dear Gina,

Caregiving is an important but exhausting role, as you know. It is easy to get overwhelmed or feel guilty for taking time out for yourself. Unfortunately, caregivers who constantly put others’ needs first are likely to experience stress, burnout, and other health issues. Without proper self-care, you probably can’t give your dad the care that he needs.

How to Take Care of Yourself (and a Loved One)

1. Be mindful of your own physical health

Although you may put your loved one’s health needs before your own, caring for yourself is even more important.

• Make sure you are getting regular checkups.
• Ask your healthcare provider for advice on maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
• Make sure you are getting 7–8 hours of sleep each night. Follow good sleep hygiene.
• Set aside time to prep healthy meals or snacks you can grab on the go.
• Schedule time for yourself, including exercise, as you would any other appointment.

2. Don’t try to do it alone

Whether you need help with caregiving duties or just moral support, it’s okay to ask.

Look for local support groups specifically for caregivers. Online forums or social media groups can help, too. Stay in touch with supportive friends and family.

For help with your dad, reach out to local community programs, such as home health aides or meal delivery services. Many senior communities offer respite care that lets caregivers take some time off.

If you have family members or friends willing and able to help, ask them in specific ways, such as driving your dad to an appointment or spending time with him on a Sunday afternoon.

3. Practice mindful relaxation.

Even short periods of relaxation, as little as five minutes, can help reduce stress levels and increase your energy.

• Consider taking a yoga class to help you stretch and relax your body.
• Download a free app to help you practice deep breathing and mindfulness exercises.
• You may want to set aside time to journal, which can help you process the thoughts and emotions that might otherwise keep you awake at night.

It is also important to not feel ashamed when you are tired or frustrated. There is nothing wrong with asking for help or for taking some time for yourself.

I hope this advice helps you stay healthy and minimize stress.

Best wishes,

Donna

Peace of Mind for Caregivers and Loved Ones

Heritage Senior Communities provides quality care throughout Michigan. Appledorn Assisted Living community in Holland, for example, provides numerous opportunities to improve seniors’ quality of life and reduce caregiver stress. Contact us today to schedule a tour.

Dear Donna,

My dad recently moved in to an assisted living community after we decided that his house was too much for him to manage by himself. Although he’s glad to not worry about housekeeping or meals, it’s been a difficult transition.

He was pretty close with his old neighbors and is having a hard time getting to know people in his new community. What are some ways he can make new friends?

Thanks,

Steve from Saline, MI

Making Friends in a New Senior Residence

Dear Steve,

One of the major benefits of moving to a senior living community is the opportunity to get to know people and make new friends. Unfortunately, it takes a little time to settle in when an older adult is transitioning from their house to a senior community.

With a few small steps and friendly gestures, however, your dad can start to make new friends soon.

Tips for Making New Friends in Senior Living

1. Smile and say hello.

Sometimes the smallest gestures can make the biggest difference. Rather than avoiding eye contact or small talk, encourage your dad to be warm and friendly in a way others respond to. Simply saying hello with a smile in the hallway or communal areas can be enough to start a conversation.

2. Join others for meals.

Mealtimes provide an easy way to meet new people. If he’s been eating alone in his apartment instead of the dining room, encourage him to enjoy his meals with fellow residents instead. He might ask to join others at their table and introduce himself to start a conversation.

3. Watch the calendar.

Most senior communities have event or holiday calendars with various activities for residents to enjoy. This may include group games, a religious service, or fitness activities. Your dad might watch the calendar for activities he enjoys or something new he’d like to try. Have him start by choosing one activity every week and planning to introduce himself to at least one new person there.

If he’s reluctant to go alone, join him for a few activities. Senior living communities welcome and encourage family involvement.

4. Stay positive.

Sometimes we avoid new people because we are afraid of what they will think of us. If we assume that other people will not like us, that’s a good way to sabotage potential friendships. You can encourage your dad to avoid this attitude by being positive and open and assuming that others will like him and enjoy getting to know him.

5. Invite people over.

Making new friends does not have to be complicated. Another simple way your dad can get connected is to invite neighbors into his home. This may include coffee, a snack, playing a game, or watching a movie or TV.

6. Be patient.

Adjusting to a new community can be hard work, so be patient with your dad. Encourage him to be patient with himself and with his neighbors. Change is difficult for most of us, so give your Dad time to adjust and settle in.

Best wishes,

Donna

Building Community for Senior Loved Ones

Heritage Senior Communities, including our Linden Square Assisted Living location, provides support to residents in a comfortable, home-like setting that encourages community. Contact us for more information.

Dear Donna,

Our mom still lives in her own home and usually does just fine on her own. However, her bathroom has not been updated in years, and we’re worried about her slipping and falling in the shower. She also has arthritis that has made it more difficult to bathe.

Are there other safety issues we should look for in her bathroom? How can we reduce her safety risks and make her more comfortable?

Sincerely,

Janice Bauer, Holland, MI

Keeping Bathrooms Safe for Seniors

Dear Janice,

It’s understandable that you are concerned about your mom’s safety in the bathroom. Hospital emergency departments treat 2.8 million older adults every year for fall injuries. Many of these falls happen in the bathroom and are due to hazards like slippery floors.

Fortunately, there are numerous ways to reduce your mom’s risk of falling in the bathroom, as well as other possible safety issues. Do a thorough safety check of her bathroom and determine which precautions are necessary.

Here are some things to look for when you’re checking your mom’s bathroom, including how you can make it safer for her.

Senior Bathroom Safety Issues to Look For

Floors:

• Tubs or showers should have non-slip surfaces; add floor mats or non-skid appliques to avoid sliding on the tub floor.
• Bathroom floors should have a textured surface or have non-skid carpet or rugs.
• A bath bench can reduce the need to stand in the shower and can help with getting in and out of the tub.

Lighting:

• Does the bathroom have sufficient, even lighting?
• Light switches should be easily accessible near the door.
• Make sure burned-out light bulbs are changed.

Doors:

• Bathroom doors should open outward.
• Doorways should be wide enough to accommodate any mobility devices, such as walkers.
• Shower doors should be made of safety glass or plastic.

Fixtures:

• Consider installing lever handles on sinks and showers, which can help seniors with arthritis and stiff joints.
• If the shower head is difficult to reach, install a shower head attachment.
• Consider a walk-in bathtub to make bathing easier.
• If the toilet is too low, a higher toilet or a seat extender can make use easier.
• Install grab bars near the shower and toilet; a tension pole is another option.
• Towel racks and other shelving are not substitutes for grab bars, but they should still be installed sturdily.
• Consider installing a telephone in the bathroom, reachable from the floor, if your mom falls and must call for help.

Miscellaneous:

• Toiletries and towels should be easy to reach and should not require seniors to stretch and reach too far; keep items convenient with additional shelves or water-resistant baskets.
• Do the outlets prevent electric shock?
• Is there sufficient heat and ventilation?
• Set hot water heater to 120 degrees F to avoid scalding.
• Insulate any exposed water pipes or wiring.

I hope these tips help you create a safer bathroom for your mother!

Kind regards,

Donna

Offering Safe Senior Care

Family-owned Heritage Senior Communities focuses on providing quality senior housing and licensed assisted living. Contact us today to ask questions or schedule a tour at one of our locations, such as Appledorn Assisted Living community in Holland.

Making the move to a senior living community is a difficult one for you and your loved ones. Unfortunately, this decision isn’t made any easier by the additional questions that arise about who should pay for senior living, and how much it will cost. You want to have the best care for yourself or your loved ones, but it needs to be something your family can afford, as well.

If you’re wondering how to pay for a senior living community, you’re not alone. See this Dear Donna letter we received a few years ago: 

Dear Donna,

My older parents are considering moving to a senior living community, and I am confused about the different options for paying. I thought our only option was to pay for it ourselves, but a friend just told me that her parents used other methods as well.

Can you tell me more about what kinds of funding senior living communities accept?

Sincerely,

Mary from Holland, MI

How to Pay for a Senior Living Community

Here’s what Donna had to say:

Mary,

Thanks for asking this question. How to pay for senior living is an important topic, and we appreciate the opportunity to address it. Considering the national average cost for assisted living is just below $4,000 a month, it’s good to know all the options you and your family have on your side.

To begin, assess the level of care your parents will want and need. Consider if your parents are searching for independent or assisted living, or if they would need to move into a memory care community. Based on their needs, you’ll find different ways to fund this next chapter in their lives. Then, you can use the information below to determine the best way to pay for senior living, based on the type of care your parents need. 

I hope this helps, Mary!

Kind regards,

Donna

Who Pays for Assisted Living and Senior Living Communities?

In general, most assisted living and senior living costs are paid out of the family’s pocket. The person in care may have a pension or retirement fund, or perhaps additional funds from selling a home. Often, this income is then supplemented by family members who can provide for that person’s senior living care. 

As mentioned, this is not ideal for most families. Senior living care can be costly, and many families can’t afford such large expenses out of pocket. 

If this is something your family is struggling with, you may be wondering if there are other options. Here’s a look at some of the most common questions people ask when considering how to pay for a senior living community. 

Does Medicare Pay for Assisted Living?

Medicare does not pay for assisted living costs. 

Housing and daily care, like bathing and dressing, are not covered by Medicare. That said, Medicare may cover the costs of some specific services within your loved one’s assisted living care. For example, it may cover injection fees, prescription fees, or medical equipment required by your loved one’s condition while they are at an assisted living facility.

Does Medicaid Pay for Assisted Living?

In some cases, Medicaid may cover a portion of some assisted living fees. That said, Medicaid is only available to those who have an income low enough to qualify for government aid. What’s more, the assisted living facility where your loved one will live must participate in the state-funded programs supported by Medicaid. 

Unfortunately, Medicaid is a very confusing program, and because it is a federal program that is administered individually by each state, the rules and coverages vary significantly based on your location, and even the facility you’re working with. 

In general, Medicaid is not a good option when it comes to paying for a senior living community. 

Does Private Insurance Pay for Assisted Living?

Private insurance (Blue Cross, Aetna, Priority Health, etc), typically functions similarly to Medicare. They may cover some costs for skilled nursing or health care costs related to a specific condition, but they rarely cover personal care in senior care facilities or assisted living. 

How to Pay for A Senior Living Community, Based on the Type of Care Your Loved One Needs

So, if Medicare, Medicaid, and private insurance are unlikely to support your loved one in assisted living or a senior living community, then how can your family pay for these services and care?

As mentioned above, the type of care will largely dictate how you and your family are able to pay for a senior living community. Assisted living and memory care payment options may look different from a senior living community. Let’s look at a few of the best options for each type of care. 

How to Pay for Assisted Living

If your senior loved one was in the military, he or she (and spouse) may be entitled to VA benefits to help pay for assisted living. 

Called Non-Service Connected Improved Pension Benefit with Aid and Attendance (or Aid and Attendance, for short), these benefits can be used to cover the costs of assisted living. In 2022, those monthly benefits were up to:

• $2,051 monthly for an eligible veteran
• $1,218 monthly for a surviving spouse with no dependents
• $2,431 for a veteran with a non-veteran spouse

These benefits do change regularly, so it’s best to check with your loved one’s current policy, but these monthly benefits can go a long way to help pay for assisted living. 

Long-Term Care Insurance may be another way to help pay for assisted living. It’s similar to health insurance but can provide some added benefits that will help cover the costs of assisted living. 

Typically, your loved one would have to have purchased this type of insurance policy before they turned 80, but it’s important to look out for all kinds of policy options. If one company denies an application or offers benefits that aren’t right for you, it’s worth it to keep applying. You may just find the right coverage for your family’s situation. 

How to Pay for Memory Care

Memory care communities are specially designed for those seniors with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Just like assisted living, memory care offered in these communities can be paid for using a family’s private funds, veterans’ benefits, long-term care insurance, or, depending on the state, Medicaid.

How to Pay for Senior Independent Living

Because senior independent living communities aren’t directly related to healthcare, they typically cannot be paid for using any kind of health insurance or health benefit. That said, some senior independent living communities may participate in state or federal programs that subsidize housing, meaning they are able to offer fees on a sliding scale based on the senior’s income.

There are organizations that can point you to a list of subsidized senior housing options in your area and their entrance fees. Outside of subsidized options, independent living is most often financed using the senior’s private resources, often with help from family. 

Financing Senior Living: Other Options to Consider

Traditional financing options for senior living don’t go very far. Because insurance doesn’t cover the cost of most types of senior living care, many families look for other ways to subsidize that cost. While every family should evaluate their own finances individually to make the best decision for their situation, here are a few additional options that some consider:

Long-Term Care Insurance

This was mentioned earlier, but the information bears repeating. If your family is able to find a policy that provides favorable terms, long-term care insurance can provide some financial support for both assisted living and memory care. 

Annuity Income

Annuity income is another way that many families and seniors use to pay for senior living communities. While there are a few types of annuities, the general principle is that you or your loved one makes a lump-sum payment to an insurance company. In return, the insurer promises to pay out monthly or yearly sums for the rest of the insured’s life. 

Again, this isn’t the best option for everyone, and there are a number of different types of annuities, but it is one method that some families use to afford the costs of senior living. 

Real Estate Income

Finally, real estate is another great way to finance senior living. If your loved ones are moving out of a home to start their life in a senior community, they may be able to sell the home and use the proceeds to supplement the cost of assisted living. 

Some families also consider the option of a reverse mortgage, which taps into a home’s equity to provide money to support the costs of assisted living. This is another option that’s best for each family to determine for themselves, but it’s worth checking to see if it may be right for you. 

There may be other options available to help you and your family finance a move to a senior living community. We encourage you to call us with questions and to schedule a tour of the Heritage Senior Community in your hometown.